Dad Jokes - all welcome!

A guy walked into a bar with a monkey.

The monkey grabbed some olives off the bar and ate them.

Then he grabbed some sliced limes and ate them. He then jumped onto the pool table and grabbed one of the balls.

To everyone's amazement, he stuck it in his mouth and somehow swallowed it whole.

The bartender looked at the guy and said, "Did you see what your monkey just did?"

"No, what?"

"He just ate the cue ball off my pool table - whole!"

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy, "he eats everything in sight, don't worry, I'll pay for the cue ball."

The guy finished his drink, paid his bill, paid for the stuff the monkey ate and left.

Two weeks later the guy came back and had his monkey with him. He ordered a drink and the monkey started running around the bar.

The monkey found a cherry on the bar. He grabbed it, stuck it up his butt, pulled it out and then ate it.

Then the monkey found a peanut and again stuck it up his butt, pulled it out and ate it.

The bartender asked, "Did you see what that filthy ape just did?"

"No, what?" asked the man.

"Well, he stuck both a cherry and a peanut up his ass, then he pulled them out and ate them."

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy.

"He'll eat anything, but ever since he had to pass that cue ball, he measures everything first."
 
Went to the shop today and could not find an item on my list, I spotted an assistant and asked "Could you tell me where I can find the cereal?", he looked at me a little nonplussed, scratched his head and said "I'll see" and off he shot, I presumed to find it for me.

After a few minutes when he had not returned I thought "how rude" and began to search for it myself...I did find it eventually...it was in aisle C
 
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