Helloooooo from the hozzy!
- Thread starter BlondzDCFC
- Start date
Hi Carmen,
Hope that you are home now and had some good sleep and rest.
That's wonderful to read the news that you have had an operation and that you're on the mend.
Its also wonderful for me, to read so many Boro fans responses to your plight and offered words of support and encouragement.
I remember when I was a child of six/ seven, my grandfather who was a union delegate at the local steelworks would come and pick
me and my sister up after school and we would walk the streets of Redcar and Warrenby to go knocking on peoples door for a collection
for some poor soul that had been injured at work or had become a widow/ widower.
These people didn't have much to give but they gave what they could, sometimes even a can of beans or spam. Others had nothing to
give and would hide their shame or tears by reaching down to me to touch my cheek. They could only offer words of comfort or encouragement
that was to be passed on to those in need.
After leaving the house, I would ask my grandad " why was she crying grandad ?". His reply wasn't much help at the time as he told me " you'll
understand one day son ".
I would ask the same question after we had left the house where we had dropped off the money and food.
It made no sense to me at all that the receivers were also crying after gaining so many goodies.
Once again, the answer was the same and I was left feeling eager to grow up so that I might get to understand.
I may have left the Boro many years ago but I will never forget some of those faces or the experiences of people willing to share and their
warmth and compassion towards others and it's this that makes me to be not only proud of my football team but also my people and my roots.
Hope that you recover very quickly and that soon you will start planning some of the " must do " things and start chalking them off.
Love and best wishes from Oz.
xxxoooxxx
Littlejimmy
Well-known member
I can relate to the frustrations of waiting in the hospital. I had to wait over 4 weeks in Norwich and Norfolk before getting transferred across to Papworth in Cambridge for my CABG surgery. There were often things said by nurses and doctors which didn't come to pass, and I had to do numerous scans and tests. They even lost my lung function test once, but found it again just before they were going to send me for another one. I was going loopy in there with no visitors allowed, and was driving the lovely FMTTM crowd mad with my whingeing. Then, a week after my surgery I was finally getting home and was waiting to be picked up by my dad who had driven over 3 hours to come for me, hoping I would get all the discharge letters and medications from the pharmacy on a very busy Friday afternoon. It all came together though, and I got home and am now well on the road to recovery (apart from catching Covid last week). All the best for your recovery, Carmen. Take it easy!
BlondzDCFC
Well-known member
Hi again everyone,
WARNING: THIS IS SUOER HUUUUUGE, biggest I’ve ever done, so apologies in advance folks.
I’m also sorry I’ve not had time to reply to every post and msg envelopes.
Suffice to say tho, I have really appreciated each one so very much.
Thankyou all so so very much.
I find that now I’m home trying to relax & recouperate that I’m re-reading all your msgs again, gleaning more advice from you all time, seeing how my progress is in relation to you, your friends’ and family’s experiences.
What and how I’m doing in comparison etc.
But also how you were feeling not only physically but emotionally too.
And that’s why I am so appreciative yous all having posted/sent them to me privately, they have been so very, and are indeed becoming so very, important to me.
Even tho some of them might not have been exactly the same heart/artery problem, quite a lot of them are and I’m finding your posts & envelope msgs more & more valuable as my days go on. So bless you all for all of them.
One of these days when I’ve got more energy, I will get round to replying to yous.
UPDATE:
Well, I finally came home last Wed, late evening.
From being told by Cardiologist I could be released later motning, it was flippin 8 hours later that I finally got my Dischsrge Letter & Pharmacy meds in my mits!
I was all chillaxed about all the waiting around tho, cos I’d really taken on board the final words said by my Cardiologist to me when he discharged me earlier, but also by loads of the nurses on my care during the last two days and immediately following up on the Cardiologist’s advice words earlier too.
Also the new Carmen had decided that I wasn’t gonna get wound up & all anxious just cos I so wanted to go home that day cos my release had already been delayed by one day as it was.
So as I said I’d already decided that I was not gonna tell my partner to come get me until I actually had my Discgarge Letter & Pharmacy Med physically in my hands.
Totally unlike the lady in the bed-space next to me who was slowly and increasingly losing her
head & the plot the more the day went on.
I couldn’t be doing with that, so every now & then when it was getting too much, I put my headphones on and drew my curtains round too.
But then I felt guilty that I wasn’t spending time with the other ladies, who were bed-bound due to be hooked up to intravenous drips & oxygen and therefore couldn’t move without having to call nurses or HCA’s for assistance.
