My daughters eight and has a diagnosis about 2 years ago, shes incredibly bright but struggles with any change in routine, and has a lot of sensory issues. It took time to get a diagnosis, but its something you really need to do. When they came back with and confirmed she has ASD i found it really tough to take. It sounds daft but it felt like grieving, knowing its something that in many ways she will have to live with. My perspective has massively changed since then yes we have tough days and meltdowns, but she is a joyous bubbly child, the good out weighs the bad. One positive for you is it sounds like the school are on the ball. We had no end of problems with school, who basically wouldn't accept she needed additional support because she was well behaved and doing well academically, all the time she was masking her anxiety and distress at school and being just overwhelmed when she came home. Anything out of the ordinary like non-uniform days just up skittles her. We had a great teacher last year who would prep her for any changes but this years has been terrible the teacher is hopeless and shes had days where she has flat refused to go in. My advice would be get the diagnosis and support, learn to find her distress triggers and don't be too hard on yourself. I would also add that most girls age 9 have volatile friendships its just a maturity thing so i wouldn't worry about that too much.
I can echo this. My daughter is 5, we had her ASD confirmed 2 years ago. Hers mainly manifest as sensory and social miscues, she cannot go into any environment that is incredibly noisy, but if its quiet and the noise builds up, she is OK. She also is very particular about her toys, everything has to be in its place and WW3 erupts if it isn't. My wife and I found it difficult at first. We had her hearing tested as she didn't seem to respond to stimuli, but that was fine. Then over time, we realised her behaviour was a little different so we had her tested. She got a confirmed diagnosis just before she turned 4. Once you get the diagnosis, it can really help with funding and support for your child.
1. Disability support and blue badge.
2. Specific support from a trained professional who comes once a month to assess your child and provide advice on things to do to help development. Develops a development plan for the parents.
3. We both taught ourselves sign language as our daughter found it easier to communicate that way before she could speak, and she still uses it now to sometimes emphasise a point.
4. A trained teaching assistant who stays with your child through school that gives them a support person that they know and trust and can rely on.
5. Working with the school to ensure there are places designated quiet areas where children can go if they have sensory overload.
6. Autistic people don't like surprises. Planning and preparation go a long way to making lives easier on both sides.
We also both read this book 'Can you See Me by Libby Scott & Rebecca Westcott' which gives an insight in to how autistic people think and react to situations. Its really good for understanding a mindset.
Autism is a challenge. We are thankful ours is on the mild end of the spectrum, and even then, its challenging, but we wouldn't change her for the world. She's incredibly happy, a total prankster and she has so much empathy for other kids, it makes my heart ache when I see it. There is another boy in her class who is further on the spectrum and the kids are scared of him due to not understanding he is different. Our daughter seems to have connected with him, like minded souls I guess.