Dad Jokes - all welcome!

A woman buys a parrot from a dockside pub and when she gets it home, it won't stop swearing at her. So her husband went to see the landlord to see if he had any ideas...

"Every time it swears at you put it in the fridge for ten minutes" he says, "it doesn't like the cold"

So the next time the parrot swore at them the husband picked it up and put it in the fridge and shut the door...

...quarter of an hour passed and the husband opens the fridge door and there's the parrot hugging itself and shivering uncontrollably, it's beak has gone blue...

"Now are you going to behave yourself now?" says the husband, the parrot just looks up at him meekly and nods it's head...

"No more swearing OK ?" the parrot nods it's agreement, the husband holds his hand out and the parrot hops on his finger.

...he sits staring at the husband then beckons him to come closer, the husband places his ear next to the parrots beak and the parrot whispers in his ear...

"What the **** did that chicken do ?"
 
The kids keep laughing at me and making jokes about my memory, well they won't be laughing when there's no eggs under the Christmas tree
 
Lefty said:
A woman buys a parrot from a dockside pub and when she gets it home, it won't stop swearing at her. So her husband went to see the landlord to see if he had any ideas...

"Every time it swears at you put it in the fridge for ten minutes" he says, "it doesn't like the cold"

So the next time the parrot swore at them the husband picked it up and put it in the fridge and shut the door...

...quarter of an hour passed and the husband opens the fridge door and there's the parrot hugging itself and shivering uncontrollably, it's beak has gone blue...

"Now are you going to behave yourself now?" says the husband, the parrot just looks up at him meekly and nods it's head...

"No more swearing OK ?" the parrot nods it's agreement, the husband holds his hand out and the parrot hops on his finger.

...he sits staring at the husband then beckons him to come closer, the husband places his ear next to the parrots beak and the parrot whispers in his ear...

"What the **** did that chicken do ?"
Click to expand...
One of my favourite jokes, thanks for posting 😁
 
Lefty said:
A woman buys a parrot from a dockside pub and when she gets it home, it won't stop swearing at her. So her husband went to see the landlord to see if he had any ideas...

"Every time it swears at you put it in the fridge for ten minutes" he says, "it doesn't like the cold"

So the next time the parrot swore at them the husband picked it up and put it in the fridge and shut the door...

...quarter of an hour passed and the husband opens the fridge door and there's the parrot hugging itself and shivering uncontrollably, it's beak has gone blue...

"Now are you going to behave yourself now?" says the husband, the parrot just looks up at him meekly and nods it's head...

"No more swearing OK ?" the parrot nods it's agreement, the husband holds his hand out and the parrot hops on his finger.

...he sits staring at the husband then beckons him to come closer, the husband places his ear next to the parrots beak and the parrot whispers in his ear...

"What the **** did that chicken do ?"
Click to expand...
Genuine story, I was a very young man working at BOC on the Docs in Hull, went to a dockside hardware shop for some insulating tape. Went in, no one to be seen but a parrot on a perch that said “waddaya want”. I ignored it, it said again “waddaya want” I’m not answering a f’kin parrot so I ignored it again. This went on four or five times, in the end I lost it and said firmly ‘I want some friggin insulating tape’ then the bloke from out the back said ‘what colour?’ B’stard!
True that.
 
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