In order to inform my choices,
Ive listened to a million voices,
I took advice which I was given
for which I must now be forgiven,
”Play the field, and seeds-a-sow”
”A million times, and then you’ll know”
So off I went with nervous frown
to find a mate to settle down
i started in familiar places,
in bars and clubs I scoured faces
Some caught my eye and took me home
some turned me down, I left alone
over the years, I’ve courted plenty,
my short list now well under twenty
For the loving type, there’s ample Mary,
But I’ve never seen something so hairy,
There‘s Ingrid with those eyes of blue
But she didn’t want to try things new
There was Sophie, but her appetite,
meant zero sleep both day and night.
I nearly went for that Yorkshire lass,
but she produced the most repugnant gas
Polly, from Redcar, a bit dog-rough
I think she’d been petted more than enough
so it came to the process of narrowing down
who‘d bring my slippers and dressing gown
which girl, when apart from, I knew that I’d miss her
it came down to two, love, it’s you or your sister
The choice became easy, its you that I’ll wed
when your sister went off with big Alan instead
So now you might think that you’re just second best
but you’re not that bad looking, and I do like your chest.
