Dad Jokes - all welcome!

Muttley

Well-known member
The US Marines, the SAS and the Metropolitan Police are on a team bonding and training exercise. On the first day the three teams are each allocated a small wooded copse and told to bring the examiner a rabbit, dead or alive.

First up are the Marine Corps, they secure positions of mutual support on the fringes of their wood and call in an air strike as the F18s thunder into the distance the Marines advance into what is left of the woods and emerge with a dead rabbit (well most of it).

Next up are the SAS, as night falls the troopers disappear into the woods, after a period of silence there is a dull pffft sound and a trooper emerges with a rabbit with a neat bullet hole precisely between its eyes and quite dead.

Last to go are the brave boys of the Met, they form a search line and advance into the woods, whistles sound and heavy boots can be heard running hither and thither along with cries of "come quietly chummy!" and finally "you're nicked sunshine!" Two officers return from the wood with a heavily bruised squirrel handcuffed between them. Before the examiner can speak one officer prods the prisoner with a truncheon and the squirrel says, "OK, I'm a rabbit and I done it guv"
 
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Borobuddah

Well-known member
Did you know that there are no canaries in the Canary Islands?

Same with the Virgin Islands, no canaries there either
 

festa5

Well-known member
Man walks into a pub in the middle of nowhere in Wales. All the locals go quiet and watch as he approaches the bar and orders a drink.

"So what do you do then?" asks the barman suspiciously.

"I'm a taxidermist" the man replies.

"A what?" says the barman.

"I stuff and mount dead animals" the man explains.

The barman looks up and addresses the rest of the pub. "It's alright lads. He's one of us".
 

Konrad_the_Barbarian

Well-known member
The doctor has requested that I provide a stool sample so I’ve enrolled on a basic woodworking course. He was a little concerned when I told him it’ll take a couple of months.
 
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