They were admitted on the same day as me, so we’d really bonded and I felt awful for them not being able to do things or get things for themselves. I know I wouldn’t like being in the same position. And I’ve always remembered one of the things my late Mum always used to advised me to do - Treat other folk how you’d like to be treated yourself!
So that’s what I’ve always tried to do in my life and fortunately I wasn’t hooked to owt, I was still able to move round freely. Therefore, I was always jumping up out of my bed or chair as soon as I noticed they needed some help or they called me over saying they needed my help.
Ya know, just simple things like pouring their water from the wobbly jugs, finding the Nurse Call” button thingy that had been inextricably mislaid within their often tangled-up bed covers, picking up stuff they’d accidentally dropped, untangling the electric bed control jobby that quite frequently got weirdly tangled up like Xmas lights with their other wires coming out of the long electric board behind their beds, etc etc.
As a result of me helping these lovely ladies out, they’d started calling me Nurse Carmen!
(Cripes, this might give yous a lil giggle - when I was trying to type “Nurse Call” somehow it ended up on this screen as “Nude Nurse”.
Glad I noticed before hitting the send button.
But maybe you guys might’ve preferred if I’d not noticed the typo and that it had still appeared within my post like that eh?
Anyway I digress, so going back to the lady getting more & more wound up as each hour passed by on our same Discharge Day, I eas trying to avoid seeing & hearing her increasingly vitriol.
But I was then feeling guilty that I wasn’t spending time with the other ladies having loads of laughs like we did and being able to help them as Nuse Carmen still until I finally left.
So again, every now & then for longer periods, I’d re-open the curtains &take out my headphones, then I could still do stuff for and chat/laugh ya see.
Again, I’ve chuffin digressed a lot here too, sorreeeee. So now going back to Cardiologist’s final visit and his final departing words of advice to me as well……..
When he told me everything was all good with my exit ECG gel scans done the day before. That was a relief cos when the Radiologist performed it at my bedside the previous afternoon, he said he wasn’t sure he had gotten:
1) Sufficient no of images
2) The quality of images
that the Cardiologist had requested.
When I asked why, he said “Because of your breast reconstruction implant!”
I was rather surprised by that, cos I thought surely I’m not that unusual and that he’d come across cases like me before.
I mean a lady in the bed-space diagonal to me, had a double mastectomy 12 years ago and was in hozzy now cos of a heart problem and would therefore prob have the same type of scan as me.
So even tho I was surprised by his comment, the new chillaxed Carmen let it ride and I thought “whatever will be, will be and we’ll see what tomorrow brings, I’m sure that if he hasn’t gotten the correct images required, then surely there will be some other scan they can do for cases like moi”
Jeez, I’ve chuffin done it again - I’ve digressed yet again. Going back to my Cardiologist’s final visit & final words to me……..
When he told me my Exit ECG was good, my blood pressure had come back up nicely now from yesterday when it was consistently rather low for me. He also asked if I was in any pain, which I wasn’t and then asked me the magic words and indeed those words I’d been longing to hear each day since my Op on Monday, lol. He asked “So would you like to go home today?”
Oh my giddy aunt, I totally forgot myself & jumped up from my bed, pumped both fists in the air and very loudly said “Oh YES, YEESSSS please!”
He was a tad startled (I thought he’d actually become used to my boyant & happy personality by now, lol) by both my physical & verbal reaction! He immediately said “You really do need to calm down Carmen!”
Oooopsy! Thro pure happiness & relief I was so flippin pleased to be told I could finally go home, I temporarily forgot myself and my promise since finding out about my heart attack & subsequent Op:……..
I was advised by my Cardiologist, the Cardio Rehab lady, all my Nurses, my partner and all my friends - to either cut out completely OR do/have them in moderation from now on………
* No more fretting, worrying, stressing and getting anxious particularly about things I have no control over cos there’s no point
* No more doing any of the above in relation to my partner, friends & family, which I do tend to do cos I love them all so very much
* No more being naturally a tad OTT - I enjoy my life, my partner, family & friends so much that I’m maybe overly positive, very boyant and am invariably laughing my head orf very loudly.
I’ve been told my laugh is loud, infectious & funny itself. But I apparently I need to lower/calm this down
* No more or cut down on;
a) being so unpredictable
b) no more mad/slightly insane surprises
c)
* Cut down or cut out cholesterol related stuff like cheese, butter, salt, bacon, red meat, etc - ya know the kinda stuff
I’m lucky really that I like lots of different fish, veggies and I also drink tons of water anyway.
My biggest thing is cutting down/out is two of my faves, which are cheese & salt. But I know I’ve deffo got to cut right down on these two.
