Farting

GibbosEmpire

GibbosEmpire

Well-known member
Working today and a guy came in the office just to say hello to me while I was working, I did the smelliest, most rotten eggiest warmest fart ever, he went to shake my hand just seconds after, he stepped back and his face was a picture, he knew that I knew that he knew what was happening and he had to stay there for about a minute while we chatted to save himself from embarrassment. Best fart story you've done?
 
Walking home from a meal out with the wife. I'd had a few pints and now had a really bad case of hiccups, they were really really loud.

Thankfully not many people about but we were approaching a bus stop that had a few people waiting at it.

"Look, just try not to hiccup till we get past the bus stop" my wife pleaded with me.

I promised I'd try.

Unfortunately just as we drew level with the people at the bus stop I couldn't prevent myself doing another massive hiccup, which also had the unfortunate effect of pushing out a very loud fart at the other end immediately afterwards. Perfect comic timing.

Although mortifying, I don't think we stopped laughing till we got home.
 
Came home from college on the bus many years back. My guts had been playing up with little baby farts seeping out all morning. While sitting on the bus I felt one brewing and so leant slightly to the side to allow the little peep easy access out of my bottom.

Gave a little push. Nothing happened.

Another little push. Still nothing.

Increased the pressure ever so slightly and unleashed the Mother of all Farts. Windows shook and I swear the bus vibrated. And all heads at the front turned to the back of the bus where I was sat.

Panicking somewhat - I quickly turned my own head to the right where a little old fella was sat. You know the type. Really old. Oblivious to most things going on around him.

He'd not noticed my fart (somehow) and never noticed when all those searching eyes from the front of the bus eventually landed on him. I think my slightly shaking head and look of disgust on my face really sold the deceit.
 
Was alone in the car alone, so felt comfortable letting rip 💨

Hadn’t factored in that I was on speakerphone with a very senior lady I used to work with 🙈 neither of us ever referred to it. I’ve never fessed to it to anyone before either.
 
bumface said:
I farted once but I didn't really enjoy it so I never did it again.
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Hmmm...
i-dont-believe-you-lies.gif
 
I once dropped one in a packed supermarket, tesco I think, when I was severely hung over. It was absolutely rotten, even made me feel a bit sick.

The people in the vicinity walking past were saying that something must have gone off or one of the fridges had broken.

My (now ex) GF was so disgusted that she walked out and left me in the shop.

I was and still am strangely proud of it.
 
Colgates_shaving_foam said:
I once dropped one in a packed supermarket, tesco I think, when I was severely hung over. It was absolutely rotten, even made me feel a bit sick.

The people in the vicinity walking past were saying that something must have gone off or one of the fridges had broken.

My (now ex) GF was so disgusted that she walked out and left me in the shop.

I was and still am strangely proud of it.
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Presumably you looked at her with a disgusted face as she walked off, thus visually passing on blame for the offence.
 
I had a big meeting with one of my German customers, a few years back. It involved dinner the night before, and a few Weissbiers with a couple of their senior engineers.
The meeting was in the posh “visitor centre” and the room was plush. I think it was me with my top engineer, with about six of them, including their head of R&D, who I’d never previously met.
After an hour or so of discussions, we broke for a recess, and I mingled for a minute or two before heading for the bathroom. Once at the urinal, the wheatgas left me in the loudest, longest, but honestly most musical trumpet I ever delivered. As I washed my hands, the cubicle door clicked, and out walked the R&D boss, who smiled and simply said, “besser?”. “Ja, danke”, I replied, and we returned to the boardroom. He signed the order, and we’ve been pals ever since
 
Primary school, assembly. Wooden floor, sat cross legged. Someone made me laugh. Absolute ripper, can still feel it now lifting me off my cheeks. Sent out by headmaster.

In his office later, he told me. “You know why you’re here. Now get out and don’t do it again”

He thought I’d fake raspberry’d it, blowing on my hand. Didn’t think it wise to protest my innocence
 
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