My already fragile mental health

Druss_The_Legend

Well-known member
5 years ago I was in a bad way, my marriage was breaking down, I was self harming and just not in a good place, looking back I had been not mentally stable since my teens. I eventually got a diagnosis and got put on the right medication. Fast forward to the present I live a pretty normal day to day life mentally, I have a young family and a partner I adore, I covered my scars with tattoos so I don't have to look at them everyday(I know some people on here don't agree with tattoos, but for me it is better to look at something creative with meaning everyday than look at something which is a reminder to my previous destructive behaviour), I also have dreams and aspirations again which for years I had just given up on. I don't really like talking about my past mental health issues, but if this gives you hope that life will get better, and the future can and will be bright then I will happily share this little story even if it gives you a slight and positive hope for the future then it was worth me writing this, if my battles with mental health can help one person then in some ways it is worth sharing.
 

Aet290204

Well-known member
I am supposed to be working (from home )
Which I hate
I have No contact with Anyone at all and despite repeatidly mentioning this nothing changes
I’m just gonna stay In bed I’ve had enough
 

sadgit

Active member
Thinking tonight I’m better of dead
no you bloody won't be! I was close to doing just that a few times over the last 18 months. I thought no one would care, how wrong I would have been. Doing so would impact many more people that you will ever understand. I thankfully no long have those dark as hell thoughts but I still struggle to cope with my head at times. I now actually like me for the 1st time in 50 years! I am not fixed and I need to do things for my mental health to keep me in check. I do yoga and Pilates (classes), Meditation (LOADS of free apps/website and it isn't just sitting quiet), I walk again, swim. All in moderation as I did try to do far too much at once and I was doing myself more harm than good. Options like the gym? or groups like Andy Mans Club? to meet like minded people? I go to AMC each Monday, they have helped me so much. Happy to go with you to one as it is hard to walk in for the 1st time.
 

sadgit

Active member
I am supposed to be working (from home )
Which I hate
I have No contact with Anyone at all and despite repeatidly mentioning this nothing changes
I’m just gonna stay In bed I’ve had enough
SO DO I hence why I go to AMC and Yoga etc to see real people and good for the mental heath mate!! x
 

Aet290204

Well-known member
8A7E10CD-297E-4473-AD32-B27FD5C502B6.jpeg

for context these are the pills I’ve stockpiled and which I was about 2 mins away from taking last night. Mixture of prescription drugs and painkillers. They’ve since been thrown on the floor
 

Druss_The_Legend

Well-known member
I am supposed to be working (from home )
Which I hate
I have No contact with Anyone at all and despite repeatidly mentioning this nothing changes
I’m just gonna stay In bed I’ve had enough
It's going to feel like the hardest thing in the world, but get out of bed and do something small but positive. Even if it is starting to read a book you have wanted to read for a while, or starting to learn a new hobby you have fancied. Give yourself a little victory and achievement no matter how small or insignificant it as feel right now. Small but positive steps, my distractions where reading and drawing but what works/worked for me might not work for you, maybe look into joining a club and the first step would be emailing a club. Honestly it will feel like you have a mountain to climb but each small step takes you closer to the top of the mountain.
 

sadgit

Active member
View attachment 31400

for context these are the pills I’ve stockpiled and which I was about 2 mins away from taking last night. Mixture of prescription drugs and painkillers. They’ve since been thrown on the floor
Sorry for everything you are going through but I think you need professional help. Call the Samaritans and/or speak to the critical care team at Roseberry Park. I had to call them twice and they were amazing. Once when I was about to "do it", like I said I no longer feel or think about ending it all, but you need to call

Samaritans - 116123
Roseberry Park - 01642 837300
 

FatFrank

Active member
aet, have you ever completed a daily journal, or thought about it?

I've just began and it just helps slot things so well. I went through a period towards the end of 2021 where I woke up under a grey cloud every day, mind running with every single negative thought I could. Work, weight, money, house, relationship, car... the Boro!

I looked into how I can recover as quickly as possible from this otherwise, most likely it would run into the day and spoil it. So I looked into journalling and taking a freezing cold shower (this enabled me to just completely wipe out every thought in my head as my brain was too busy reacting to the piercingly cold water). Journalling helped me to expel my sh1t thoughts on paper, and plan how I was going to counteract them.

I've since started New Year with a bang and I haven't woken up with a negative thought for weeks. I know this may be a million miles away from the help you trully need, but I guess the approach may tackle some of the loneliness and feeling like you have nobody to talk to.
 

Laughing

Well-known member
For those of us who haven't suffered from mental illness AET has highlighted how common this is, which I am grateful for. I am dubious about the ice cold shower though Frank!

My suggestion, and hear me out, is take up a hobby, I am a close up magician, and for me it was all consuming when I first started learning. The slights can take years to master. It's quite a cheap hobby, a couple of decks of cards and some youtube channels get you started. Books are expensive, but last you years and years and are a great investment.

There are lots of online groups you can join. I know Steve Faulkner has one https://cardmagiccourse.com/. The gold tier (it used to be included in the early days) is 29.99 I think per month but there is a once a week get together at 6pm every Thursday. Whilst I think 30 quid is quite steep, it does get you on zoom with like minded folks.

For free stuff, I am sure you can find online zoom support groups.

If you want to just talk PM me AET and I am happy to get on zoom with you and chat, I can show you some magic, if you like.
 

sadgit

Active member
For those of us who haven't suffered from mental illness AET has highlighted how common this is, which I am grateful for. I am dubious about the ice cold shower though Frank!

Don't be dubious by this. This is why more and more people are doing cold water swimming.. I did for a few months last year and swam in the North Sea at 6am each day but the round trip was too much before I started work. Loads of groups out there for it and not recommended to do it alone :) another way to meet people.
 

Laughing

Well-known member
Don't be dubious by this. This is why more and more people are doing cold water swimming.. I did for a few months last year and swam in the North Sea at 6am each day but the round trip was too much before I started work. Loads of groups out there for it and not recommended to do it alone :) another way to meet people.
Eeek. Good way to meet folks, I am sure.
 

Angus

Well-known member
I know myself it is so hard to be where you are at, everyday is a nightmare and loneliness can be an awful and debilitating thing.

It’s clear that a lot of people on here myself included have been there. I was there for nearly five years before finding the help I really needed it was vile.

A psychological treatment called EMDR changed my life. I am not suggesting it for you necessarily but it was a chance conversation I had that put me onto it. I can now live a normal functioning life again as a consequence. There is an answer/solution out there for you I know finding it can be hard but you have to keep trying.
 
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Aet290204

Well-known member
Just a few comments

i appreciate everyone’s comments

I did eventually start work, and I have actually spoken to someone (for a change)

It doesn’t help my unhappiness with the direction my employers are taking forcing WFh on us but hey.

I don’t live on Teesside, I haven’t since 2001 so whilst I know they are well meaning any local recommendations aren’t much use to me.

I take the point about exercise but am struggling as I’ve been poorly and struggling with dizziness so any sudden movement makes me feel sick. I taught myself to jog during lockdown but it’s a struggle and I’m nowhere near being able to do any physical exercise. Just going out walking in this weather is draining.

i really wish I could be happy or even just content with life but it just isn’t happening
 
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