Dad Jokes - all welcome!

There were two women who were complete strangers. They lived in different cities, they had never met, and had no friends or acquaintances in common. However, they had e-mail addresses that were nearly identical - just off by one letter.

The husband of the first woman (Mrs. Smith) had just left on a business trip to Florida. After Mr. Smith had finished his business, Mrs. Smith was going to take a flight down and meet him a few days later.

The second woman (Mrs. Jones) was still grieving for her husband who had died a week earlier.

Mr. Smith arrives in Florida and checks into his hotel. He gets on his laptop and writes his wife an e-mail to let her know he’s arrived safely. He carelessly mistypes the e-mail address, sending the message to Mrs. Jones.

Mrs. Jones sits at her computer and starts reading her e-mails. Her daughter, in another room, hears her mother scream and runs in to find Mrs. Jones has fainted. Looking at the screen, she sees an open e-mail that reads:

My Darling Wife,

I just arrived here and have settled in. I am eagerly looking forward to your arrival on Wednesday.

Your loving husband.

P.S. It sure is hot down here.
 
The following is an actual question given on a University of Arizona chemistry mid term, and an actual answer turned in by a student.

The answer by one student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well:

Bonus Question:

Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat)

or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving, which is unlikely. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.

The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is extinct...therefore leaving Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.'
 
Millbrook said:
The following is an actual question given on a University of Arizona chemistry mid term, and an actual answer turned in by a student.

The answer by one student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well:

Bonus Question:

Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat)

or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving, which is unlikely. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.

The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is extinct...therefore leaving Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.'
Click to expand...
I read a version of that about 20 years ago in the guardian. I didn't believe it then either. The story I read was based around a girl refusing to sleep with the student, I. E. When hell freezes over.
 
An elderly lady approached St. Peter at the Pearly Gates and asked, “Pardon me, but can you tell me if my husband is here? His name is Smith.”

“I’m sorry, lady, but we have lots of Smiths here; you’ll have to have more identification.”

“John Smith.” The lady replied

“We have lots of John Smiths here, too. You’ll have to be more specific.”

“Well, before he died, he told me that if I were ever unfaithful to him, he’d turn over in his grave.”

St. Peter raised his eyebrows in thought, then smiled and said, “Oh! You mean pinwheel Smith!
 
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