Also as yous can prob see and those of you who have met me personally, I’m not exactly the calmest of folk and if anything I think I’ve got more OTT loud, happy, laughing, positive personality since my third cancer diagnosis in 2009.
However, like I say, everyone from my Cardiologist to my Pussycat’s keeper have advised me to deffo be a calmer person from now on, hence the new terminology and name used by us all now is:
“Remember, everything in moderation Carmen” and also being called the “New Carmen” cos I’m trying to do as I’m told.
Listening & following advice given/what I’m being told to do is also a very common theme in the advice given by the majority of you fab FMTTMers too. Sooo am really trying to do all the above.
Being told what to do has never been easy for me, cos I like my independence, not being predictable, being a loud happy & positive person and generally doing what I want when I want too. Altho I am told that I am very good at taking my partner, family and friends into consideration in doing both what I want but also their wants/needs too.
I think the reason I’m also finding it all a tad more difficult to moderate/cut down or out stuff, is cos since my very first cancer diagnosis nearly 24 yrs ago in 1998, I’ve taken on board my late Mum’s traits like:
a) being determined to beat the hell out each cancer diagnosis’s
b) being so very extraordinarily positive
(Especially waaay back in late 60’s, early 70’s and then mid 80’s too. Cancer was mainly a taboo subject back then, often swept under the carpet, but no not my Mum - she talked openly about it to us daughters but also family, friends & neighbours. She tried to break down the barriers of cancer discussions.
c) having a tad quirky & mad character
(Didnt care what folk thought about this trait, she lapped it up. She used to wear different coloured wigs and different styles too - the brighter & wackier the better)
d) trying to enjoy every single minute of life, sometimes to the extreme - wasn’t afraid of anything or anyone.
(Even tho she knew people & kids would stare & make comments cos of her very crippled body and the lack of breasts too, she would still go swimming, cos she jolly well enjoyed it!
e) being rather loud & boisterous in quite a lot of aspects of her life (where I get my infectious laugh from)
f) generally didn’t conform to rules, oh no she deffo didn’t.
(If someone said she couldn’t or wouldn’t be able to do somert, she’d often do ut just to prove them wrong or just do it to prove to herself she could, or cos it genuinely would benefit her or loved ones to do somert)
g) was fiercely independent but still took her two daughters’ wants/needs on board too
(Goes without having to say anymore - just look at me for evidence, how I turned out etc etc)
h) was very brave & courageous as well
(Clearly evidenced by her extreme will and determined to live as long as she possibly could despite the pains & agony she endured over the years, again both physically & mentally)
Oh gawd, I could literally go on & on & on here!
My mum was brilliant, had so many amazing traits and is my total inspiration!
She still is now, even tho she very sadly passed when I was just 19 yrs old, my elder sister was 28 yrs old and had just had her first baby (obviously my Mum’s first grandson) and my Mum was only 58 yrs old.
To give yous a lil bit more of background info to my late Mum and be able to see why I aspire to be like her and admire her so much, is cos despite having to endure the 3 cancer diagnosis she was always so bloody marvellous!!
I’m sorry if this bores anyone, it’s just that I’ve started so I will go on!
Just 6 months after I was born and my sister was 9 yrs old, my Mum at only age 38 yrs old, got diagnosed very seriously & crippled very badly with rheumatoid arthritis. She was in hospital a long time and when she was allowed home, she was in a wheelchair and Doctors told her due to the severity of the arthritis, it was unlikely that she would ever walk again!
Wellllll, thro sheer gritted determination & positivity and to all the Doctors’ surprises, yes she did bloody well get out of that soddin wheelchair and yes she did walk again!!
Despite her miraculous ascension from the prison of her wheelchair, she obviously remained clearly crippled with arthritis and still endured a huge amount of pain for the rest of her life tho.
Yet again, despite her being visibly & painfully crippled, that she could have let it affect her both physically & mentally (cos some vile people could be so fcukin cruel) but again, she didn’t!
She again used her positive, quirky, mad, happy, brave & courageous traits to battle on thro the rest of her life.
And I’m so very glad she did, cos it meant that she was with me for waaaay longer than anyone ever anticipated, for which I am ever so very thankful for.
So you can prob all see, during those extra yrs she survived for, she was able to instill such great values in me and also, often unknowingly demonstrate her fabulous traits to me too, which I’ve always tried to adopt myself. Some more successfully than others, lol.
I forgot to put the below info further up in this msg, it should’ve been input after the crippled arthritis info. Sorry, can’t remember how to blinkin move it up there now.
Soooooo, here it is in the wrong place but hey:
Then my Mum got diagnosed with breast cancer when she was 41 & 44 yrs old before the horrible bowel cancer finally claimed her at 58.
