When Women Abuse Men/My Wife, My Abuser

TeessideCleveland said:
Is there a point to that comment in terms of the documentaries?

I think you're actually belittling the suffering of the victims in the programmes

All victims of abuse are victims - and deserve the sympathy of all people
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Yeah, I thought the comment a bit odd too. Anyway.... I watched this the other week. Poor sod, he went through Hell. Even some of the professionals investigating the case were breaking down when they watched the recordings and hearing his story..... utterly horrific!

As far as I know he's getting the help he needs, and trying to rebuild his life. He seemed a really nice and decent bloke too. I hope he recovers from this ordeal. I wish him well.
 
Yeah, was really harrowing. Maybe even more shocking being that it’s from an atypical perspective.

My heart absolutely breaks for any victims of domestic abuse. Being trapped in the cycle of abuse is one of those things that I’ll never truly understand. As someone who is… let’s say strong willed, I’ve tried but I just can’t quite grasp how people get trapped in those cycles. If someone treated me like that I wouldn’t put up with it for 30 seconds. Obviously different when there’s kids and finances involved but I just can’t quite imagine feeling like there’s no other option but to stay with that person. There’s too many complicated psychological factors involved for me to get my head around and can’t imagine ever feeling that hopeless or powerless, guess I’m very lucky.

It’s horrifying.
 
jonny_greenings_sock said:
Yeah, was really harrowing. Maybe even more shocking being that it’s from an atypical perspective.

My heart absolutely breaks for any victims of domestic abuse. Being trapped in the cycle of abuse is one of those things that I’ll never truly understand. As someone who is… let’s say strong willed, I’ve tried but I just can’t quite grasp how people get trapped in those cycles. If someone treated me like that I wouldn’t put up with it for 30 seconds. Obviously different when there’s kids and finances involved but I just can’t quite imagine feeling like there’s no other option but to stay with that person. There’s too many complicated psychological factors involved for me to get my head around and can’t imagine ever feeling that hopeless or powerless, guess I’m very lucky.

It’s horrifying.
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Trust me, it’s a lot easier to get trapped than you think. I’m a strong willed, big intimidating guy. I was trapped for years. Not so much physical for me it was verbal, emotional and psychological abuse. I knew I needed to get out but couldn’t figure out a safe exit. Thankfully no kids but did have a house and 2 dogs. I knew I’d never be free, I knew she’d never let me leave or leave me alone if I left and i knew if I ever found anyone else she would do her best to make their life a living misery as well. I was in a dark place and would regularly contemplate taking my own life.

Finally left her but every fear I had became a reality, the harassment stepped up to new levels, she would make frequent complaints about me to the police claiming I was abusing her and harassing her or I’d stolen from her, one claim even went as far as to say I’d tried to poison her. Thankfully the police were really sympathetic and could tell it was lies as I had witnesses and evidence that contradicted her claims and could prove otherwise. They wouldn’t prosecute her though as they felt sorry for her and said she’s just handled your break up badly it’s not her fault. She also started several money claims against me in civil court for just made up stuff, they went all the way to court before being thrown out, they wouldn’t have her for perjury though which was really frustrating, think it was after the 4th one the judge told her no more but this had span on a couple of years after separating. When she found out I was dating she went after them mostly just cyber stuff but it was relentless, when my partner got pregnant it stepped up a level, she was pregnant with twins and the abuse went on throughout the pregnancy made worse when we lost one of them mid way. We had to deal with a few false social services claims made against us from her. She was a teacher so her claims would initially have weight. Though were soon dismissed following a visit. The kids have protection notices on their files now stating they are at risk from false claims by her.

Even now years later I still get occasional grief, she lives in another country now thankfully but there’s always the worry she will return, though I’ve been told 3 seperate people have restraining orders on her there and she’s just been hit with 10’s of thousands of legal bills from people challenging false claims she’d made in court about then abusing her when she’d been abusing them. Think she has 4 or 5 victims now.

I’ve missed out quite a lot but it would take me hours to type everything she put me through
 
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Priv said:
Trust me, it’s a lot easier to get trapped than you think. I’m a strong willed, big intimidating guy. I was trapped for years. Not so much physical for me it was verbal, emotional and psychological abuse. I knew I needed to get out but couldn’t figure out a safe exit. Thankfully no kids but did have a house and 2 dogs. I knew I’d never be free, I knew she’d never let me leave or leave me alone if I left and i knew if I ever found anyone else she would do her best to make their life a living misery as well. I was in a dark place and would regularly contemplate taking my own life.

Finally left her but every fear I had became a reality, the harassment stepped up to new levels, she would make frequent complaints about me to the police claiming I was abusing her and harassing her or I’d stolen from her, one claim even went as far as to say I’d tried to poison her. Thankfully the police were really sympathetic and could tell it was lies as I had witnesses and evidence that contradicted her claims and could prove otherwise. They wouldn’t prosecute her though as they felt sorry for her and said she’s just handled your break up badly it’s not her fault. She also started several money claims against me in civil court for just made up stuff, they went all the way to court before being thrown out, they wouldn’t have her for perjury though which was really frustrating, think it was after the 4th one the judge told her no more but this had span on a couple of years after separating. When she found out I was dating she went after them mostly just cyber stuff but it was relentless, when my partner got pregnant it stepped up a level, she was pregnant with twins and the abuse went on throughout the pregnancy made worse when we lost one of them mid way.

