Dad Jokes - all welcome!

[TheBoroBuzzard]

I saw a bloke on the underground this morning teaching his dog to play the trumpet. They went from Barking to Tooting in about 40 minutes

 

[Northerner]

Sixteen sodium atoms walk into a bar followed by Batman.

How many of you then sung the song in your head while counting on your fingers to check there was actually 16?

 

[Holgatewall]

A fella was caught and taken to court for steeling a calendar.

He got twelve months.

 

[Laughing]

How many of you then sung the song in your head while counting on your fingers to check there was actually 16?

This joke went right over my head! Care to explain?

 

[A]

Sing the batman theme in your head, Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na, batman. Sodium is of course Na in the periodic table

 

[Laughing]

Sing the batman theme in your head, Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na, batman. Sodium is of course Na in the periodic table

Ah right got it - way to complex for me.

Oh oh, there are 10 kinds of people in the world those that understand binary and those that don't. Take that!

 

[SmallTown]

I just tried to change my windows password to “fortnight”

it was rejected for being too weak

 

[redcarbob]

I went to my local Chinese restaurant and asked for the specials; they gave me too much fu yung

 

[Carlos Fandango]

While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor,

"It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes."

He addressed the man,

"Can you name your wife's favorite flower?"



Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's Homepride, isn't it?

 

[Lightweight]

I went to a Eskimo restaurant the other day. I asked the waiter what was on the menu and he said whale meat, whale meat, whale meat or a Vera Lynn. I asked “what’s a Very Lynn”? He’s said it’s “whale meat again”

 

[HarryVegas]

Vera Lynn’s funeral will be held next week.


Don’t know where, don’t know when.

I won't be eating anything from the buffet at the 'do' afterwards.

Whale meat again.

 

[HarryVegas]

How did the cheesemonger paint his wife?

Double Gloucester

 

[Carlos Fandango]

I was waiting in the queue outside B&Q yesterday when a mate called and asked how big the queue was.

I said ‘the same size as the B’

 

[SmallTown]

Just been talking to a guy that said he didn't understand cloning.

I said "That makes two of us..."

 

[SalfordBoro]

Did you hear about the Dyslexic Zombie? He only eats Brian's

 

[HarryVegas]

How many sound engineers does it take to change a lightbulb?



Sorry mate, I don’t do lights

Truth!

 

[Carlos Fandango]

For something to do whilst in lockdown my wife suggested I make a bird table.
She's now totally p*ssed off with me as I only put her in seventh place.

 

[rkangel]

How many sound engineers does it take to change a lightbulb?



Sorry mate, I don’t do lights

Why do sound technicians only count "One, two. One, two."?

Because on "three" you're expected to lift.

 

[HarryVegas]

How many actors does it take to change a lightbulb?

20 - 1 to do it and 19 to cry "It should be me up there!"

 

[rkangel]

What do Gaffa Tape and The Force in "Star Wars" have in common?

They both have a dark side, a light side and hold the fabric of the universe together.