When Women Abuse Men/My Wife, My Abuser

[Priv]

I'm really sorry to read that you had to deal with this kind of thing too. It really is more common than people think. I've still got the scar on my forehead from where she threw a glass ashtray at me and nearly took my eye out. She was an ultra-possessive, paranoid lunatic and she always thought that I was cheating on her or flirting with her friends. Always sweetness and light on a night out until we got home and then that's when it started. I got very good at disarming someone who's coming at you with a kitchen knife though so it did teach me at least one useful skill.

I nearly stayed away from the thread myself was just going to leave it at its more prevalent than people realise. The Ruthsayers response was what made me go into some detail about what I went through. It reminded me how difficult it was at the time and how trapped I felt. Figured if someone was going through something similar and reading the thread it’s better for them to know others have got through it and found a better place. I was lucky enough to break free but it was purely down to an exceptional set of circumstances that came about allowing me an exit. If that hadn’t come about I probably wouldn’t be here to type this reply. I was too ashamed of myself to ask for help. I wouldn’t want anyone else to feel like that.

 

[bumface]

I nearly stayed away from the thread myself was just going to leave it at its more prevalent than people realise. The Ruthsayers response was what made me go into some detail about what I went through. It reminded me how difficult it was at the time and how trapped I felt. Figured if someone was going through something similar and reading the thread it’s better for them to know others have got through it and found a better place. I was lucky enough to break free but it was purely down to an exceptional set of circumstances that came about allowing me an exit. If that hadn’t come about I probably wouldn’t be here to type this reply. I was too ashamed of myself to ask for help. I wouldn’t want anyone else to feel like that.

I understand completely mate. I don't want to go into too much detail but one of the reasons I stayed with her for so long was because she was a married woman when we got together. I'd broken up someone else's marriage so when the violence began it felt like one of those 'made your bed and now you have to lie in it' situations. I thought I was being punished. I couldn't have talked to any of my male friends about it back then and it only ever happened behind closed so nobody knew about it. She still pops up in my nightmares even after all these decades have gone by.

 

[Sergio]

And 2 women per week are killed by their male partners.

Happy Fathers Day to all the mothers out there

 

[HarryVegas]

Aye, been there myself too. Mostly mental torture and abuse but pretty severe stuff - constant false accusations, screaming vile abuse (often in public), basically any insults she could think of to scream that she thought might hurt. Put up with it for years until I got ill. I had a stroke under the stress with the result that I am now on pills for the rest of my life, whereupon she came to the hospital (I'd had the stroke while staying at a local b&b to escape the regular abuse and thought I'd better text her while waiting for an ambulance in case I collapsed and died, unidentified). She came into the ward and sat glaring at me, utterly furious and then accused me of putting it all on for pity - "Oh this is all very handy for you, isn't it! Well what about me!!" Years ago now but I can still see her face oozing pure hatred.

Eventually after physically recovering, her family urged me to leave her and said it was a lifelong pattern of behaviour for her (I didn't know this - she'd told me they all hated me and were on her 'side'). They warned me that she'd end up killing me if I stayed.

You stay because you think it's your fault and are determined to somehow make it work. This of course is nonsense but when you're in the middle of a storm you can't see a way out.

I've been very happily remarried for a number of years now but she still visits my dreams. In fact she was here last night, kicking off in public with the same old threats and lies. This stuff never really leaves you but you can get out, rebuild and be happy again.

 

[bumface]

Aye, been there myself too. Mostly mental torture and abuse but pretty severe stuff - constant false accusations, screaming vile abuse (often in public), basically any insults she could think of to scream that she thought might hurt. Put up with it for years until I got ill. I had a stroke under the stress with the result that I am now on pills for the rest of my life, whereupon she came to the hospital (I'd had the stroke while staying at a local b&b to escape the regular abuse and thought I'd better text her while waiting for an ambulance in case I collapsed and died, unidentified). She came into the ward and sat glaring at me, utterly furious and then accused me of putting it all on for pity - "Oh this is all very handy for you, isn't it! Well what about me!!" Years ago now but I can still see her face oozing pure hatred.

Eventually after physically recovering, her family urged me to leave her and said it was a lifelong pattern of behaviour for her (I didn't know this - she'd told me they all hated me and were on her 'side'). They warned me that she'd end up killing me if I stayed.

You stay because you think it's your fault and are determined to somehow make it work. This of course is nonsense but when you're in the middle of a storm you can't see a way out.

I've been very happily remarried for a number of years now but she still visits my dreams. In fact she was here last night, kicking off in public with the same old threats and lies. This stuff never really leaves you but you can get out, rebuild and be happy again.

Sorry that you had to go through all that, Harry. It does make you stronger and wiser though in a strange kind of way. You learn from it and you don't make those same mistakes again.

A certain poster has gone very quiet, don't you think? I wonder why that is.

