Dad Jokes - all welcome!

[FatCat]

Phillip Schofield just approached me in the multi-storey in town and asked where the nearest toilet was.

I said, "Phillip, wee by any car“

 

[atypical_boro]

A priest, a rabbit and a minister walk into a bar.

The rabbit says 'I might be a typo'.

 

[SmallTown]

I’ve just found out “The tale of two cities” was initially serialised in two different local newspapers.

It was the Bicester times, it was the Worcester times

 

[Lottowyn]

Repeat quickly 10 times.
Ken Dodd's dad's dog's dead.

 

[Pak_Doo_Ik]

Why have African elephants got big ears?

Cos Noddy won't pay the ransom

 

[Erimus11]

My mate was shot 200 times with an upholster gun - good news is he's fully recovered now

 

[nowthen]

Two men in a golf club, one says, “I’m a country member”, the other says, “yeah, I remember!”.

 

[London_Boro]

A priest, a rabbit and a minister walk into a bar.

The rabbit says 'I might be a typo'.

A priest, a rabbit and a minister walk into a Blood Donor clinic.

The rabbit says 'I might be a type o'.

 

[London_Boro]

What did the drummer call his twin daughters?

Anna one, Anna two!

 

[London_Boro]

To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you. You have my Word!

 

[A]

So, how popular are these new see-through perspex coffins going to be?

I dunno, remains to be seen

 

[Coluka]

I love to tell dad jokes, but don’t have any kids, I guess that makes me a faux pa

 

[atypical_boro]

A priest, a rabbit and a minister walk into a Blood Donor clinic.

The rabbit says 'I might be a type o'.

Ha is this your own addition or has someone given me a duff version?

 

[Norfolkred1]

Someone keeps dumping earth on my allotment. The plot thickens.

 

[Man_On]

Bloke walks into a bar with a lion, goes up to the bartender and says "excuse me mate, do you serve Tories in this bar?" Bar tender says "yes, of course we do". Bloke says "great, i'll have a pint of lager and a Tory for the lion"

 

[Subbuteo_171]

What’s the difference between a kangaroo and a kangaroot?

One is an Australian marsupial, the other is a Geordie stuck in a lift.

 

[NeilInFrance]

I used to finish all my sentences with the title of a Free song, but I'm alright now!

 

[xxlshirts_fit_all]

Gmp oldham are hunting a woman know as the “knitting Needle Nutter”who has stabbed six people in the bum in the last 24 hours. Chief superintendent Tommy Ballcock in oldham believes the attacker could be following some kind of pattern.

 

[skazza]

I took the shell off my racing snail to make it go faster, but if anything, it's made it more sluggish...

 

[festa5]

2 nuns are redecorating a room. Concerned about getting paint on their habits they decide to lock the door and paint naked.

After a while there's a knock on the door.

"Who is it?" They ask.

"Blind man" comes back the reply.

They look at either, shrug, and open the door.

"Nice t*ts" says the man.

"Now where do you want these blinds?"