Good night

So I’ve
red_harrington said:
We're all here for you AET (y)
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I so wish I believed that

I read this thread and all kind words and then I read the other threads with the utter b***ks about warnock and covid, there was a thread yesterday about Buckingham palace, Ken loach. So much sanctimony on here. I’m a million miles away from it, so much aggression. Who on earth gets off on being so argumentative and aggressive

I can’t be doing with it. I’m exhausted. I’m beaten and out of here.
 
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We love a row, it's what we do. It means nothing. I doubt there is one person on here I could not have a drink with. Ok there is one person.

We live in a Monty Python sketch.
 
Mate, it's differences of opinion that's all. Yes, like any "discussion" it can all get a bit heated. That's life, try joining in, tell us we're talking b0llox and we'll laugh and tell you the same.

It is not hatred it is just people being people. We don't all agree on every subject it would be a strange and boring world if we did. Conflict is in our nature. I realise that you might find the frank exchange of opinions unsettling. Please try to view them through a softer light. One thing I believe we all care about is each other. Have a look at the thread about Sean Locke a comedian personally unknown to us all (as far as I know) and yet we are expressing our sadness at his passing.

You are important to us. You are Boro you are one of our own and you don't get to choose whether we care or not. We do.
 
Breaks my heart to read your posts AET ... I know it seems like a feeble gesture to say we're all here for you. I struggle my self having been diagnosed with a depressive disorder since my early teens, I'm mid-30s now. It's a grind to say 'learn to live with it' ... I have been passed from pillar to post with services trying to get to the bottom of what it is, never succeeded really and just ground through the hardest of times. It's cost me jobs, even more than that.

I have tried exercising more, I already am an avid hiker and walk miles with the hound most days, though within a couple of hours of being back home it all comes back again and doesn't seem to have done me any good.

Haven't had the easiest year since Covid hit ... some days I get through it. Sometimes I feel I'm only around to care for my dog as pathetic as that sounds, he's been a Godsend to me. Gets me out of the house when I'm sick, I'm close to returning to work but my anxiety has hit full pelt overthinking things when I know I'm capable to slot back in and get on with things.

Some days it feels like a mammoth task just getting out of bed on a morning ... I'm sure you relate to that. I've had some very ugly episodes over the past year where I haven't left my room for days. Luckily I have my Mother to care for my dog when I'm feeling sick.

We are all here to talk to you though and I hope some time we can all meet and it does a lot of good to get back out and about though I understand within a flash you can become isolated again and not knowing where to turn, there's helplines, the lot .. I've tried them all in the past, talking therapies, meds ... nothing has ever seemed to work. Even family and close friends lose patience with me but I've learned to just live with that. It's me on my own, not to sound self-pitied. I don't want sympathy at all ... It's a battle I just hope one day I learn to be freed from the shackles of it all.

I am pleased to read however, that the likes of MIND have offered you some respite. Keep at it.

Just want to say I hope you are having a better day today, keep posting and letting us all know how you are. I know what it's like, Hell doesn't even cut it.

Hang in there, man.

Ironically, I have worked for a local mental health trust for a long period of my working life too haha! Some days there I've had panic attacks so extreme before meetings I'd have to lock myself in a cubicle to pull myself together. I don't know how I got through some days I have in the past.

It's so hard juggling life as it is and this illness day by day. Wish I knew better words to articulate the difficulties of it all and getting people to understand what you are fighting.

I don't wanna keep repeating the 'you aren't alone' lines etc as I know they don't make one feel any better when battling such a b****d of an illness.

Every time you post on here though makes me feel better just to know you're doing OK, even if you're having a bad day, we're all good guys on here. You know you can talk to any of us and you have support here.

I hope you find a way to beat or work out a way to deal this fker ... learning to live with it can take years and years, surrounded by pressure to just 'man up' and deal with it overnight ... a load of sh1t. It's so more vastly complex and misunderstood.