Even now years later I still get occasional grief, she lives in another country now thankfully but there’s always the worry she will return, though I’ve been told 3 seperate people have restraining orders on her there and she’s just been hit with 10’s of thousands of legal bills from people challenging false claims she’d made in court about then abusing her when she’d been abusing them. Think she has 4 or 5 victims now.

I’ve missed out quite a lot but it would take me hours to type everything she put me through
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Ruddy hell mate, that really is ‘play misty for me’, nice to see things are better for you now. I went through something similar but not to that extent, but I was falsely accused of assault when I was 300 miles away at the time. It can be quite harrowing when you are banged up in a cell and you are sat there thinking what the hell is this all about!
 
The Ruthsayer said:
And 2 women per week are killed by their male partners.
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Your reaction and that kind of comment are part of the problem in why men don’t or cant speak out, why they think they won’t be heard or believed.

It’s not about men or women being the victim or abuser

It’s about abusers and victims. Both sexes have the capacity to be cruel to the same or opposite sex.
 
Priv said:
Your reaction and that kind of comment are part of the problem in why men don’t or cant speak out, why they think they won’t be heard or believed.

It’s not about men or women being the victim or abuser

It’s about abusers and victims. Both sexes have the capacity to be cruel to the same or opposite sex.
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Simply putting a little context Priv. I agree with your final sentence, but one suffers a great deal more than the other.
 
Had a mate who's partner variously....

Hit him on the head with a hammer from behind when he was sat on the sofa
Stabbed him under the arm when he twisted away as she lunged for his heart
Pulled a heavy wardrobe on him as he lay in bed asleep

And still he went back to her time and again

But the final straw was when he got back late from a nighclub she was sat on the stairs with her dads loaded shotgun pointed at him.

He's a sensible sane individual who knew he was getting abused both physically and mentally but just couldn't mentally get away from it until it was nearly too late.
 
Priv said:
Trust me, it’s a lot easier to get trapped than you think. I’m a strong willed, big intimidating guy. I was trapped for years. Not so much physical for me it was verbal, emotional and psychological abuse. I knew I needed to get out but couldn’t figure out a safe exit. Thankfully no kids but did have a house and 2 dogs. I knew I’d never be free, I knew she’d never let me leave or leave me alone if I left and i knew if I ever found anyone else she would do her best to make their life a living misery as well. I was in a dark place and would regularly contemplate taking my own life.

Finally left her but every fear I had became a reality, the harassment stepped up to new levels, she would make frequent complaints about me to the police claiming I was abusing her and harassing her or I’d stolen from her, one claim even went as far as to say I’d tried to poison her. Thankfully the police were really sympathetic and could tell it was lies as I had witnesses and evidence that contradicted her claims and could prove otherwise. They wouldn’t prosecute her though as they felt sorry for her and said she’s just handled your break up badly it’s not her fault. She also started several money claims against me in civil court for just made up stuff, they went all the way to court before being thrown out, they wouldn’t have her for perjury though which was really frustrating, think it was after the 4th one the judge told her no more but this had span on a couple of years after separating. When she found out I was dating she went after them mostly just cyber stuff but it was relentless, when my partner got pregnant it stepped up a level, she was pregnant with twins and the abuse went on throughout the pregnancy made worse when we lost one of them mid way. We had to deal with a few false social services claims made against us from her. She was a teacher so her claims would initially have weight. Though were soon dismissed following a visit. The kids have protection notices on their files now stating they are at risk from false claims by her.

Even now years later I still get occasional grief, she lives in another country now thankfully but there’s always the worry she will return, though I’ve been told 3 seperate people have restraining orders on her there and she’s just been hit with 10’s of thousands of legal bills from people challenging false claims she’d made in court about then abusing her when she’d been abusing them. Think she has 4 or 5 victims now.

I’ve missed out quite a lot but it would take me hours to type everything she put me through
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Mate, I am so sorry you had to go through all that.
 
zzzzz said:
Had a mate who's partner variously....

Hit him on the head with a hammer from behind when he was sat on the sofa
Stabbed him under the arm when he twisted away as she lunged for his heart
Pulled a heavy wardrobe on him as he lay in bed asleep

And still he went back to her time and again

But the final straw was when he got back late from a nighclub she was sat on the stairs with her dads loaded shotgun pointed at him.

He's a sensible sane individual who knew he was getting abused both physically and mentally but just couldn't mentally get away from it until it was nearly too late.
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Is she now in prison?
 
The Ruthsayer said:
Simply putting a little context Priv. I agree with your final sentence, but one suffers a great deal more than the other.
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Absolutely ridiculous comments from you in this thread. Any abuse victim suffers the same, we don't need to break them down into men and women. Your comments show little sympathy for any male sufferer of domestic abuse and little wonder some men don't speak out.
 
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