Dad Jokes - all welcome!


Well-known member
A husband a wife were playing foursomes golf (alternate shots). On the first hole, a par four, the husband tees off and drives the ball 250 yards down the middle of the fairway. His wife takes the 2nd shot and shanks it right into the rough. The husband then takes a five wood out of the rough and flies it 180 yards onto the green stopping two foot from the hole. His wife walks up and pulls the putt left. The husband taps in for a five. Walking across to the 2nd tee the husband mentions that they should have done better than a five. “Don’t blame me”, says his wife. “I only had two shots, you had three”.

Carlos Fandango

Well-known member
Boris Johnson is visiting an Edinburgh hospital.
He enters a ward full of patients with no obvious sign of injury or illness,
He greets one.
The patient replies:

Fair fa your honest sonsie face,
Great chieftain o the puddin race,
Aboon them a ye take yer place,
Painch, tripe or thairm,
As langs my airm.

Johnson is confused, so he just grins and moves on to the next patient.
The next patient responds:

Some hae meat an canna eat,
And some wad eat that want it,
But we hae meat an we can eat,
So let the Lord be thankit.

Even more confused, and his grin now rictus-like, the Prime Minister moves
on to the next patient,
who immediately begins to chant:

Wee sleekit, cowerin, timorous beasty,
O the panic in thy breasty,
Thou needna start awa sae hastie,
Wi bickering brattle

Now seriously troubled, Johnson turns to the accompanying doctor and
asks, 'Is this a psychiatric ward?'

'No,' replies the doctor, 'this is the serious Burns unit.'