Be well, mate. I hope today is a good day for you. Keep posting. Hopefully, the Boro will get three points tonight
 
Cosmonaut said:
Breaks my heart to read your posts AET ... I know it seems like a feeble gesture to say we're all here for you. I struggle my self having been diagnosed with a depressive disorder since my early teens, I'm mid-30s now. It's a grind to say 'learn to live with it' ... I have been passed from pillar to post with services trying to get to the bottom of what it is, never succeeded really and just ground through the hardest of times. It's cost me jobs, even more than that.

I have tried exercising more, I already am an avid hiker and walk miles with the hound most days, though within a couple of hours of being back home it all comes back again and doesn't seem to have done me any good.

Haven't had the easiest year since Covid hit ... some days I get through it. Sometimes I feel I'm only around to care for my dog as pathetic as that sounds, he's been a Godsend to me. Gets me out of the house when I'm sick, I'm close to returning to work but my anxiety has hit full pelt overthinking things when I know I'm capable to slot back in and get on with things.

Some days it feels like a mammoth task just getting out of bed on a morning ... I'm sure you relate to that. I've had some very ugly episodes over the past year where I haven't left my room for days. Luckily I have my Mother to care for my dog when I'm feeling sick.

We are all here to talk to you though and I hope some time we can all meet and it does a lot of good to get back out and about though I understand within a flash you can become isolated again and not knowing where to turn, there's helplines, the lot .. I've tried them all in the past, talking therapies, meds ... nothing has ever seemed to work. Even family and close friends lose patience with me but I've learned to just live with that. It's me on my own, not to sound self-pitied. I don't want sympathy at all ... It's a battle I just hope one day I learn to be freed from the shackles of it all.

I am pleased to read however, that the likes of MIND have offered you some respite. Keep at it.

Just want to say I hope you are having a better day today, keep posting and letting us all know how you are. I know what it's like, Hell doesn't even cut it.

Hang in there, man.

Ironically, I have worked for a local mental health trust for a long period of my working life too haha! Some days there I've had panic attacks so extreme before meetings I'd have to lock myself in a cubicle to pull myself together. I don't know how I got through some days I have in the past.

It's so hard juggling life as it is and this illness day by day. Wish I knew better words to articulate the difficulties of it all and getting people to understand what you are fighting.

I don't wanna keep repeating the 'you aren't alone' lines etc as I know they don't make one feel any better when battling such a b****d of an illness.

Every time you post on here though makes me feel better just to know you're doing OK, even if you're having a bad day, we're all good guys on here. You know you can talk to any of us and you have support here.

I hope you find a way to beat or work out a way to deal this fker ... learning to live with it can take years and years, surrounded by pressure to just 'man up' and deal with it overnight ... a load of sh1t. It's so more vastly complex and misunderstood.

Be well, mate. I hope today is a good day for you. Keep posting. Hopefully, the Boro will get three points tonight
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Appreciate that. 👍 thanks
 
Aet290204 said:
So I’ve

I so wish I believed that

I read this thread and all kind words and then I read the other threads with the utter b***ks about warnock and covid, there was a thread yesterday about Buckingham palace.....
Click to expand...

It's OK.

A lot of it is just letting off steam.

The alternative is bottling up all the frustration & desperation we feel about the world.

Sometimes it is just good to vent and rant and let it all out, even if it's misguided or even completely wrong.

Remember none of it is personally directed at you, and feel comfort in the fact that any serious aggressor WILL be put in their place.
 
Cosmonaut said:
Breaks my heart to read your posts AET ... I know it seems like a feeble gesture to say we're all here for you. I struggle my self having been diagnosed with a depressive disorder since my early teens, I'm mid-30s now. It's a grind to say 'learn to live with it' ... I have been passed from pillar to post with services trying to get to the bottom of what it is, never succeeded really and just ground through the hardest of times. It's cost me jobs, even more than that.

I have tried exercising more, I already am an avid hiker and walk miles with the hound most days, though within a couple of hours of being back home it all comes back again and doesn't seem to have done me any good.

