Ingleby_Flash
Well-known member
A lot of women complain that their husbands never listen to them. I’m proud to say I’ve never heard Mrs Flash say that 
Dad Jokes - all welcome!
- Thread starter FatCat
- Start date
SalfordBoro
Well-known member
I bought some lamb chops the other day, on the packet it said "reared in Wales" I thought to myself that's a bit of a racist stereotype
red_harrington
Well-known member
Dentist: Your teeth are badly stained. Do you smoke or drink coffee?
Patient: I drink it.
Patient: I drink it.
ThePrisoner
Well-known member
The_Unicorn
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Ingleby_Flash
Well-known member
Despite the high cost of living it remains popular 
Laughing
Well-known member
I think that is a line straight from house.Despite the high cost of living it remains popular
Ingleby_Flash
Well-known member
House?
Millbrook
Well-known member
Two Palestinian guys get on a plane
One sat in the window seat, the other in the middle seat. Just before take-off an Israeli guy got on and took the aisle seat next to the Palestinians. He kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes and was just settling in when the Palestinian in the window seat said, “I think I’ll go up and get a Coke.”
“No problem,” said the Israeli, “Stay there, I’ll get it for you.”
While he was gone, the Palestinian picked up the Israeli’s shoe and spat in it. When the Israeli returned with the Coke, the other Palestinian said,
“That looks good. I think I’ll have one too.”
Again, the Israeli obligingly went to fetch it, and while he was gone the Palestinian picked up the other shoe and spat in it too.
The Israeli returned with the coke, and they all sat back and enjoyed the short flight to New York. As the plane was landing the Israeli slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened.
“How long must this go on?” he asked. “This enmity between our people…this hatred…this animosity…this spitting in shoes and pi!!ing in cokes?”
One sat in the window seat, the other in the middle seat. Just before take-off an Israeli guy got on and took the aisle seat next to the Palestinians. He kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes and was just settling in when the Palestinian in the window seat said, “I think I’ll go up and get a Coke.”
“No problem,” said the Israeli, “Stay there, I’ll get it for you.”
While he was gone, the Palestinian picked up the Israeli’s shoe and spat in it. When the Israeli returned with the Coke, the other Palestinian said,
“That looks good. I think I’ll have one too.”
Again, the Israeli obligingly went to fetch it, and while he was gone the Palestinian picked up the other shoe and spat in it too.
The Israeli returned with the coke, and they all sat back and enjoyed the short flight to New York. As the plane was landing the Israeli slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened.
“How long must this go on?” he asked. “This enmity between our people…this hatred…this animosity…this spitting in shoes and pi!!ing in cokes?”
Scrote
Well-known member
I'm not sure how this is meant to be funny given what is going on in Gaza and Lebanon at the minute.
Norfolkred1
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Ingleby_Flash
Well-known member
Going to see a Scouse tribute band tonight.
Took That
Took That
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Ingleby_Flash
Well-known member
Saw 4 men carrying a coffin round and round the cemetery for ages.
Went past a couple of hours later and they were still wandering round with it.
I thought ‘they’ve lost the F***ing plot’
Went past a couple of hours later and they were still wandering round with it.
I thought ‘they’ve lost the F***ing plot’
ThePrisoner
Well-known member
Ingleby_Flash
Well-known member
Did he leave on the underground or overground?