Carlos Fandango
Well-known member
If I'm not mistaken...
Tippex is useless.
Tippex is useless.
Dad Jokes - all welcome!
- Thread starter FatCat
- Start date
ThePrisoner
Well-known member
MidlandsBoroFan
Well-known member
The adjective for describing something that is a metal is metallic.
The only metal this doesn’t apply to is iron. Which is ironic.
The only metal this doesn’t apply to is iron. Which is ironic.
chocolate_sandwich
Active member
If you spell the words “Absolutely Nothing” backwards, you get “Gnihton Yletulosba,” which ironically means... Absolutely nothing.
Carlos Fandango
Well-known member
Did you know that the word Gullible upside-down looks like a giraffe.
ThePrisoner
Well-known member
Smellyhelly
Active member
Completed a jigsaw yesterday in 4 hours, well pleased with myself as on the box it said 4 to 5 years, 
SalfordBoro
Well-known member
My Mrs once bought a ruler from Smiths, but she lost it,and heaven knows she’s miserable now.
She was also suffering from paranoia, I said “ YOU'RE NOT ALONE"
She told me she once got engaged to a pencil, she was a bride 2B.
She told me they had found a cure for dyslexia, it was music to my ar se
She was also suffering from paranoia, I said “ YOU'RE NOT ALONE"
She told me she once got engaged to a pencil, she was a bride 2B.
She told me they had found a cure for dyslexia, it was music to my ar se
red_harrington
Well-known member
Apparently a huge sink hole appeared next to Middlesbrough Police Station last night
The chief constable said they would look into it
The chief constable said they would look into it
Carlos Fandango
Well-known member
Just turned the garden hose on and it started singing Waterloo Sunset.
Think there must be a Kink in it.....
Think there must be a Kink in it.....
Chorleygeorge
Well-known member
I asked my mam if I can go on the waltzers, she said I could go on the roundabout in the park instead. I said that’s not fair
NorthumberlandBoro
Well-known member
Millbrook
Well-known member
A chicken farmer went to a local bar, sat next to a woman, and ordered a glass of champagne.
The woman perked up and said, "How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne too!"
"What a coincidence," the farmer said. "This is a special day for me - I am celebrating."
"This is a special day for me too - I am also celebrating," said the woman.
"What a coincidence!" said the farmer. As they clinged glasses, he added, "What are you celebrating?"
"My husband and I have been trying to have a child, and today my gynaecologist told me that I am pregnant!"
"What a coincidence!" said the man. "I'm a chicken farmer, and for years all of my hens were infertile, but today they are all laying fertilized eggs."
"That's great!" said the woman. "How did your chickens become fertilized?"
"I used a different rooster," the farmer said.
“What a coincidence!"
The woman perked up and said, "How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne too!"
"What a coincidence," the farmer said. "This is a special day for me - I am celebrating."
"This is a special day for me too - I am also celebrating," said the woman.
"What a coincidence!" said the farmer. As they clinged glasses, he added, "What are you celebrating?"
"My husband and I have been trying to have a child, and today my gynaecologist told me that I am pregnant!"
"What a coincidence!" said the man. "I'm a chicken farmer, and for years all of my hens were infertile, but today they are all laying fertilized eggs."
"That's great!" said the woman. "How did your chickens become fertilized?"
"I used a different rooster," the farmer said.
“What a coincidence!"
RedAsABeetroot
Well-known member
Millbrook
Well-known member
A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender, who knew him, says, “Are you OK?”
The pirate says, “Yes, I feel fine. Why?”
The bartender says, “Well, last time you were here you had two legs. What about that wooden leg?”
The pirate replies, “Well, we got into a battle and got my leg blown off. But really, I’m OK.”
The bartender then says, “What about that hook? Last time you were here you had two hands and now one of them is a hook.”
To which the pirate replies, “Well, I got into a sword fight and got my hand cut off. But really, I’m OK.”
The bartender then says, “What about that patch over your eye? Last time you were here you had two eyes.”
The pirate says, “Well, we were out at sea, and a flock of seagulls flew overhead. I looked up, and one pooped in my eye.”
The bartender replies, “You lost your eye because a seagull pooped in your eye?”
The pirate says, “Oh no, it was the first day with the hook!”
The pirate says, “Yes, I feel fine. Why?”
The bartender says, “Well, last time you were here you had two legs. What about that wooden leg?”
The pirate replies, “Well, we got into a battle and got my leg blown off. But really, I’m OK.”
The bartender then says, “What about that hook? Last time you were here you had two hands and now one of them is a hook.”
To which the pirate replies, “Well, I got into a sword fight and got my hand cut off. But really, I’m OK.”
The bartender then says, “What about that patch over your eye? Last time you were here you had two eyes.”
The pirate says, “Well, we were out at sea, and a flock of seagulls flew overhead. I looked up, and one pooped in my eye.”
The bartender replies, “You lost your eye because a seagull pooped in your eye?”
The pirate says, “Oh no, it was the first day with the hook!”