What's the worse job you've ever had?

B

bumface

Well-known member
I don't start threads very often but I was thinking about this today and I'd be interested to hear about other FMTTM members experiences. I've mentioned my student job in a campus bookshop on here before and how awful it was. But I think that it was the direct sales door knocking job that I had in the holidays between sixth form and going to Uni that was the worst one for me. Spending ten hours a day in unfamiliar parts of Teesside knocking on strangers doors and trying to sell them worthless crap. You got paid a tenner a day basic and the rest was commission on the stuff that you sold. I was pretty good at it because I'm good at bullsh*tting people but I really hated doing it. And I hated having to look smart and wear a tie every day too. And you had to sing the company song every morning at the staff meeting and pretend to be be all enthusiastic. The whole thing was just a pyramid scheme and an absolute nightmare. It was horrific. NSFW Derek and Clive video attached:

 
Definitely Eastwood’s chicken factory in Stokesley - an experience I think I share with Bob Mortimer. Mine was nowhere near as gruesome as Bob’s but I started by having to inject each corpse with preservative as they passed at face height on a conveyer belt. The chicken breasts doubled in size from this.

After a while I was moved to the end of the conveyor belt and had to remove the injected chickens and place them in big plastic bins. Unfortunately, the chickens came faster than I took them off, and so many of them ended up going round again, like suitcases on an airport carousel. I was branded a failure and taken off that job and put back on injecting. I didn’t stay more than a couple of days.
 
Red_is_best said:
Definitely Eastwood’s chicken factory in Stokesley - an experience I think I share with Bob Mortimer. Mine was nowhere near as gruesome as Bob’s but I started by having to inject each corpse with preservative as they passed at face height on a conveyer belt. The chicken breasts doubled in size from this.

After a while I was moved to the end of the conveyor belt and had to remove the injected chickens and place them in big plastic bins. Unfortunately, the chickens came faster than I took them off, and so many of them ended up going round again, like suitcases on an airport carousel. I was branded a failure and taken off that job and put back on injecting. I didn’t stay more than a couple of days.
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I feel bad about liking your post because that's sounds like a nightmare of a job and I'm glad that you had the good sense to quit after a couple of days. I hit the like button just because you replied but obviously I don't 'like' that you had to go through that awful experience. I couldn't have handled doing that mate. Not for any amount of money.
 
bumface said:
I don't start threads very often but I was thinking about this today and I'd be interested to hear about other FMTTM members experiences. I've mentioned my student job in a campus bookshop on here before and how awful it was. But I think that it was the direct sales door knocking job that I had in the holidays between sixth form and going to Uni that was the worst one for me. Spending ten hours a day in unfamiliar parts of Teesside knocking on strangers doors and trying to sell them worthless crap. You got paid a tenner a day basic and the rest was commission on the stuff that you sold. I was pretty good at it because I'm good at bullsh*tting people but I really hated doing it. And I hated having to look smart and wear a tie every day too. And you had to sing the company song every morning at the staff meeting and pretend to be be all enthusiastic. The whole thing was just a pyramid scheme and an absolute nightmare. It was horrific. NSFW Derek and Clive video attached:

Click to expand...
Your bumface didn’t put householders off…?
 
bumface said:
I feel bad about liking your post because that's sounds like a nightmare of a job and I'm glad that you had the good sense to quit after a couple of days. I hit the like button just because you replied but obviously I don't 'like' that you had to go through that awful experience. I couldn't have handled doing that mate. Not for any amount of money.
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Thank you for your concern, my friend. I think I survived un-scarred and can’t believe how much supermarket chicken I eat these days after that!

I left that job to be a joiner’s labourer on the renovation of the Brambles Farm estates. Great job. Well, except for jemmying down outside toilets - above head height cisterns. Guess where all the water went?

Student life, eh!
 
