Brian Marwood
Well-known member
Happened to me when I was 19, completely heartbroken. 30 years later I saw her on Facebook and what a torrid mess she is now, definitely hasn't aged well like a fine wine.
Love will always break your heart at one time or another, the price you pay for the highs it brings are the lows you suffer when it leaves.
The irrational nature of love means we struggle to perspectivise and process what happens next, wanting not to want someone doesn't make it so, your feelings are still the same you've given the keys to your heart to someone and found they've changed the locks when you weren't looking and through the distorted prism that heartbreak brings to your world you will make mistakes; rebound, self protection, insularity, everything matters more than it should as you look for the reasons why. You change; brave faced and broken, shame faced and brazen, you become contradictory and complicated, discombobulated and head spun, your trust shredded, your confidence debased, all the well meaning words and sound advice of the close ignored and resented as you pedestalise a love that is always different and always special, you grapple with how something that felt so right for you felt so wrong for them. It's horrible, death has a definite end, no awkward bumps into, no mutual friends to split, no inadvertent updates or overheard gossip.
One day, out of the blue, things change, it could be days, it could be years, but it always happens, then you become embarrassed at your self absorbance, observe your folly with disdain and rue the chances you passed by, the moments wasted trying to prove them wrong instead of those who never lost faith or found the grass greener right.
I speak from experience, I let go too late and didn't move on without looking back for too long, it damaged my relationships and changed me into someone I wasn't for a while, the advice of clean breaks and new starts is the best on offer, tell him that to bring himself closure and that sometimes rights and wrongs don't exist, just differences, tell him about kintsugi; the Jaspanese art of repairing pottery with gold, and their belief that every time your broken the healing makes you more valuable and precious.
He will be ok, it might take a while and at times his myopia might be infuriating but whatever patience, care and kindness you show he'll never forget and always appreciate it.
And we all know that in five, ten or twenty years time he’ll be grateful she did. You don’t need ties when you’re off to uniAll eats you up, really, doesn’t it?
my poor lad has just been dumped by his “forever” girl, just as they ship off to Uni. He’s found out she’s not Quite as devoted to him as he was to her. Horrible for an 18yo in love.
life‘s hard knocks can really eat you up, if you don’t let them go, and flip the offenders the bird as you move on to greener pastures with your new shining armour of knowledge in place.
Let ’em go,
And those are the kind of stories that he needs to be told.I did the dumping at around the same age, I had just joined up and it was a constant 'when are you coming home' I thought no, not having it. years later found out she ahs been married 3 times, I could have been a victim.
Same, dumped at 16, spent the following years up until I was 20 been a daft b****d always on the pull every weekend till I met the now wife. We even stayed together whilst she went to Leeds Uni. 12 years together, married for 5. I'm a lucky man.Happend to me. Broke my heart at the time. Went a bit bonkers getting fixed up all the time. Then I met the woman who would become my wife and we married. Been together for 38 blissful years.
All eats you up, really, doesn’t it?
my poor lad has just been dumped by his “forever” girl, just as they ship off to Uni. He’s found out she’s not Quite as devoted to him as he was to her. Horrible for an 18yo in love.
life‘s hard knocks can really eat you up, if you don’t let them go, and flip the offenders the bird as you move on to greener pastures with your new shining armour of knowledge in place.
Let ’em go,
"Observe your own folly with disdain..." what a fab line that is Mary...Love will always break your heart at one time or another, the price you pay for the highs it brings are the lows you suffer when it leaves.
The irrational nature of love means we struggle to perspectivise and process what happens next, wanting not to want someone doesn't make it so, your feelings are still the same you've given the keys to your heart to someone and found they've changed the locks when you weren't looking and through the distorted prism that heartbreak brings to your world you will make mistakes; rebound, self protection, insularity, everything matters more than it should as you look for the reasons why. You change; brave faced and broken, shame faced and brazen, you become contradictory and complicated, discombobulated and head spun, your trust shredded, your confidence debased, all the well meaning words and sound advice of the close ignored and resented as you pedestalise a love that is always different and always special, you grapple with how something that felt so right for you felt so wrong for them. It's horrible, death has a definite end, no awkward bumps into, no mutual friends to split, no inadvertent updates or overheard gossip.
One day, out of the blue, things change, it could be days, it could be years, but it always happens, then you become embarrassed at your self absorbance, observe your folly with disdain and rue the chances you passed by, the moments wasted trying to prove them wrong instead of those who never lost faith or found the grass greener right.
I speak from experience, I let go too late and didn't move on without looking back for too long, it damaged my relationships and changed me into someone I wasn't for a while, the advice of clean breaks and new starts is the best on offer, tell him that to bring himself closure and that sometimes rights and wrongs don't exist, just differences, tell him about kintsugi; the Japanese art of repairing pottery with gold, and their belief that every time your broken the healing makes you more valuable and precious.
He will be ok, it might take a while and at times his myopia might be infuriating but whatever patience, care and kindness you show he'll never forget and will always appreciate.
That is a stunning piece of awareness. Thank you A-M.Love will always break your heart at one time or another, the price you pay for the highs it brings are the lows you suffer when it leaves.
