Dad Jokes - all welcome!

[Norfolkred1]

 

[Theboss]

Did you hear about the two Spanish firemen? Jose A and Jose B?

 

[HarryVegas]

Reports are coming in of a man being shot with a starting pistol. Police have described the incident as race-related.

 

[Lefty]

I put my name down to sing at a karaoke last night.

When it came round to my turn the bloke running it asked "are you the one doing Neil Diamond?"

"I am.” I said.

 

[Bororeddaz]

I put my name down to sing at a karaoke last night.

When it came round to my turn the bloke running it asked "are you the one doing Neil Diamond?"

"I am.” I said.

I went back the next week and the bloke asked “nice to see you back, are you doing a Neil Diamond medley this week?”

“Hello again, I am” I said

 

[HarryVegas]

I was the first person to ever splat a quiche into the side of my own head. I guess you could call me a pie-in-ear.

 

[r00fie1]

 

[SNEEKERS]

Elton John's bought his pet rabbit a trend mill,people says it's a little fit bunny.

 

[swordtrombonefish]

A woman walked into a bar with a newt perched on her shoulder. The Bartender asked 'What's its name?'

'Tiny' replied the lady

'Why Tiny' Asked the bartender

'Because he's my newt'

 

[HarryVegas]

Many years ago I used to sing Christmas carols in a group whose members included Bing Crosby, Don Williams, Mary Hopkin and Lee Hazelwood. It was great, just Bing, Don, Mary, Lee & I.

 

[Norfolkred1]

Made my veggie mate a burger. He was over the moon when I told him it was plant based.
Yes mate, meat packing plant.

 

[Norfolkred1]

Mary had a little lamb
Its fleece was white as snow
But Mary loves a curry
That fleece is now a throw

 

[Lefty]

There was an old lady
who swallowed her sisters
I don't know why
she swallowed her sisters
Perhaps they're Russian.

 

[r00fie1]

 

[swordtrombonefish]

Watch out for the new Peekaboo Covid variant that has been discovered.
It's sending everyone to the ICU

 

[r00fie1]

I`l give em ******** eco-friendly!
Should`ve joined the Crabs!

 

[r00fie1]

Micro-muncher strikes in WO1 mess room!

 

[Carlos Fandango]

I was made up when I won 'Transvestite Of The Year'

 

[Laughing]

I was made up when I won 'Transvestite Of The Year'

Made me and the wife titter

 

[HarryVegas]

Certain people were mocking me for wearing mittens instead of gloves. Now I'm not pointing fingers ...