El Guapo said:
Your bumface didn’t put householders off…?
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Illusion spells mate. My people can temporarily alter our appearance if we need to. I sold a load of rubbish stuff to one bloke just because he was lonely and he was wearing a Smiths t-shirt so that was my way in. He invited me in for a beer and spent a fortune on crap while we were just talking about our favourite Smiths songs. I can sell anyone anything mate. I can talk people in to submission. People will part with their money just to get me off the phone. Bullsh*t is my trade and I'm good at it.
 
Stood at a conveyor belt of cabbages, which I had to trim and put into plastic bags. Paid per bag. Cold, boring, badly paid and you had to work at 100mph to even make it worthwhile showing up.
 
Cleaning the Rothmans cigarette factory in Darlington during shutdown.
They gave me a feather duster and a very basic face mask....We had to climb up the machines and knock all the tobacco dust off.
The only instructions I had was to start at the top and work down.
Lasted 5 days 👍
 
Nobby_Barnes said:
Cleaning the Rothmans cigarette factory in Darlington during shutdown.
They gave me a feather duster and a very basic face mask....We had to climb up the machines and knock all the tobacco dust off.
The only instructions I had was to start at the top and work down.
Lasted 5 days 👍
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That doesn't sound too bad to me Nobby. I'd have just collected up all of the tobacco and used it to make free cigs. I had two part time jobs on the go when I was a student. There was the one in the bookshop and I was working nights in a petrol station too. It was alright really because I was only timetabled in at Uni for about five hours a week and the degree that I was doing involved a lot of reading and I could do that at work in the garage and get paid for it. The night time economy is pretty eye opening. You meet some interesting and scary people. I knew all of the drug dealers and the taxi drivers (who were often the same people) and the sex workers too. And that was in a rough part of Manchester and I had an open door policy. I wasn't going to run up and down the shop and use the hatch. If they wanted something they had to come in and get it themselves. And they only tried to rob me once. I refused to take it seriously. Bloke was waving a knife at me and demanding the money from the till and I just laughed at him and told him to behave himself. He got more and more frustrated and then he just left. There was hardly anything in the till anyway. You had to put most of the money down a chute that went in to the safe every time you had more than a hundred quid in the till. We weren't worth robbing. And you were on camera too. Bloke was an idiot.
 
Did a market research job for a few weeks. Involved knocking on peoples doors and asking about what benefits they were on. Was about £12 an hour back in 1999 but was in some of the roughest areas so felt like danger money 💀
 
I guess at the time the wage was relative yet looking back in the 80s £3 a week for a paper round was slave labour lol.

I also worked Saturday and Sunday for 8hrs a day for £10 for both days at a garden centre. I got sacked for not turning up when we beat Newcastle 4-1 in the relegation final day. It was worth it for Bairds stunner 👍
 
WORST*

Another foolish yet common mistake like people who suddenly think "biased" is bias, drawer is draw, lose is loose etc. All just signs that people no longer read books and society is going to hell in a hand-cart because the art of expressing yourself correctly is inextricably linked with thinking correctly

TLDR: Bum for a face, doesn't understand the difference between worse and worst :ROFLMAO:
 
BoroBukowski said:
WORST*

Another foolish yet common mistake like people who suddenly think "biased" is bias, drawer is draw, lose is loose etc. All just signs that people no longer read books and society is going to hell in a hand-cart because the art of expressing yourself correctly is inextricably linked with thinking correctly

TLDR: Bum for a face, doesn't understand the difference between worse and worst :ROFLMAO:
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"of" instead of "have" following "would". My head asplode!
 
When I worked at Smith Dock, I got transferred to Birkenhead to work on an oil rig. The work itself wasn't a bad job but Camell Laird's shared their drainage system with the local slaughterhouse and every Wednesday the smell of rotten congealed blood was everywhere and made me bad. I was supposed to be there for six weeks but it got to the Tuesday of my third week and I couldn't handle the thought of going in the next day. I packed my bags, telephoned the HR and went back to the Dock.

Don't you just love the board's grammar police? ;)
 
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Broad Bean Stretcher. Broad beans are naturally spherical. To get their distinctive shape they had to be hand stretched by a dedicated team of professionals such as myself. My fingers and balls were always stinging by the end of a shift.
 
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