Dad Jokes - all welcome!

[bear66]

I'm reading A Brief History of Time . . . well I was.

 

[Liamo]

The seasons are all different. Summer warmer than others.

 

[paul66]

i bought my dog off an ironmonger

if you kick him in the nuts he makes a bolt for the door

 

[Funky_Chicken]

Walked into my kitchen this morning an there was a dead mouse on the floor, I said to the cat I suppose that was you was it ? My cat said me - ow ?

 

[El Guapo]

Was strolling through the graveyard on my way to church early on Sunday when I saw a bloke crouched by a grave. “Morning “ I said. He replied “no I’m having a shiit, now fck off!”

 

[FatCat]

My mate is a railway enthusiast. When he was run over by a steam engine, he was chuffed to bits.

 

[FatCat]

A man passed me on a tractor shouting it’s the end of the world, I think it was farmer Gedden

 

[FatCat]

What’s brown and not very heavy?

Light brown

 

[Konrad_the_Barbarian]

I got kicked out of the drill section of B&Q. I won't be going back there for bit.

 

[Borobuddah]

What’s brown and sticky?

a stick!

 

[Borobuddah]

I’m very good in bed.....

I go straight to sleep?

 

[FatCat]

At a time when we should be supporting our Emergency Service Staff the most, I’ve just read that thieves have broken into my local police station and stolen all the toilets!!

...the Police say they have nothing to go on

 

[paul66]

in further news the police were today informed that a large hole had appeared on the A19, they are currently looking into it

 

[FatCat]

"Dad can you tell me what a solar eclipse is?"
No sun.

 

[FatCat]

I had a dream I was swimming in a ocean of orange soda.

Turns out it was just a Fanta Sea.

 

[Biggy]

As I handed my dad his 60th birthday card he looked up at me with tears in his eyes. “Thanks Bob, but you only had to get me 1”

 

[FatCat]

I’ve just seen an advert for the local nudist convention...

...I might go if I’ve nothing on

 

[FatCat]

Did you hear about the flasher who was thinking about retiring?

He decided to stick it out for one more year

 

[atomicloonybin aka ALB]

"Dad, why is my sister called Teresa?"

"Well son, your mother and me love Easter so much, we made an anagram to remind us of our favourite thing. Anything else you need to know Alan?"

 

[Cardiffdaffs]