I was just 3 & 6 yrs old at those times and my big sister was 12 & 15 yrs of age.
My brave Mum still battled on trying to beat that 3rd diagnosis too, but unfortunately that horrible bastid disease very sadly had my Mum firmly in it’s vile grasp!
So maybe you can see a lil bit why I want to be so like Mum and why I dunna like to conform, being told what to do, in fact all of the reasons/traits that were maybe classed as OTT back then too!
I really really don’t want to lose those/her traits.
Mainly because I firmly believe that, like they helped my Mum survive for longer, I also firmly believe they’re helping me to survive for longer too!
So hence my lack of wanting to conform or follow rules or do as I’m told or cease/cut down/cut out various traits of my exuberant personality, cos I don’t want any of those things to be a detriment to my survival or my life.
Yet at the same time, I know that I need to and want to improve certain areas of my life.
It’s just hitting that happy medium isn’t it?
My mind is kind of a bit blown by all this thinking mullarkey and obviously still blown away/in shock too I guess, with what happened to me 2 weeks ago now.
Anyone understand me and/or get where I’m coming from please??
With everything I’ve typed?
With my feelings about changing some things but also torn by wanting to retain lots of elements of both me and my darlin Mum??
Oooooh now then, to finish off what has become ‘a huuuumongous final day in hozzy update’ is now like ruddy War & Peace!
Sorreeeeee again folks.
Sooooooo, back to by the time I was actually released last Wednesday, I was starting to flag cos I’d eaten my tea there and was seriously considering getting undressed into my PJ’s & getting back into the bed again, a bed that I’d left 7 hours earlier.
But I resisted and after stopping at shops on way home, I finally got home at approx 8.30pm.
I was so pleased to see my partner and my pussycat who bless him hasn’t left my side since I got back. My cat that is, not my partner!
Finally you be pleased to know that’s it for now, it’s time for this part of my heart attack experience to end. Just the recovery & recouperation & the rest of my joyous life to get on with. With a few adjustments shall we say?!
Lots of love and genuine thankyous
From
Blondz/The New Carmen (trying to be)
x
THE END
WARNING: THIS IS SUOER HUUUUUGE, biggest I’ve ever done, so apologies in advance folks.
I’m also sorry I’ve not had time to reply to every post and msg envelopes.
Suffice to say tho, I have really appreciated each one so very much.
Thankyou all so so very much.
I find that now I’m home trying to relax & recouperate that I’m re-reading all your msgs again, gleaning more advice from you all time, seeing how my progress is in relation to you, your friends’ and family’s experiences.
What and how I’m doing in comparison etc.
But also how you were feeling not only physically but emotionally too.
And that’s why I am so appreciative yous all having posted/sent them to me privately, they have been so very, and are indeed becoming so very, important to me.
Even tho some of them might not have been exactly the same heart/artery problem, quite a lot of them are and I’m finding your posts & envelope msgs more & more valuable as my days go on. So bless you all for all of them.
One of these days when I’ve got more energy, I will get round to replying to yous.
UPDATE:
Well, I finally came home last Wed, late evening.
From being told by Cardiologist I could be released later motning, it was flippin 8 hours later that I finally got my Dischsrge Letter & Pharmacy meds in my mits!
I was all chillaxed about all the waiting around tho, cos I’d really taken on board the final words said by my Cardiologist to me when he discharged me earlier, but also by loads of the nurses on my care during the last two days and immediately following up on the Cardiologist’s advice words earlier too.
Also the new Carmen had decided that I wasn’t gonna get wound up & all anxious just cos I so wanted to go home that day cos my release had already been delayed by one day as it was.
So as I said I’d already decided that I was not gonna tell my partner to come get me until I actually had my Discgarge Letter & Pharmacy Med physically in my hands.
Totally unlike the lady in the bed-space next to me who was slowly and increasingly losing her
head & the plot the more the day went on.
I couldn’t be doing with that, so every now & then when it was getting too much, I put my headphones on and drew my curtains round too.
But then I felt guilty that I wasn’t spending time with the other ladies, who were bed-bound due to be hooked up to intravenous drips & oxygen and therefore couldn’t move without having to call nurses or HCA’s for assistance.
They were admitted on the same day as me, so we’d really bonded and I felt awful for them not being able to do things or get things for themselves. I know I wouldn’t like being in the same position. And I’ve always remembered one of the things my late Mum always used to advised me to do - Treat other folk how you’d like to be treated yourself!
So that’s what I’ve always tried to do in my life and fortunately I wasn’t hooked to owt, I was still able to move round freely. Therefore, I was always jumping up out of my bed or chair as soon as I noticed they needed some help or they called me over saying they needed my help.
