Dad Jokes - all welcome!

I went to a smoke shop to discover that it has been replaced by an apparel store. Clothes, but no cigar.
 
Before the lockdown I bumped into this lovely looking lady in the supermarket toilet roll aisle. There was a definite spark there so I thought I'd try and chat her up.
"I invented the 'knock knock joke' you know."
"Really? Did you make a living out of it?" she asked.
"Not really," I replied "but I did win the 'No Bell' Prize for it."
 
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine they lay down for the night, and went to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.
"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?"

Watson pondered for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I supect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"

Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. "Watson, no you idiot. It tells you someone has stolen our tent."
 
A penguin walks into a bar and asks the barman:
Has my brother been in here lately?
Whats he look like said the barman! :rolleyes:
 
My mate just jacked in his job at the sewerage works. So I asked him why would he walk from a secure job with decent pay. Said he was sick of going through the motions.
 
A man is helping police with their enquiries after a number of items of men's underwear were reported stolen in recent days. When questioned, he admitted to a brief crime spree.
 
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