Haven't had the easiest year since Covid hit ... some days I get through it. Sometimes I feel I'm only around to care for my dog as pathetic as that sounds, he's been a Godsend to me. Gets me out of the house when I'm sick, I'm close to returning to work but my anxiety has hit full pelt overthinking things when I know I'm capable to slot back in and get on with things.

Some days it feels like a mammoth task just getting out of bed on a morning ... I'm sure you relate to that. I've had some very ugly episodes over the past year where I haven't left my room for days. Luckily I have my Mother to care for my dog when I'm feeling sick.

We are all here to talk to you though and I hope some time we can all meet and it does a lot of good to get back out and about though I understand within a flash you can become isolated again and not knowing where to turn, there's helplines, the lot .. I've tried them all in the past, talking therapies, meds ... nothing has ever seemed to work. Even family and close friends lose patience with me but I've learned to just live with that. It's me on my own, not to sound self-pitied. I don't want sympathy at all ... It's a battle I just hope one day I learn to be freed from the shackles of it all.

I am pleased to read however, that the likes of MIND have offered you some respite. Keep at it.

Just want to say I hope you are having a better day today, keep posting and letting us all know how you are. I know what it's like, Hell doesn't even cut it.

Hang in there, man.

Ironically, I have worked for a local mental health trust for a long period of my working life too haha! Some days there I've had panic attacks so extreme before meetings I'd have to lock myself in a cubicle to pull myself together. I don't know how I got through some days I have in the past.

It's so hard juggling life as it is and this illness day by day. Wish I knew better words to articulate the difficulties of it all and getting people to understand what you are fighting.

I don't wanna keep repeating the 'you aren't alone' lines etc as I know they don't make one feel any better when battling such a b****d of an illness.

Every time you post on here though makes me feel better just to know you're doing OK, even if you're having a bad day, we're all good guys on here. You know you can talk to any of us and you have support here.

I hope you find a way to beat or work out a way to deal this fker ... learning to live with it can take years and years, surrounded by pressure to just 'man up' and deal with it overnight ... a load of sh1t. It's so more vastly complex and misunderstood.

Be well, mate. I hope today is a good day for you. Keep posting. Hopefully, the Boro will get three points tonight
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Cosmo i can identify with most of that and thanks for taking the time to write that.
I’ve suffered with anxiety and depression for years but This bout of depression started well before the pandemic with some problems at home, and it’s just spiralled. Changes enforced on my life through lockdown and my employers forcing me to work from home in isolation. I too tried exercise, long walks, counting steps and even took up running. And now this godforsaken illness I’ve been struck down with has stopped all that. The battles I’ve had to have with a godforsaken doctors surgery who won’t see me face to face, the foreign doctors you can barely comprehend over a phone call, who then panicked and stuck me in a hospital bed for three days with a misdiagnosis. I’ve just had enough of feeling sick abdand last night was the most desperate I’ve felt ever. There’s just no way out. Like you I know people get fed up with me and don’t understand. Further up the thread I mentioned the How are you question at work. Utter bollox - if you don’t want me to answer honestly then don’t ask at all.

It just seems to me to be something you live with. An affliction that doesn’t go away and that no one other than you understands.

I’m thankful to the two people I spoke to last night. I’ve got so many prescription drugs I’ve accumulated over the years I really don’t know what I’d have done. Incidentally I tried 111 option 2 but got cut off. Such is our “wonderful” NHS.
 
Aet290204 said:
Cosmo i can identify with most of that and thanks for taking the time to write that.
I’ve suffered with anxiety and depression for years but This bout of depression started well before the pandemic with some problems at home, and it’s just spiralled. Changes enforced on my life through lockdown and my employers forcing me to work from home in isolation. I too tried exercise, long walks, counting steps and even took up running. And now this godforsaken illness I’ve been struck down with has stopped all that. The battles I’ve had to have with a godforsaken doctors surgery who won’t see me face to face, the foreign doctors you can barely comprehend over a phone call, who then panicked and stuck me in a hospital bed for three days with a misdiagnosis. I’ve just had enough of feeling sick abdand last night was the most desperate I’ve felt ever. There’s just no way out. Like you I know people get fed up with me and don’t understand. Further up the thread I mentioned the How are you question at work. Utter bollox - if you don’t want me to answer honestly then don’t ask at all.