Ya know, just simple things like pouring their water from the wobbly jugs, finding the Nurse Call” button thingy that had been inextricably mislaid within their often tangled-up bed covers, picking up stuff they’d accidentally dropped, untangling the electric bed control jobby that quite frequently got weirdly tangled up like Xmas lights with their other wires coming out of the long electric board behind their beds, etc etc.
As a result of me helping these lovely ladies out, they’d started calling me Nurse Carmen!
(Cripes, this might give yous a lil giggle - when I was trying to type “Nurse Call” somehow it ended up on this screen as “Nude Nurse”.
Glad I noticed before hitting the send button.
But maybe you guys might’ve preferred if I’d not noticed the typo and that it had still appeared within my post like that eh?
Anyway I digress, so going back to the lady getting more & more wound up as each hour passed by on our same Discharge Day, I eas trying to avoid seeing & hearing her increasingly vitriol.
But I was then feeling guilty that I wasn’t spending time with the other ladies having loads of laughs like we did and being able to help them as Nuse Carmen still until I finally left.
So again, every now & then for longer periods, I’d re-open the curtains &take out my headphones, then I could still do stuff for and chat/laugh ya see.
Again, I’ve chuffin digressed a lot here too, sorreeeee. So now going back to Cardiologist’s final visit and his final departing words of advice to me as well……..
When he told me everything was all good with my exit ECG gel scans done the day before. That was a relief cos when the Radiologist performed it at my bedside the previous afternoon, he said he wasn’t sure he had gotten:
1) Sufficient no of images
2) The quality of images
that the Cardiologist had requested.
When I asked why, he said “Because of your breast reconstruction implant!”
I was rather surprised by that, cos I thought surely I’m not that unusual and that he’d come across cases like me before.
I mean a lady in the bed-space diagonal to me, had a double mastectomy 12 years ago and was in hozzy now cos of a heart problem and would therefore prob have the same type of scan as me.
So even tho I was surprised by his comment, the new chillaxed Carmen let it ride and I thought “whatever will be, will be and we’ll see what tomorrow brings, I’m sure that if he hasn’t gotten the correct images required, then surely there will be some other scan they can do for cases like moi”
Jeez, I’ve chuffin done it again - I’ve digressed yet again. Going back to my Cardiologist’s final visit & final words to me……..
When he told me my Exit ECG was good, my blood pressure had come back up nicely now from yesterday when it was consistently rather low for me. He also asked if I was in any pain, which I wasn’t and then asked me the magic words and indeed those words I’d been longing to hear each day since my Op on Monday, lol. He asked “So would you like to go home today?”
Oh my giddy aunt, I totally forgot myself & jumped up from my bed, pumped both fists in the air and very loudly said “Oh YES, YEESSSS please!”
He was a tad startled (I thought he’d actually become used to my boyant & happy personality by now, lol) by both my physical & verbal reaction! He immediately said “You really do need to calm down Carmen!”
Oooopsy! Thro pure happiness & relief I was so flippin pleased to be told I could finally go home, I temporarily forgot myself and my promise since finding out about my heart attack & subsequent Op:……..
I was advised by my Cardiologist, the Cardio Rehab lady, all my Nurses, my partner and all my friends - to either cut out completely OR do/have them in moderation from now on………
* No more fretting, worrying, stressing and getting anxious particularly about things I have no control over cos there’s no point
* No more doing any of the above in relation to my partner, friends & family, which I do tend to do cos I love them all so very much
* No more being naturally a tad OTT - I enjoy my life, my partner, family & friends so much that I’m maybe overly positive, very boyant and am invariably laughing my head orf very loudly.
I’ve been told my laugh is loud, infectious & funny itself. But I apparently I need to lower/calm this down
* No more or cut down on;
a) being so unpredictable
b) no more mad/slightly insane surprises
c)
* Cut down or cut out cholesterol related stuff like cheese, butter, salt, bacon, red meat, etc - ya know the kinda stuff
I’m lucky really that I like lots of different fish, veggies and I also drink tons of water anyway.
My biggest thing is cutting down/out is two of my faves, which are cheese & salt. But I know I’ve deffo got to cut right down on these two.
Also as yous can prob see and those of you who have met me personally, I’m not exactly the calmest of folk and if anything I think I’ve got more OTT loud, happy, laughing, positive personality since my third cancer diagnosis in 2009.
However, like I say, everyone from my Cardiologist to my Pussycat’s keeper have advised me to deffo be a calmer person from now on, hence the new terminology and name used by us all now is:
“Remember, everything in moderation Carmen” and also being called the “New Carmen” cos I’m trying to do as I’m told.
