Dad Jokes - all welcome!

Always sad when I hear a Sophie Ellis-Bextor song on the radio now she's dead. But also because of the involvement of my favourite French player...

You must have seen the headlines too: Murder on Zidane's floor
 
Goat walks into a bar.
"A pint of Magnet please landlord" said the goat.
"Sorry we dont serve kids" replied the barman.
 
There has never been a female ginger chancelor for one reason only...

imagine the reporter quiping "and the chancelor is outside no11 showing off her red box!"
 
Last week, my next door neighbour asked me:

“Seen as our houses are the same design... Can I ask how many rolls of wallpaper you bought to decorate the living room?”

“Thirteen” I said.

Today, he came round looking angry: “I’ve got three rolls left over!!!”

“So did I!” I said
 
Told my Yoga Instructer that I wanted her to teach me how to do the splits...

“Are you flexible?” She said

“Well I can do every other Tuesday?” I replied.
 
Some topical ones...

Ran out of toilet roll, so reduced to wiping my bum with lettuce leaves. I fear that's just the tip of the iceberg..

The World Health Organization has announced that dogs cannot contract Covid-19. Dogs previously held in quarantine can now be released. To be clear, WHO let the dogs out.
 
Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.
 
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