Dementia: Said goodbye...

r00fie1 said:
Been so rapid.
Y`day Mam sat in her chair in her care home and told sis "I just want to sit here and die".
She couldnt recognise anyone.
Physically she has also given up.
Had a heart attack day before the Reading game..
Decline mentally has been so rapid.
18 months ago we got her in a care home after a battle with Adult Social Care and Social Services..
Only our sis can see her because her home is in lock - down.
I got sent a photograph yesterday.
If I ring - she doesnt know who I am.
Dad went with the same thing in 2019.
Its much easier when its someone else`s relative you are nursing and caring for.
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So so sorry to hear that Roofie and to read everybody elses memories. Our mam died from this bloody awful disease 4 years ago, after suffering with it for over 10 years. It is like watching someone die day by day and when she eventually died whilst being obviously really upset it was and I hesitate to say this because it may sound callous, something of a relief. Here I am 4 years later, writing this with tears in my eyes feeling slightly ashamed of myself.
 
r00fie1 said:
Been so rapid.
Y`day Mam sat in her chair in her care home and told sis "I just want to sit here and die".
She couldnt recognise anyone.
Physically she has also given up.
Had a heart attack day before the Reading game..
Decline mentally has been so rapid.
18 months ago we got her in a care home after a battle with Adult Social Care and Social Services..
Only our sis can see her because her home is in lock - down.
I got sent a photograph yesterday.
If I ring - she doesnt know who I am.
Dad went with the same thing in 2019.
Its much easier when its someone else`s relative you are nursing and caring for.
Click to expand...
Roofie You should be able to see your mam. They cant blanket ban visitors anymore unless they have active cases in her wing of the home, they also have to lift restrictions as soon as these covid cases clear. The one family member rule was lifted months ago I know because I couldn't see my dad for six months. I found it incredibly tough prepping myself to see him after six months but felt so much better after seeing him.
 
gregorgregorovich said:
So so sorry to hear that Roofie and to read everybody elses memories. Our mam died from this bloody awful disease 4 years ago, after suffering with it for over 10 years. It is like watching someone die day by day and when she eventually died whilst being obviously really upset it was and I hesitate to say this because it may sound callous, something of a relief. Here I am 4 years later, writing this with tears in my eyes feeling slightly ashamed of myself.
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I know exactly what you mean - my mum says she wishes she was dead, and truth be told my & my brothers wish she was too - sounds a terrible thing to say, but it really would be best for all concerned. I had my dog put down this week - a great feeling knowing she won't have to suffer anymore, if only there was somehow an option for humans. what a week - thank god the bormuff v boro game was sooooooo exciting! o_O
 
My Mam got Vascular Dementia nearly eight years ago after a stroke. She has been in a Dementia Nursing Home for over 5 years.
She is blind, bed-ridden and double incontinent. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy, let alone the kind lady who brought me into the world.
Covid closures have been so cruel. Dad is Essential Care Giver and got access, but he is 85 and has now been diagnosed with Mixed Dementia himself at last. He has been going down hill rapidly since a bad fall in October 2020.
I am able to talk to Dad about what he does and doesn't want which is something.

Dementia is so cruel, it strips all dignity and leaves everyone feeling so helpless.
There is no remedy, no cure, just a suffocation of life in a horrible way and over an unpredictable timeline.

Dad and I have wished Mam to slip away quietly for over three years now. She used to plead with Dad to end it when she went into the home.
Dad is desperate not to end up in the same or similar place and I will do all I can do to prevent this.

One thing is clear, I will take action myself if I become aware that I am slipping into it. There is no way I will allow my lads to see me the way I am seeing my own parents slip away.
 
indeedido said:
One thing is clear, I will take action myself if I become aware that I am slipping into it. There is no way I will allow my lads to see me the way I am seeing my own parents slip away.
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I'm with you on that - I managed to persuade my mother to go into a care home when when she was getting really bad. Apart from anything else, she had macular degeneration and couldn't see properly - couldn't see that the home help was doing nothing. I hate to say it, but I felt a sense of relief when she was taken into North Tees and we knew she wouldn't be coming out again.
 
Glover_elbow said:
Roofie You should be able to see your mam. They cant blanket ban visitors anymore unless they have active cases in her wing of the home, they also have to lift restrictions as soon as these covid cases clear. The one family member rule was lifted months ago I know because I couldn't see my dad for six months. I found it incredibly tough prepping myself to see him after six months but felt so much better after seeing him.
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I agree blanket bans are not correct. If a home has a covid case it can close to visitors for 2 weeks. Anyone visiting a care hme has to test both visitors and staff on a daily basis. The chances of getting covid into a care home are remote, unless the testing is not working/not carried out.
 
Yep, my gran, who passed away in 2018. I was all she had in the UK as family, so I had power of attorney over her health and finances. I lived with her for a while, it was an 18 month process to get her diagnosed and line up everything to take her out for a day while we packed up her house to move her to a nursing home, and then convincing her that was where she lived.

Slow degradation into insanity, violence, child like behaviour, lack of bowel control, refusing to eat.