Listening & following advice given/what I’m being told to do is also a very common theme in the advice given by the majority of you fab FMTTMers too. Sooo am really trying to do all the above.
Being told what to do has never been easy for me, cos I like my independence, not being predictable, being a loud happy & positive person and generally doing what I want when I want too. Altho I am told that I am very good at taking my partner, family and friends into consideration in doing both what I want but also their wants/needs too.
I think the reason I’m also finding it all a tad more difficult to moderate/cut down or out stuff, is cos since my very first cancer diagnosis nearly 24 yrs ago in 1998, I’ve taken on board my late Mum’s traits like:
a) being determined to beat the hell out each cancer diagnosis’s
b) being so very extraordinarily positive
(Especially waaay back in late 60’s, early 70’s and then mid 80’s too. Cancer was mainly a taboo subject back then, often swept under the carpet, but no not my Mum - she talked openly about it to us daughters but also family, friends & neighbours. She tried to break down the barriers of cancer discussions.
c) having a tad quirky & mad character
(Didnt care what folk thought about this trait, she lapped it up. She used to wear different coloured wigs and different styles too - the brighter & wackier the better)
d) trying to enjoy every single minute of life, sometimes to the extreme - wasn’t afraid of anything or anyone.
(Even tho she knew people & kids would stare & make comments cos of her very crippled body and the lack of breasts too, she would still go swimming, cos she jolly well enjoyed it!
e) being rather loud & boisterous in quite a lot of aspects of her life (where I get my infectious laugh from)
f) generally didn’t conform to rules, oh no she deffo didn’t.
(If someone said she couldn’t or wouldn’t be able to do somert, she’d often do ut just to prove them wrong or just do it to prove to herself she could, or cos it genuinely would benefit her or loved ones to do somert)
g) was fiercely independent but still took her two daughters’ wants/needs on board too
(Goes without having to say anymore - just look at me for evidence, how I turned out etc etc)
h) was very brave & courageous as well
(Clearly evidenced by her extreme will and determined to live as long as she possibly could despite the pains & agony she endured over the years, again both physically & mentally)
Oh gawd, I could literally go on & on & on here!
My mum was brilliant, had so many amazing traits and is my total inspiration!
She still is now, even tho she very sadly passed when I was just 19 yrs old, my elder sister was 28 yrs old and had just had her first baby (obviously my Mum’s first grandson) and my Mum was only 58 yrs old.
To give yous a lil bit more of background info to my late Mum and be able to see why I aspire to be like her and admire her so much, is cos despite having to endure the 3 cancer diagnosis she was always so bloody marvellous!!
I’m sorry if this bores anyone, it’s just that I’ve started so I will go on!
Just 6 months after I was born and my sister was 9 yrs old, my Mum at only age 38 yrs old, got diagnosed very seriously & crippled very badly with rheumatoid arthritis. She was in hospital a long time and when she was allowed home, she was in a wheelchair and Doctors told her due to the severity of the arthritis, it was unlikely that she would ever walk again!
Wellllll, thro sheer gritted determination & positivity and to all the Doctors’ surprises, yes she did bloody well get out of that soddin wheelchair and yes she did walk again!!
Despite her miraculous ascension from the prison of her wheelchair, she obviously remained clearly crippled with arthritis and still endured a huge amount of pain for the rest of her life tho.
Yet again, despite her being visibly & painfully crippled, that she could have let it affect her both physically & mentally (cos some vile people could be so fcukin cruel) but again, she didn’t!
She again used her positive, quirky, mad, happy, brave & courageous traits to battle on thro the rest of her life.
And I’m so very glad she did, cos it meant that she was with me for waaaay longer than anyone ever anticipated, for which I am ever so very thankful for.
So you can prob all see, during those extra yrs she survived for, she was able to instill such great values in me and also, often unknowingly demonstrate her fabulous traits to me too, which I’ve always tried to adopt myself. Some more successfully than others, lol.
I forgot to put the below info further up in this msg, it should’ve been input after the crippled arthritis info. Sorry, can’t remember how to blinkin move it up there now.
Soooooo, here it is in the wrong place but hey:
Then my Mum got diagnosed with breast cancer when she was 41 & 44 yrs old before the horrible bowel cancer finally claimed her at 58.
I was just 3 & 6 yrs old at those times and my big sister was 12 & 15 yrs of age.
My brave Mum still battled on trying to beat that 3rd diagnosis too, but unfortunately that horrible bastid disease very sadly had my Mum firmly in it’s vile grasp!
