Good night

Aet290204

Well-known member
I’ve just spent an hour writing a post about suicide and what’s happened to me today and over the past months but I’ve just deleted it all without posting.

Goodnight.

Dreading waking up when my neighbours dog starts whining and wailing at 6am and I’ll have to cope with another day that I don’t want to be here.

UTB
 

NZBoro1

Well-known member
I’ve just spent an hour writing a post about suicide and what’s happened to me today and over the past months but I’ve just deleted it all without posting.

Goodnight.

Dreading waking up when my neighbours dog starts whining and wailing at 6am and I’ll have to cope with another day that I don’t want to be here.

UTB
Please stay strong AET. Hopefully, writing the post down and also coming on here has helped in some way. You are not alone mate.
 

weemoby

Well-known member
Take care aet.
All being well please give me a shout on his thread in the morning . I reckon I will have a poorly head after watching a very mediocre Boro performance (plus about 6 pints!) in Cornwall.

Take care my friend and UTB 👍
 

Aet290204

Well-known member
Wide awake even earlier today.

The post I deleted went through the various practical ways of attempting suicide. And the reasons why I wanted to do it. Basically what’s been going through my head for years. UTB
 

American_Mary

Well-known member
Wide awake even earlier today.

The post I deleted went through the various practical ways of attempting suicide. And the reasons why I wanted to do it. Basically what’s been going through my head for years. UTB
It’s a lovely morning to be awake early, best part of the day, the fact that you’re discussing how you feel is a massive positive.

Anything you’re looking forward to today or anything you fancy doing that you’ve put off for a while that you can be doing ?

Hopefully writing things down last night has helped and today will be better than yesterday, and tomorrow even better still, are there any practical steps you can take that might help with how you feel towards things ? If so pick one and see how you get on with it today, and always remember that when things are at their worst the only direction they can go is better.

Take care and keep posting, Aet
 

Aet290204

Well-known member
Anything you’re looking forward to today or anything you fancy doing that you’ve put off for a while that you can be doing ?
Absolutely nothing to look forward to.

Just another day working from home. Not seeing anyone or having little or any contact with the office.

and another day with more dizziness and incessant pain in my ear that no doctor says they can help me with

i had my first physio appointment yesterday and feel utterly deflated after it

I suppose I could always ring the doctors and get signed off with stress/anxiety/depression
 

American_Mary

Well-known member
Absolutely nothing to look forward to.

Just another day working from home. Not seeing anyone or having little or any contact with the office.

and another day with more dizziness and incessant pain in my ear that no doctor says they can help me with

i had my first physio appointment yesterday and feel utterly deflated after it

I suppose I could always ring the doctors and get signed off with stress/anxiety/depression
That’s horrible I know I had a bout with vertigo last year and it’s was a very discombobulating experience, give physio a chance, Rome wasn’t built in a day and it might be a few sessions to make any noticeable difference.

If you think having some time off will help then do it but I’d go for the ear as the issue, your employer then might be able to offer support if they’re not already aware off the issue.

I understand that you’re in pain and that you might not feel like doing much but have a think of what might help, even if it’s a treat for tea time or a little purchase online, the latter gives you the opportunity to look forward to delivery, too. Sometimes something as simple as a soak in a warm bath with some music or a decent read can help wash away some of the negative feelings, and don’t be hard on yourself, the mind is a muscle and we can all tweak a muscle from time to time.
 

Borobuddah

Well-known member
Sometimes just writing things down can be therapeutic in itself, it sounds like you were wise in deciding your words were for yourself and not for sharing, but you have given us the general thoughts. I really hope you get better soon, in so many ways.

good luck and take care
 

Aet290204

Well-known member
offer of a zoom or phone call is still on the table AET, I am happy to have a chat
Sometimes just writing things down can be therapeutic in itself, it sounds like you were wise in deciding your words were for yourself and not for sharing, but you have given us the general thoughts. I really hope you get better soon, in so many ways.

good luck and take care
Well I read it back. I have a mantra with work emails and anything else that I write that if it’s too long folk would get bored. So I summarised it.

I do know I left the house about 11pm last night with the intention of harming myself but because of my balance problems I couldn’t get very far.
 
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anth25

Active member
Have no advice to offer as anything I tried would be misplaced and uninformed and I'd worry about saying the wrong thing. All I will say is that my family lost someone to suicide earlier this year. Having seen the impact that has had on his immediate family has been heartbreaking. I really hope that you can find another way out of the situation that you're in. All the best from one internet stranger to another
 

Aet290204

Well-known member
Have no advice to offer as anything I tried would be misplaced and uninformed and I'd worry about saying the wrong thing. All I will say is that my family lost someone to suicide earlier this year. Having seen the impact that has had on his immediate family has been heartbreaking. I really hope that you can find another way out of the situation that you're in. All the best from one internet stranger to another
Gosh I’m Sorry to hear that. Depression is a horrible affliction.
 
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