It just seems to me to be something you live with. An affliction that doesn’t go away and that no one other than you understands.

I’m thankful to the two people I spoke to last night. I’ve got so many prescription drugs I’ve accumulated over the years I really don’t know what I’d have done. Incidentally I tried 111 option 2 but got cut off. Such is our “wonderful” NHS.
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I've been through as much as you've mentioned there more or less.

I was going to say GPs are useless but they can only do so much in their position, though I wish they had more of an education or plan of action in such a scenario with a patient, on what are the appropriate medications to prescribe for someone displaying symptoms of a depressive illness

They seem, on the whole, far too quick to rush a patient out and send them away with a prescription for Sertraline (God awful IMO) and give them a number for talking therapies etc. I understand they are under pressure with time etc, but more needs to be done and focused on with what a patient actually requires.

I must have been on every SSRI med under the Sun, not a single one worked. Venlafaxine made my behaviour ten times worse and even given me seizures at one point, though it was thought to be linked to other possible disorders in combination that ran in the family, there's very little history really of stuff like that though. I just remember feeling badly out of sorts then the next thing I knew I was in the back of an ambulance. I didn't want to be as candid as this, to be honest, but I think most SSRI meds prescribed these days are incredibly damaging to patients in the long term, suffering such a thing. That was quite a while ago now. Bad reaction ... I dread to think of the damage I've done trying so many over such a long period of time.

This isn't an advert to never try anything prescribed, some people respond incredibly well to certain common SSRI meds prescribed for anxiety, OCD, general depressive illnesses. I just don't think they're any good in the long term and I don't really trust them.

Having worked for TEWV the local mental health Trust though, I know how brilliant some of the guys are working flat out within the Trust in helping people. It's just a shame some of us never find the right way out of it or a steady way of dealing with the issue when engaged with the service. I know a lot of the NHS helplnes though are lousy as hell, there needs to be a lot more work done in that respect to improve the service they offer.

Most of my family and friends have lost patience with me and more or less, make it out that I've been 'putting it on' ... like I'd do that for over 20 years .. but I'm past the point of caring, whatever people think, really doesn't matter a jot to me anymore.

I'm trying to get back into work now, the past three interviews I am waiting to hear back from but can't say I was at my best on the days I had them so keep going over it again and again in my head with what I said when I attended them. :ROFLMAO:

Getting rather sick of having too much time to think about stuff over and over in my head and would rather be back at work. I'm a musician as well but to be honest, struggling to muster the enthusiasm to pick it up and create/teach .. it's been a bloody rough year.

I don't like to go on about myself. But when I read others posting such as yourself I have to reach out and give as much support as I can, through my own experience.

I hope you find a way to get yourself up and about and back out doing what you enjoy soon, AET. I know it can take a lot of time, I understand.

Take the time you need, however long it may be, I'm sure you will come out of the other side eventually. I'm really sorry it's not been going too well of late.

I wish I had a magic wand and I'd make it go away for everyone going through the same thing. We live in such strange times, I've never known so many with the same complaints. A friend of mine is suffering from PTSD and as an ex-soldier, the recent news of Afghanistan etc where he lost friends etc has made him sick again. I try my best to console him, but sometimes no matter what you say, it isn't going to change a thing while they're in such a state.

To anyone else suffering the same, Godspeed to you. We can beat it, I hope it happens sooner than later and one can find peace.
 
Glad you’re still here AET and I hope you keep posting on here. There is some decent people here to help and listen and talk to you at anytime. I honestly hope you will get back to enjoy whatever you love to do very soon but I can understand that it might take time for that tbh.

Take care of yourself AET and stay strong fella and talk/post soon. I’m out of here for a short break away from this site. One day some people will actually realise that they’re wrong and shouldn’t make any accusations. Bye for now. Cheers Mr DCFC
 
Cosmonaut said:
I've been through as much as you've mentioned there more or less.