More times than I care to remember, just sat in the car park after visting her crying my eyes out. When she passed away, I saw her finally at peace for the first time in about 5 years.

Its an absolutely horrible thing and none of us know what that person is experiencing, it must be their own personal hell.

I'd rather end my life on my terms than go through that.
 
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Unfortunately my nanna died from it almost 2 years ago.
I fell out with my family for a while, but my one regret was I didn't pay my university rent and my nanna was my garontour, she all of a sudden was panicking that people were after her about money, and although I paid it back like 2 weeks over due I always thought I'd caused it. I didn't dare go see her at all so I missed the last 4/5 of her life through fear of what she thought of me. Turns out she asked about me a lot and never forgot me, I got to see her one last time at my older sisters wedding a year or so before she passed, she got cancer and passed within 2 weeks August 2020.

Unfortunately my other nanna is now showing early signs of the same disease, I won't be making the same mistake again
 
gregorgregorovich said:
So so sorry to hear that Roofie and to read everybody elses memories. Our mam died from this bloody awful disease 4 years ago, after suffering with it for over 10 years. It is like watching someone die day by day and when she eventually died whilst being obviously really upset it was and I hesitate to say this because it may sound callous, something of a relief. Here I am 4 years later, writing this with tears in my eyes feeling slightly ashamed of myself.
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(y)
 
Glover_elbow said:
Roofie You should be able to see your mam. They cant blanket ban visitors anymore unless they have active cases in her wing of the home, they also have to lift restrictions as soon as these covid cases clear. The one family member rule was lifted months ago I know because I couldn't see my dad for six months. I found it incredibly tough prepping myself to see him after six months but felt so much better after seeing him.
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I and a fellow British Legion member were allowed to see an RAF veteran of 102 a few months ago. We had to do Covid tests, masked, apron and gloves on. So I really cannot see why r00fie1 cannot see his Mam unless it's the care homes own policy.
 
Norfolkred1 said:
I and a fellow British Legion member were allowed to see an RAF veteran of 102 a few months ago. We had to do Covid tests, masked, apron and gloves on. So I really cannot see why r00fie1 cannot see his Mam unless it's the care homes own policy.
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Yes it is.
They lost a lot of residents since January.
I can understand them being cautious.
The staff are brilliant and have the patience of saints.
I could never stand palliative care during training - its like watching the person in a space ship just getting further and further away.
 
Yeah, agree with all above. There's been a few posts about this subject over the last few months. My mam has dementia and stomach cancer as well as other associated problems. My dad is chief carer and is so alien too him although he has adapted well. Doesn't just effect the individual themselves, but lots of others around them.
Chin up everyone
 
Rock Osborne said:
Yeah, agree with all above. There's been a few posts about this subject over the last few months. My mam has dementia and stomach cancer as well as other associated problems. My dad is chief carer and is so alien too him although he has adapted well. Doesn't just effect the individual themselves, but lots of others around them.
Chin up everyone
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TBF my Dad was against her going into the home, then she started getting violent and going walkabout at night. Eventually he accepted it and luckily she was in a home just a 5 minute walk away. The home was great and you could visit anytime except for meal times when it was like rounding up cats. Hearts of gold them care workers.
 
Boro in Devon said:
Respect to all of ou going through this.
Lost my dad to cancer 20 years ago and my mum to dementia 10 years ago.
It is a cruel disease, but please remember the better times that you shared with your loved ones.
The pain disipates eventually but memories last long.
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Yeah, losing my gran made me re-evaluate things. My Dad and I have never really been overly close, although we get on fine. Since she passed, I made more of an effort to get to know him better. I just don't know how much time we have left.
 
Norfolkred1 said:
TBF my Dad was against her going into the home, then she started getting violent and going walkabout at night. Eventually he accepted it and luckily she was in a home just a 5 minute walk away. The home was great and you could visit anytime except for meal times when it was like rounding up cats. Hearts of gold them care workers.
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I honestly don't know how the carers do it, day in and day out and a lot of them on minimum wage. Our mam was in Kirkley Lodge in Coulby Newham and they were outstanding in every way.
 
Morton94 said:
Unfortunately my nanna died from it almost 2 years ago.
I fell out with my family for a while, but my one regret was I didn't pay my university rent and my nanna was my garontour, she all of a sudden was panicking that people were after her about money, and although I paid it back like 2 weeks over due I always thought I'd caused it. I didn't dare go see her at all so I missed the last 4/5 of her life through fear of what she thought of me. Turns out she asked about me a lot and never forgot me, I got to see her one last time at my older sisters wedding a year or so before she passed, she got cancer and passed within 2 weeks August 2020.

Unfortunately my other nanna is now showing early signs of the same disease, I won't be making the same mistake again
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Such a sad story, has made me want to phone my mam, who is a sprightly 79, but the signs of old age have started in the last year or so, probably not helped by lockdown etc…My Gran died with this horrible disease over twenty years ago and it used to break my heart going to see her in the care home just existing rather than living. My only comfort was that she seemed ok in her own little world, much more distressing at the place before where she sort of knew what she should do but couldn’t.
 
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