Dad Jokes - all welcome!

A horse and a chicken were playing in a meadow. The horse fell into a mud pool and began to sink. The horse called to the chicken to go and get help from the farmer.

The chicken ran to the farm but the farmer was nowhere to be found, and so she drove the farmer's BMW back to the mud pool and tied a length rope around the bumper. She then threw the other end of the rope to her friend and drove the car forward, saving the horse from his muddy demise.

The next day, the chicken and the horse were playing in the meadow again and the chicken fell into the mud hole. The chicken called to the horse to go and get some help from the farmer.

The horse said, "There's no time! I have another idea - I think I can stand over the pool!" So he stretched over the width of the pool and said, "Grab my d*ck and pull yourself up!" The chicken did so and the horse pulled her to safety.

The moral of the story:

If you're hung like a horse, you don't need a BMW to pick up chicks.
 
Dr. Epstein was a renowned physician who earned his undergraduate, graduate, and medical degrees in his home town and then left for Manhattan, where he quickly rose to the top of his field.

Soon he was invited to deliver a significant paper, at a conference, coincidentally held in his home town. He walked on stage and placed his papers on the lectern, but they slid off onto the floor. As he bent over to retrieve them, at precisely the wrong instant, he inadvertently farted.

The microphone amplified his mistake resoundingly through the room and reverberated it down the hall.

He was quite embarrassed but somehow regained his composure just enough to deliver his paper. He ignored the resounding applause and raced out the stage door, never to be seen in his home town again.

Decades later, when his elderly mother was ill, he returned to visit her. He reserved a hotel room under the name of Levy and arrived under cover of darkness.

The desk clerk asked him, "Is this your first visit to our city, Mr. Levy?"

Dr. Epstein replied, "Well, young man, no, it isn't. I grew up here and received my education here, but then I moved away."

Why haven't you visited?" asked the desk clerk.

Actually, I did visit once, many years ago, but an embarrassing thing happened and since then I've been too ashamed to return."

The clerk consoled him. "Sir, while I don't have your life experience, one thing I have learned is that often what seems embarrassing to me isn't even remembered by others. I bet that's true of your incident too."

Dr. Epstein replied, "Son, I doubt that's the case with my incident."

"Was it a long time ago?"

"Yes, many years."

The clerk asked, "Was it before or after the Epstein Fart?”
 
A famous, well-regarded eye doctor dies. At the funeral, his colleagues put a big print of human eye on a thin paper board, and at the end of the funeral, the coffin tears through the eye as it is carried away.

Everyone cries, except for one man who starts to laugh.

“Oh,” he says. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have. But I have just imagine this happening at my funeral, and, well, I’m a gynecologist…”
 
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