 

[Quicksilvera]

Aye, been there myself too. Mostly mental torture and abuse but pretty severe stuff - constant false accusations, screaming vile abuse (often in public), basically any insults she could think of to scream that she thought might hurt. Put up with it for years until I got ill. I had a stroke under the stress with the result that I am now on pills for the rest of my life, whereupon she came to the hospital (I'd had the stroke while staying at a local b&b to escape the regular abuse and thought I'd better text her while waiting for an ambulance in case I collapsed and died, unidentified). She came into the ward and sat glaring at me, utterly furious and then accused me of putting it all on for pity - "Oh this is all very handy for you, isn't it! Well what about me!!" Years ago now but I can still see her face oozing pure hatred.

Eventually after physically recovering, her family urged me to leave her and said it was a lifelong pattern of behaviour for her (I didn't know this - she'd told me they all hated me and were on her 'side'). They warned me that she'd end up killing me if I stayed.

You stay because you think it's your fault and are determined to somehow make it work. This of course is nonsense but when you're in the middle of a storm you can't see a way out.

I've been very happily remarried for a number of years now but she still visits my dreams. In fact she was here last night, kicking off in public with the same old threats and lies. This stuff never really leaves you but you can get out, rebuild and be happy again.

Bloody hell Harry, that was a really sobering read. Thankfully you are no longer with that specimen and in a loving relationship. All the best to you my friend.

 

[TeessideCleveland]

Aye, been there myself too. Mostly mental torture and abuse but pretty severe stuff - constant false accusations, screaming vile abuse (often in public), basically any insults she could think of to scream that she thought might hurt. Put up with it for years until I got ill. I had a stroke under the stress with the result that I am now on pills for the rest of my life, whereupon she came to the hospital (I'd had the stroke while staying at a local b&b to escape the regular abuse and thought I'd better text her while waiting for an ambulance in case I collapsed and died, unidentified). She came into the ward and sat glaring at me, utterly furious and then accused me of putting it all on for pity - "Oh this is all very handy for you, isn't it! Well what about me!!" Years ago now but I can still see her face oozing pure hatred.

Eventually after physically recovering, her family urged me to leave her and said it was a lifelong pattern of behaviour for her (I didn't know this - she'd told me they all hated me and were on her 'side'). They warned me that she'd end up killing me if I stayed.

You stay because you think it's your fault and are determined to somehow make it work. This of course is nonsense but when you're in the middle of a storm you can't see a way out.

I've been very happily remarried for a number of years now but she still visits my dreams. In fact she was here last night, kicking off in public with the same old threats and lies. This stuff never really leaves you but you can get out, rebuild and be happy again.

So sorry you went through that mate

 

[Redwurzel]

Humans can be nasty to each other both male and female. To me its not a gender thing but often the female nastiness is more hidden, because it tends to be verbal, so the marks left are mental.

 

[r00fie1]

Trust me, it’s a lot easier to get trapped than you think. I’m a strong willed, big intimidating guy. I was trapped for years. Not so much physical for me it was verbal, emotional and psychological abuse. I knew I needed to get out but couldn’t figure out a safe exit. Thankfully no kids but did have a house and 2 dogs. I knew I’d never be free, I knew she’d never let me leave or leave me alone if I left and i knew if I ever found anyone else she would do her best to make their life a living misery as well. I was in a dark place and would regularly contemplate taking my own life.

Finally left her but every fear I had became a reality, the harassment stepped up to new levels, she would make frequent complaints about me to the police claiming I was abusing her and harassing her or I’d stolen from her, one claim even went as far as to say I’d tried to poison her. Thankfully the police were really sympathetic and could tell it was lies as I had witnesses and evidence that contradicted her claims and could prove otherwise. They wouldn’t prosecute her though as they felt sorry for her and said she’s just handled your break up badly it’s not her fault. She also started several money claims against me in civil court for just made up stuff, they went all the way to court before being thrown out, they wouldn’t have her for perjury though which was really frustrating, think it was after the 4th one the judge told her no more but this had span on a couple of years after separating. When she found out I was dating she went after them mostly just cyber stuff but it was relentless, when my partner got pregnant it stepped up a level, she was pregnant with twins and the abuse went on throughout the pregnancy made worse when we lost one of them mid way. We had to deal with a few false social services claims made against us from her. She was a teacher so her claims would initially have weight. Though were soon dismissed following a visit. The kids have protection notices on their files now stating they are at risk from false claims by her.

Even now years later I still get occasional grief, she lives in another country now thankfully but there’s always the worry she will return, though I’ve been told 3 seperate people have restraining orders on her there and she’s just been hit with 10’s of thousands of legal bills from people challenging false claims she’d made in court about then abusing her when she’d been abusing them. Think she has 4 or 5 victims now.

I’ve missed out quite a lot but it would take me hours to type everything she put me through

That must have taken a lot emotionally for you to tell of your pain publicly.
Hopefully it will empower others in similar circumstances.
My own experience was as a child, so I can empathise to some extent.
All respect to you Priv.
Take care.