Dad Jokes - all welcome!

Bloke walks into a bar and sits next to a blond
10 o’clock news comes on and it cuts to a video of a man standing on an upper window ledge of a very tall building.
Bloke says to the blond “bet you twenty quid he jumps”
She says “I’ll take the bet”.
The man jumps. Blond says “I’m as good as my word here’s my twenty quid” and pushes it towards him.
Bloke laughs and pushes it back.
“ I can’t take it off you, I saw this earlier on the 5 o’clock news” he says.
“So did I” she replied “I just didn’t think he’d do it again” 😂😂
 
One evening John (who had just got divorced) was feeling sorry for himself while strolling along beach in Southern California, and lamenting the fact that his whole life was starting-over. John had lived a good and honest life, worked hard, and always strived to the right thing, but things had still gone haywire.

The realization made him question everything that he had believed-in, and seriously wonder whether any of his efforts really mattered? Then he felt a tap on his shoulder, and turned to find a elderly man bathed in a bright white light. God introduced himself and assured John that the world indeed needed more people like John, and that to reward him for is lifetime of piety, God would grant John a single wish.

John then looked-out over the ocean at the dazzling colors of the Los Angeles sunset, and turned to God and said “You know, we had our honeymoon in Hawaii, and it was one of the happiest moments of my life. However, I also learned that am terrified of flying so we never returned. How about you creating a bridge from here to Hawaii?”

God smiled and then asked John if he was really sure about this bridge because although he was God and could do pretty much anything, the bridge would dramatically disrupt the environment/weather, impact ocean currents, alter migratory patterns, and make shipping far more expensive and complicated, so God just wanted to make sure that John had fully considered the broader ramifications of his request.

John thought about things for a second, and immediately saw God’s point so he then decided to shift gears, and, turning back to his divorce (that he was still trying to figure-out) John then decided to simply ask God to grant him the ability to understand women. To this God replied “Will that be a two lane bridge or a four lane bridge?”
 
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