So maybe you can see a lil bit why I want to be so like Mum and why I dunna like to conform, being told what to do, in fact all of the reasons/traits that were maybe classed as OTT back then too!
I really really don’t want to lose those/her traits.
Mainly because I firmly believe that, like they helped my Mum survive for longer, I also firmly believe they’re helping me to survive for longer too!
So hence my lack of wanting to conform or follow rules or do as I’m told or cease/cut down/cut out various traits of my exuberant personality, cos I don’t want any of those things to be a detriment to my survival or my life.
Yet at the same time, I know that I need to and want to improve certain areas of my life.
It’s just hitting that happy medium isn’t it?
My mind is kind of a bit blown by all this thinking mullarkey and obviously still blown away/in shock too I guess, with what happened to me 2 weeks ago now.
Anyone understand me and/or get where I’m coming from please??
With everything I’ve typed?
With my feelings about changing some things but also torn by wanting to retain lots of elements of both me and my darlin Mum??
Oooooh now then, to finish off what has become ‘a huuuumongous final day in hozzy update’ is now like ruddy War & Peace!
Sorreeeeee again folks.
Sooooooo, back to by the time I was actually released last Wednesday, I was starting to flag cos I’d eaten my tea there and was seriously considering getting undressed into my PJ’s & getting back into the bed again, a bed that I’d left 7 hours earlier.
But I resisted and after stopping at shops on way home, I finally got home at approx 8.30pm.
I was so pleased to see my partner and my pussycat who bless him hasn’t left my side since I got back. My cat that is, not my partner!
Finally you be pleased to know that’s it for now, it’s time for this part of my heart attack experience to end. Just the recovery & recouperation & the rest of my joyous life to get on with. With a few adjustments shall we say?!
Lots of love and genuine thankyous
From
Blondz/The New Carmen (trying to be)
x
THE END
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BlondzDCFC
Well-known member
Given that Huuuuuuge update, I bet yous can’t wait for the next instalment can ya?!
About my recovery, recouperation and how I’m doing now update!
Sorreeeee, if yous switch off reading my looooong updates. I honestly don’t intend them to be. I can talk & talk for England in real life, and I’m afraid I post/type on here exactly like I talk in real life. I can’t seem to stop.
I do find that by posting/typing on here tho, that as well as updating you all on my progress, (which you’ve always tended to want to know),
I also find by me putting it all down out of my head into black & white on here, that it is very therapeutic for me as well.
Whereas if it all stays up there in my mixed up head, it can often just go round & round & round, getting me all dizzy and sometimes more confused, with not much sense being made of all that’s in there.
So that’s why I find it far better to verbalise things to my nearest & dearest but also on here too because of the great feedback and /or help & advice given. And like I say, it can be both cathartic & therapeutic to talk about stuff to personal peeps and also on here too.
I know I have my tropical fish for therapeutic reasons too, but they’re not any good at answering my questions on any subject whatsoever OR giving me help and/or advice that you guys are exceedingly good at doing.
Bully, Titch and the rest of ‘em just don’t do it for me!
All this talking/posting is part & parcel of my total recovery process I guess. Got to recover physically from my heart attack but also mentally, coming to grips with happened, why and how I’m going to adjust to live my bestest life.
Well that combined with the physical & mental (things) in relation to my terminal secondary breast cancer in my lungs & liver diagnosis.
(See cos I’ve been talking so much now, I’m even running out of words).
I could flaming yakk about my feelings/emotions on that subject for yonks, cos it’s an important but also not so important part of my life, the weird reasons for that, but you’ll be pleased to know I am tired now, so I won’t.
I wouldn’t anyway folks cos I think I really would blow my mind and all of yours’ in the process too!
So deffo time to go sleep again. I’m grabbing it when I do feel tired and sleepy. And that’s right now.
Oh hell, haven’t quite finished, last part now tho, honest…..,..
SO FINALLY:
I can’t thankyous all enough again, for always “being there” for me over the last 20-odd years I’ve been on here.
Thro all my flippin health probs, the possible fate of my beloved Rams, been so very generous when raising charity funds for CRUK way back - over £10k in the end - and a host of other mutual subjects discussed on here over the years.
Posters who are so knowledgeable, informative, genuinely caring & generous, helpful, honest, faithful etc, whilst still retaining such crackin senses of humour.
They are parts of the many reasons why I stuck around after my very first early days postings.
We were also having problems with our own website’s draconian admin who all of a sudden changed & stopped allowing non-footy posts anymore! Good grief!
So after coming over here initially for some pre-match banter, I found all of the above values and posts, and immediately thought it was a breath of fresh air & fun to be on.