I was going to say GPs are useless but they can only do so much in their position, though I wish they had more of an education or plan of action in such a scenario with a patient, on what are the appropriate medications to prescribe for someone displaying symptoms of a depressive illness

They seem, on the whole, far too quick to rush a patient out and send them away with a prescription for Sertraline (God awful IMO) and give them a number for talking therapies etc. I understand they are under pressure with time etc, but more needs to be done and focused on with what a patient actually requires.

I must have been on every SSRI med under the Sun, not a single one worked. Venlafaxine made my behaviour ten times worse and even given me seizures at one point, though it was thought to be linked to other possible disorders in combination that ran in the family, there's very little history really of stuff like that though. I just remember feeling badly out of sorts then the next thing I knew I was in the back of an ambulance. I didn't want to be as candid as this, to be honest, but I think most SSRI meds prescribed these days are incredibly damaging to patients in the long term, suffering such a thing. That was quite a while ago now. Bad reaction ... I dread to think of the damage I've done trying so many over such a long period of time.

This isn't an advert to never try anything prescribed, some people respond incredibly well to certain common SSRI meds prescribed for anxiety, OCD, general depressive illnesses. I just don't think they're any good in the long term and I don't really trust them.

Having worked for TEWV the local mental health Trust though, I know how brilliant some of the guys are working flat out within the Trust in helping people. It's just a shame some of us never find the right way out of it or a steady way of dealing with the issue when engaged with the service. I know a lot of the NHS helplnes though are lousy as hell, there needs to be a lot more work done in that respect to improve the service they offer.

Most of my family and friends have lost patience with me and more or less, make it out that I've been 'putting it on' ... like I'd do that for over 20 years .. but I'm past the point of caring, whatever people think, really doesn't matter a jot to me anymore.

I'm trying to
I don't like to go on about myself. But when I read others posting such as yourself I have to reach out and give as much support as I can, through my own experience.

I hope you find a way to get yourself up and about and back out doing what you enjoy soon, AET. I know it can take a lot of time, I understand.

Take the time you need, however long it may be, I'm sure you will come out of the other side eventually. I'm really sorry it's not been going too well of late.

I wish I had a magic wand and I'd make it go away for everyone going through the same thing. We live in such strange times, I've never known so many with the same complaints. A friend of mine is suffering from PTSD and as an ex-soldier, the recent news of Afghanistan etc where he lost friends etc has made him sick again. I try my best to console him, but sometimes no matter what you say, it isn't going to change a thing while they're in such a state.

To anyone else suffering the same, Godspeed to you. We can beat it, I hope it happens sooner than later and one can find peace.
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I won’t go into the points about SSRI’s but I have never found anti depressants useful and sadly it’s all the useless GPs can offer. Pathetically inadequate. Sertraline is a horrific drug. Gave me mouth ulcers and left me unable to eat.

as for talking about and sharing your own experiences with others (strangers) - no harm done there I would say. If you find writing it down therapeutic then it’s done some good.

There is no magic wand. And there never will be.
take care now
 
Morning AET.

take heart from the fact that you didn't, and I'm sure I'm not the only one on this board who is pleased and grateful that you didn't.
 
You need a supportive group of people. A lot of negative feelings disappear when around other human beings in a positive environment (in the real world, not social media)

It could be AA, a Church or a specific mental health support group, drama (you are good at that ;) ) a choir...just something where you feel part of a bigger group and a lot of these feelings will disappear
 
BoroBukowski said:
You need a supportive group of people. A lot of negative feelings disappear when around other human beings in a positive environment (in the real world, not social media)

It could be AA, a Church or a specific mental health support group, drama (you are good at that ;) ) a choir...just something where you feel part of a bigger group and a lot of these feelings will disappear
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Yes I do need a supportive group of people.
I’m not sure this is the place for this.
I’ve tried to engage. I’ve failed.
Some nice people on here but out-numbered by some right bloody horrible people on here.
 
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