The irrational nature of love means we struggle to perspectivise and process what happens next, wanting not to want someone doesn't make it so, your feelings are still the same you've given the keys to your heart to someone and found they've changed the locks when you weren't looking and through the distorted prism that heartbreak brings to your world you will make mistakes; rebound, self protection, insularity, everything matters more than it should as you look for the reasons why. You change; brave faced and broken, shame faced and brazen, you become contradictory and complicated, discombobulated and head spun, your trust shredded, your confidence debased, all the well meaning words and sound advice of the close ignored and resented as you pedestalise a love that is always different and always special, you grapple with how something that felt so right for you felt so wrong for them. It's horrible, death has a definite end, no awkward bumps into, no mutual friends to split, no inadvertent updates or overheard gossip.
One day, out of the blue, things change, it could be days, it could be years, but it always happens, then you become embarrassed at your self absorbance, observe your folly with disdain and rue the chances you passed by, the moments wasted trying to prove them wrong instead of those who never lost faith or found the grass greener right.
I speak from experience, I let go too late and didn't move on without looking back for too long, it damaged my relationships and changed me into someone I wasn't for a while, the advice of clean breaks and new starts is the best on offer, tell him that to bring himself closure and that sometimes rights and wrongs don't exist, just differences, tell him about kintsugi; the Japanese art of repairing pottery with gold, and their belief that every time your broken the healing makes you more valuable and precious.
He will be ok, it might take a while and at times his myopia might be infuriating but whatever patience, care and kindness you show he'll never forget and will always appreciate.
Thank you!Give him a cuddle from me mate @Borotommo. He may be hurting now and probably will for a while, but at least he's been aware in good time that he's free to find a girl that is equally committed to him.
My thoughts entirelyPure poetry, though not in verse.
Firstly, he's 18 now?!?!?!?! Wow!All eats you up, really, doesn’t it?
my poor lad has just been dumped by his “forever” girl, just as they ship off to Uni. He’s found out she’s not Quite as devoted to him as he was to her. Horrible for an 18yo in love.
life‘s hard knocks can really eat you up, if you don’t let them go, and flip the offenders the bird as you move on to greener pastures with your new shining armour of knowledge in place.
Let ’em go,
The irrational nature of love means we struggle to perspectivise and process what happens next, wanting not to want someone doesn't make it so, your feelings are still the same you've given the keys to your heart to someone and found they've changed the locks when you weren't looking and through the distorted prism that heartbreak brings to your world you will make mistakes; rebound, self protection, insularity, everything matters more than it should as you look for the reasons why. You change; brave faced and broken, shame faced and brazen, you become contradictory and complicated, discombobulated and head spun, your trust shredded, your confidence debased, all the well meaning words and sound advice of the close ignored and resented as you pedestalise a love that is always different and always special, you grapple with how something that felt so right for you felt so wrong for them. It's horrible, death has a definite end, no awkward bumps into, no mutual friends to split, no inadvertent updates or overheard gossip.
One day, out of the blue, things change, it could be days, it could be years, but it always happens, then you become embarrassed at your self absorbance, observe your folly with disdain and rue the chances you passed by, the moments wasted trying to prove them wrong instead of those who never lost faith or found the grass greener right.
I speak from experience, I let go too late and didn't move on without looking back for too long, it damaged my relationships and changed me into someone I wasn't for a while, the advice of clean breaks and new starts is the best on offer, tell him that he needs to bring himself closure and that sometimes rights and wrongs don't exist, just differences, tell him about kintsugi; the Japanese art of repairing pottery with gold, and their belief that every time you’re broken the healing makes you more valuable and precious.
He will be ok, it might take a while and at times his myopia might be infuriating but whatever patience, care and kindness you show he'll never forget and will always appreciate.
Pure poetry, though not in verse.
Far too kind but thank youMy thoughts entirely
Thank you, I was working as a freelance journalist when the events above occurred, I thought reinvention, including a career change, was a good idea at the time, journalism's gain was engineering's loss, more recently I had started to do more, in no small part due to the positive comments and encouragement from people on here, it was mainly travel stuff so pandemic has impacted that but certainly would like to do more as it's a genuine love, I think it's that passion, rather than any real talent, that maybe makes it different."Observe your own folly with disdain..." what a fab line that is Mary...
Thought provoking post.
Have to say you stand out on here as a 1st class contributor...are you involved in the written word as an occupation?
Thank you BT, I'm glad he seems to be throwing himself into Uni life and trying to move forward, letting go of someone you love doesn't free them but it does free you and a life well lived is the best response to any break up.That is a stunning piece of awareness. Thank you A-M.
I just got a video off him from last night’s “neon” party, and looks like he’s having a blast.
thanks to all of you for your caring thoughts. It helps me to help him to know he’s not the first and won’t be the last
Fair point, Scrug, kintsugi isn't a subject that should be broached at emotional moments without first making sure all breakables are out of reach, especially those with far eastern motifs.Beautiful stuff - however, if I had suffered a heartbreak at 18 and somebody started chatting to me about Kintsugi I’d have smashed a lamp over their head. He may be a better man than I however.