Dad Jokes - all welcome!


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3 burglars are running from the police when they come across some sacks so decide to hide in them.

When the police chasing them turn the corner they approach the sacks suspiciously.

An officer gives the first sack a kick. "Woof" shouts the first burglar

"Just a dog" the officer says to his colleagues.

He kicks the second sack

"Miaow" shouts the second burglar

"It's just a cat" says the officer.

He kicks the third sack.

"Potatoes" shouts the third burglar.


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Father O'mally died and was met at the gates of heaven by St Peter.

' come in my son ,is there anything that has been troubling you in the mortal world'?

Well now you mention it says father O'Mally, that father O'Brien plays golf every Sunday before mass which is a sin and a shame.

Come here my son and look at this.

Father O'Brien gets a hole in one instantly.

I dont understand says Father O'Malley, how us that a punishment?

Well now, st Peter replied, who us he going to tell?


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In Jamaica a pork pie is £2.49
In Barbados a steak and kidney pie is £4.10
In Bermuda a chicken and leak pie is £3.99

I thought you’d all like to see the pie rates of the Caribbean


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A woman is in love with two men, both of who want to marry her, and doesn't know what to do, so she goes to see her dad to ask his advice.

Her dad says, "Well what are their prospects?"

She replies, "One works in a chip shop and the other is a poet".

Her father thinks for a moment and says, "I see your problem, you can't decide who to marry for batter or verse."


Well-known member
A man has choose between 3 women to marry.

One is very rich

One is very intelligent

One is very funny.

Which one does he choose?

The one with the biggest t*ts.