A thread about habits in the smallest room


Well-known member
Once in HMS Collingwood, a shore establishment in Fareham, I invited two oppos to a little after hours drinking. I made the mistake of falling asleep, so my 'friends' snapped the chain off the plug in my sink, used my sink as their lavvy and placed my door keys in the sink.
Next morning I had to fumble around in stone cold pittle to a. Get my keys, and b. remove the plug.
Pack of bastãrds. 🤣😉


Well-known member
I was very much of the manly stand, take aim, fire type of chap till I hit around early 40's and I hurt my ankles rather badly - the swelling was such that it was very painful standing for anything more than a few seconds...even for a wee, so I decided to sit and have been comfortable doing so ever since.

Strangely though I never do the number two out of the house unless it is about to become a marked and possibly filled underwear affair.

As for the use of toilet paper - there are 4 of us in the house - all now adults, wife and i share our en-suite, the offspring share the bathroom. The bog paper use seems to be that we use a roll in 10 days and they use a roll in 4-6 days...I have not done any detective work on this but it seems eitehr one or possibly both of the offspring have very 'messy' bits down below after doing the two.


Well-known member
I presume you meant that you have started sitting down.

And yes, it's possible after time to sit down for a number 1 without precipitating number 2 movement.
Yes indeed; edited. Thanks. Seems to get rid of a lot of wind I don’t know I have, too! Win win.

Boro in Devon

Well-known member
I will admit to struggling having a wee while standing. Beer gut stops me seeing what is happening down there. Ok in the pub urinals, but at home, sitting means I can get a chapter or two of my book. Also it is sometimes a bit of a lottery what will happen, I have had a few lumpy farts when sitting down.

Not sure about this wiping thing. If you wipe forward, where do you place your man parts. My trousers and pants are around my lower leg/ankles so I cant spread my legs too far apart. If you use the rear access method, doesnt work if your ass is a decent size. Standing allows me to review the tissue to see if further wiping is necessary.

I can echo this female trend with regard toilet paper. My kids would wrap them selves up like an egyptian mummy, sorted it by buying them cheap paper, while I kept the good stuff.

Has anyone had the trouble when need to go to a motorway service station, trying to use their thin toilet paper and ending up nearly sticking a finger up your bum. I reckon if you wait long enough you can hear Ooooppps coming from many cubicles.


Well-known member
If you stand with both hands behind your head and drape it over the side of the bowl you don’t make a mess.
Can’t sit down to pee, my weapon drapes into the water and it’s freezing.
Anyone else have these issues or just me?


Well-known member
I always sit and pee except in a wall urinal ...

I always use a bum gun after a poo ... use is sitting on the bog, lean forward and spray your asss

living on a very very remote homestead I try whenever possible to pee on my rose ( in the soil around the base the potasioum is great fro root formation)


Well-known member
Toilet etiquette in our household is kept at all times, boys stand up to pee, the seat is lifted first and any dribbles on the rim are cleaned and the seat replaced.

When dropping the kids off at the pool, a window is opened either prior to or after the event. I have always have been one of those people that have to be straight in and out and none of this reading magazine, book, etc.

In saying that, as an apprentice at Smith's Dock, South Bank, we still had the communal toilets with the drop and continuous running water, you didn't have to flush. On entry into the toilets, you soon learned that you always tried to get a trap up stream of the running water, as apprentices, we took delight in setting light to a newspaper, dropping down the system, and burning all the arses of the lazy gits reading the paper. 🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣

I've been chased around the yard by some angry boiler makers in my time who had 3rd degree burns to their @rse.


Well-known member
I have never in all my years even considered that some people wipe while standing up.

I'm at the age where nocturnal visits to pee are inevitable and these are sit downs. Day time ones vary.


Well-known member
This is turning into one of the all time great threads.👏👏👏

I too never considered standing up to wipe my bottom after a poo. I didn’t even know it was a thing….

I always do a sit down wee during the night; I don’t switch the light on, so it’s easier to simply sit. I’m also very short sighted so I reckon more would go on the floor than in the bowl. I once did end up in the wardrobe when drunk once due to not switching the light on, but thankfully didn’t empty my bladder. Or bowels.

Talking of emptying bowels, I was once in Guisborough woods walking the dog, and realised that I wasn’t going to make it home without, ahem, soiling myself. Long story short, I was glad of my roll of poo bags attached to the dog’s lead. 😳


Well-known member
Anyone who knows or reads my posts on this board will know that I am a greedy git who will have a go at anything just to save a few bob.

A few years back, I had the path up out of the back of the house and added a new drain in an area where water had been gathering. I had all the pipes in place barring the elbow and was ready to break into the main waste chamber to add the new pipe.

My youngest son had been out with his then new girlfriend and she had spent the night at our house. I shouted upstairs if they had all finished in the bathroom and that I was opening the chamber. I got a reply that they had both been showered, etc. and I was good to ahead.

I broke into the chamber and was cleaning a bit of dirt from around the opening when I heard the toilet flush and was greeted by the new girlfriend's body movements which spilled into my perfectly dug trench, gravel, etc. I walked into the kitchen where my son and wife were sitting and said she's a keeper. :oops:🤣🤣

They have their wedding coming up soon and I have told her I am going to use that in my speech. ;)
Last edited:

Brian Marwood

Well-known member
When I started dating my Asian wife she was horrified to learn that I wiped my bum with toilet paper after a poo and insisted that when we moved in together we install a douche in each of our bathrooms. I was reluctant but when I tried using it, it was a revelation. Now I hate having a poo and having to use toilet roll when away from home as it seems so unhygienic and disgusting.