And as you can prob imagine, no hard rules about posting footy or non-footy related posts - well I was in heaven and here I still am, 20 odd years later. You’re all stars in my eyes! (not in the singing way, yous know what I mean)
DEFFO DONE NOW
Thanks again FMTTMers.
Love
Blondz aka New Carmen
X
About my recovery, recouperation and how I’m doing now update!
Sorreeeee, if yous switch off reading my looooong updates. I honestly don’t intend them to be. I can talk & talk for England in real life, and I’m afraid I post/type on here exactly like I talk in real life. I can’t seem to stop.
I do find that by posting/typing on here tho, that as well as updating you all on my progress, (which you’ve always tended to want to know),
I also find by me putting it all down out of my head into black & white on here, that it is very therapeutic for me as well.
Whereas if it all stays up there in my mixed up head, it can often just go round & round & round, getting me all dizzy and sometimes more confused, with not much sense being made of all that’s in there.
So that’s why I find it far better to verbalise things to my nearest & dearest but also on here too because of the great feedback and /or help & advice given. And like I say, it can be both cathartic & therapeutic to talk about stuff to personal peeps and also on here too.
I know I have my tropical fish for therapeutic reasons too, but they’re not any good at answering my questions on any subject whatsoever OR giving me help and/or advice that you guys are exceedingly good at doing.
Bully, Titch and the rest of ‘em just don’t do it for me!
All this talking/posting is part & parcel of my total recovery process I guess. Got to recover physically from my heart attack but also mentally, coming to grips with happened, why and how I’m going to adjust to live my bestest life.
Well that combined with the physical & mental (things) in relation to my terminal secondary breast cancer in my lungs & liver diagnosis.
(See cos I’ve been talking so much now, I’m even running out of words).
I could flaming yakk about my feelings/emotions on that subject for yonks, cos it’s an important but also not so important part of my life, the weird reasons for that, but you’ll be pleased to know I am tired now, so I won’t.
I wouldn’t anyway folks cos I think I really would blow my mind and all of yours’ in the process too!
So deffo time to go sleep again. I’m grabbing it when I do feel tired and sleepy. And that’s right now.
Oh hell, haven’t quite finished, last part now tho, honest…..,..
SO FINALLY:
I can’t thankyous all enough again, for always “being there” for me over the last 20-odd years I’ve been on here.
Thro all my flippin health probs, the possible fate of my beloved Rams, been so very generous when raising charity funds for CRUK way back - over £10k in the end - and a host of other mutual subjects discussed on here over the years.
Posters who are so knowledgeable, informative, genuinely caring & generous, helpful, honest, faithful etc, whilst still retaining such crackin senses of humour.
They are parts of the many reasons why I stuck around after my very first early days postings.
We were also having problems with our own website’s draconian admin who all of a sudden changed & stopped allowing non-footy posts anymore! Good grief!
So after coming over here initially for some pre-match banter, I found all of the above values and posts, and immediately thought it was a breath of fresh air & fun to be on.
And as you can prob imagine, no hard rules about posting footy or non-footy related posts - well I was in heaven and here I still am, 20 odd years later. You’re all stars in my eyes! (not in the singing way, yous know what I mean)
DEFFO DONE NOW
Thanks again FMTTMers.
Love
Blondz aka New Carmen
X
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Awwww I'm glad to hear your home Blondz. Don't complain about the long posts....I've been confined to barracks since Sunday with covid (yeah after working all the way through....firstly when working in the shop and then with the pet owners due to being made redundant (still a sore point, not cos I liked the job but given only 6 weeks notice after 25yrs and knowing while we were putting ourselves at risk to keep customers happy they were planning this all along 
) it finally caught up with me due to one of the vets enjoying a weekend away with her old uni mates!!) It's nice to have something to do (bloody got new roof going on and scaffolding has knocked the sky signal out too!!).
I'm so glad to hear you're on the mend...yeah you'll need to calm it down a notch or too but don't go turning into a nun on us....you can be sensible and still be larger than life, its all about finding that balancing act.
Looking forward to the next update xx
but given only 6 weeks notice after 25yrs and knowing while we were putting ourselves at risk to keep customers happy they were planning this all along ) it finally caught up with me due to one of the vets enjoying a weekend away with her old uni mates!!) It's nice to have something to do (bloody got new roof going on and scaffolding has knocked the sky signal out too!!).I'm so glad to hear you're on the mend...yeah you'll need to calm it down a notch or too but don't go turning into a nun on us....you can be sensible and still be larger than life, its all about finding that balancing act.
Looking forward to the next update xx
