Dad Jokes - all welcome!

A Teesside a mackem and a Jamaican are waiting outside the maternity ward for news of the birth of their children.

A nurse comes out "I'm really sorry but there's been a terrible mix up and we don't know which baby is which" she says. "Do you think you'd be able to go in and try and work it out and pick your own baby?"

The teessider goes first and minutes later comes out carrying a black baby.

" Erm, I'm pretty sure that one's mine" says the Jamaican.

"I know" says the teessider. "But one of those other two is a mackem and I'm not taking any chances".
 
At a wedding reception two families from either side of the couple are sat at the same table. They have never met each other. During the course of the meal it is obvious they are not getting along. Finally the Dads start talking to each other. “Hi, I’m Godfrey. I’m a Concert Pianist, my wife Lydia is a solo celloist, my son Courtney is a chief violinist and my daughter Primrose is a classic oboist. You’ll have to pop round our house sometime and we’ll play a Concerto for you. What do you do by the way”? “Oh hi Godfrey, my name is Jack. I am a black belt and instructor in Judo, my wife Jill teaches Karate, son Butch is a top amateur boxer and Chantelle is a female wrestler. You’ll have to come round our house sometime and we’ll kick your fooking heads in”!
 
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Just been watching 2 blind men having a fight. You should have seen their faces when I shouted 'my monies on the 1 with the knife'.
 
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