This is a long story

I am genuinely humbled that you feel comfortable enough to share this with us on here. This is undoubtedly a special place, and it's all the better for having you in it.

I don't know if you journal AET? Writing that down seems to have helped a bit and I know some people who've felt real mental health benefits from journalling.
 
goalscrounger said:
I am genuinely humbled that you feel comfortable enough to share this with us on here. This is undoubtedly a special place, and it's all the better for having you in it.

I don't know if you journal AET? Writing that down seems to have helped a bit and I know some people who've felt real mental health benefits from journalling.
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Thanks goalscrounger. Never thought of that. Maybe I should. Always thought my life was far too boring and humdrum to write anything down in a journal or a diary. But then my thoughts are all over the place at the minute.

A few weeks ago I before I started the therapy I sat in front of the laptop and wrote four pages of just about every traumatic and bad thing that had ever happened to me over the last 25 years and why I thought I was so unhappy. And I guess that’s what I did again when I wrote this down. Easier to write stuff down to try and process it. Who knows what I’ll do.
 
Aet290204 said:
Thanks goalscrounger. Never thought of that. Maybe I should. Always thought my life was far too boring and humdrum to write anything down in a journal or a diary. But then my thoughts are all over the place at the minute.

A few weeks ago I before I started the therapy I sat in front of the laptop and wrote four pages of just about every traumatic and bad thing that had ever happened to me over the last 25 years and why I thought I was so unhappy. And I guess that’s what I did again when I wrote this down. Easier to write stuff down to try and process it. Who knows what I’ll do.
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The good thing is, once written and "out there" it's up to you what you do with it all. Keep it private and in a safe place, burn it in the fire or share it with whomever you choose.

Don't think I've ever used the word "whomever" on fmttm before lol.
 
Well it took some bottle to write that.
Thanks for telling us all how you process things AET, it helps us understand what you're going through. Keep posting, we're so glad you didn't go through with your original plan. There's always someone here for you. Sending big manhugs.
 
Wow! Incredible you’re brave enough to write so coherently about such an overwhelming period. The world will always be better for you being in it. You’ve got a lot of good friends, here, regardless how remote you may feel. Take care, and be kind to yourself. There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re simply human, like the rest of us.
 
Borotommo said:
Wow! Incredible you’re brave enough to write so coherently about such an overwhelming period. The world will always be better for you being in it. You’ve got a lot of good friends, here, regardless how remote you may feel. Take care, and be kind to yourself. There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re simply human, like the rest of us.
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I’m really not in the slightest bit brave.
It’s really kind of you to say that.
I think I’m a coward for not going through with it. I think I’m a nuisance for causing two paramedics and four or five policeman to descend upon a rural train station in the middle of nowhere because I can’t cope with ordinary life and struggle to meet people.

I’ve just been for a 8 mile walk around the countryside. I’ve kind of composed my thoughts. I still don’t want to be here. God alone knows what’ll happen next.

One good thing that’s come from this though. I’ve lost half a stone this past three days cos I’ve hardly eaten.
 
Aet290204 said:
I’m really not in the slightest bit brave.
It’s really kind of you to say that.
I think I’m a coward for not going through with it. I think I’m a nuisance for causing two paramedics and four or five policeman to descend upon a rural train station in the middle of nowhere because I can’t cope with ordinary life and struggle to meet people.

I’ve just been for a 8 mile walk around the countryside. I’ve kind of composed my thoughts. I still don’t want to be here. God alone knows what’ll happen next.

One good thing that’s come from this though. I’ve lost half a stone this past three days cos I’ve hardly eaten.
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I think you're incredibly brave. Asking for help is one of the hardest things to do. You weren't being a nuisance, you needed help and those people came to your aid.
Just keep talking to us AET, there's a lot of love on here for you.
 
This echoes the experience of some o my closest friends. They are still alive and, thank ****, so are you. Just keep sharing and please, for gawds sake, stay with us. You're part of the group here and we don't want to be inducting you into the Holgate in the sky. Now, seriously, loads of people have offered to meet an be your mate ... take em up.
 
AET, read your post and was alarmed as usual but was glad to see you're still posting further in the thread ..

I know my words/words mean absolutely nothing when feeling as dreadful as you clearly are .. It isn't going well for me either right now, but I am one of those who tend to shut myself out of everything, and my current 'sabbatical' as a friend jokingly called them, I am struggling badly to ever see a way out of it

I am just glad you're still chatting to us and you know where we all are, man. I am a bit of a night owl to say the least at the minute, so if you ever need anyone to chat to at daft o'clock, PM me ... if I get it I'll respond

Hope tomorrow is a kinder day for you and try not to think about what just happened too much. I know it ain't that easy but just want you to know that.
 
Cosmonaut said:
AET, read your post and was alarmed as usual but was glad to see you're still posting further in the thread ..

I know my words/words mean absolutely nothing when feeling as dreadful as you clearly are .. It isn't going well for me either right now, but I am one of those who tend to shut myself out of everything, and my current 'sabbatical' as a friend jokingly called them, I am struggling badly to ever see a way out of it

I am just glad you're still chatting to us and you know where we all are, man. I am a bit of a night owl to say the least at the minute, so if you ever need anyone to chat to at daft o'clock, PM me ... if I get it I'll respond

Hope tomorrow is a kinder day for you and try not to think about what just happened too much. I know it ain't that easy but just want you to know that.
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Cosmo, thanks. Last thing I wanted to do was alarm anyone so apologies. I just kinda needed to share the story. I haven’t told anyone IRL yet. I don’t actually know if I will. I’m dreading all the “hey did you have a good weekend” bollox from anyone tomorrow. Might just tell them no and tell the whole story so that they never fecking ask me ever again on a Monday.

I was still a bit shaky and wired this afternoon- took the car out and just went for a drive. Ended up at a big Tesco just off the A1 at Peterborough, oooh get me, I know how to live don’t I. Got back, decided to go for a walk around the local farmland. Cleared my thoughts but am still a bit light headed. No idea where we go from here. Guess I’ll find out tomorrow.
 
I'm so sorry that you are feeling so down. I think you have an inner strength that you don't realize you have, and i'm sure you will find a way forward. I have very limited knowledge or experience with depression but having read some of your posts you mentioned losing someone very close to you a long time ago. I hope you don't mind me saying but did your depression start around then i'm thinking that maybe that was such a bad time for you that you didn't fully go through the grieving process and you are still there in the early stages. If so maybe seeking the advice of a grief counsellor will help along side other therapies. I hope i'm not speaking out of turn.
 
I am lucky that depression has overlooked my mind. I feel for you and wish you overcome your fears in the near future.

I live in Thailand my partner in life is a Buddist. She reads and meditates Buddhas teachings, She has a big heart and a clear mind through a very difficult upbringing which would have destroyed many people .

Many of Buddha’s teachings were centered on the power of yourself. When it comes down to it, we should only be influenced by ourselves and value our own opinion the most. We ourselves are the only ones who can change our state of mind .No one saves us but ourselves. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection. Peace comes from within.

Buddha preached the importance of meditation to all of his followers. Meditation is important to relax and unwind, but also to let thoughts run freely in and out of your mind. Meditating daily balances thoughts for the day

Maybe Buddhas teachings and mediation can soothe your pain and bring enlightament .... Pick up a good book now

Yesterday is gone , The future is a dream, today is what matters
 
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