Thanks all....

Hello mate.
Like you, I am one of the many on here that suffers with the black dog. I had a bad time with it for a year up to April. Then my new meds kicked in and made a difference. I have had a couple of dips but feel better. I had been on 5 or six different anti-depressants over that year before one started to to take effect and I was really getting desperate, at that point. Have you talked to your GP about different dosages or different pills? What was particularly worrying - and also very common - was that the meds I has used for years with quite a success, now didnt do anything. So, it was trial and error until we found one that works - not very scientific but the only way to do it, seemingly.

Like so many of us, I also use alcohol even though I know it is contributing to the problem. This goes back to my mid-teens - any problems that life threw at me I would be drawn to have a drink.
I do not drink to a level that it causes a problem itself but it is too much and every day. I have discussed it with my shrink and he doesnt think my drinking is a massive problem while i get back to a steady state of mind but obviously he told me that it is unhealthy and must be reduced. He told me straight: slow down or just be honest and admit that you cant.

So, I need to reduce my drinking but for so long it has been my little treat at the end of each day; a couple of hours where I really relax and unwind. When I need to to go without, I do but the problem is I really enjoy a drink. Drink claims to be my friend but I wonder if it is lying to me?

The new SSRIs that I am on now do what is needed but come with lots of very common side effects. I have to accept them because the pros far outweigh the cons. Until some other treatment becomes available, I will be on these pills for life. Not the end of the world but I have a chronic condition.
If only there was a pill we could take that lets us relax and be at ease without the side effects and addiction.
 
... I have posted on here during my darkest places and have had the most horrendous few years. I finally feel I am starting to come out of the blackness. It will not and has not been easy and I just want to say thanks to people who read my often ramblings. I now know my triggers and have things in place to deal with my dark times now. Still not easy, but easier...

Plus, to say to other people who feel the same way, stick with the self care and you will come out of the other side of this horrible place. You don't need to go to the gym 8 times a week or be a yoga master but look after you.

I've read a few books on this ***** and 2 are stand outs. Sam Delaney - Sort your head out
And Matt Haig - Reasons to stay alive.

They are moments where you realise, this is something you are not alone with and basically alcohol and prescription medication do not work, well not for me.

Made my day seeing that post

And - another shout our for that Matt Haig book (y)
 
Hello mate.
Like you, I am one of the many on here that suffers with the black dog. I had a bad time with it for a year up to April. Then my new meds kicked in and made a difference. I have had a couple of dips but feel better. I had been on 5 or six different anti-depressants over that year before one started to to take effect and I was really getting desperate, at that point. Have you talked to your GP about different dosages or different pills? What was particularly worrying - and also very common - was that the meds I has used for years with quite a success, now didnt do anything. So, it was trial and error until we found one that works - not very scientific but the only way to do it, seemingly.

Like so many of us, I also use alcohol even though I know it is contributing to the problem. This goes back to my mid-teens - any problems that life threw at me I would be drawn to have a drink.
I do not drink to a level that it causes a problem itself but it is too much and every day. I have discussed it with my shrink and he doesnt think my drinking is a massive problem while i get back to a steady state of mind but obviously he told me that it is unhealthy and must be reduced. He told me straight: slow down or just be honest and admit that you cant.

So, I need to reduce my drinking but for so long it has been my little treat at the end of each day; a couple of hours where I really relax and unwind. When I need to to go without, I do but the problem is I really enjoy a drink. Drink claims to be my friend but I wonder if it is lying to me?

The new SSRIs that I am on now do what is needed but come with lots of very common side effects. I have to accept them because the pros far outweigh the cons. Until some other treatment becomes available, I will be on these pills for life. Not the end of the world but I have a chronic condition.
If only there was a pill we could take that lets us relax and be at ease without the side effects and addiction.
I was referred to a mental health nurse. She took me off all medication as none worked for me. She tried to get me a diagnosis instead. Still nowhere. I am aware I have to deal with it and no one else. It is just hard as hell to see my wife suffer, we are like strangers, I am like this crazy zombie. She calls me Jeckal and Hyde. As I am one minute this amazing person, the in a rage over nothing, then sleeping in the car
 
Mind charge for counselling? I never knew that. How much do they charge?
Yeah £50 a session. And AA, I was there for 12 months they made me want to drink more. It is a strange cult. My addiction is me, not the drink. I always wanted the simple answer, there isn't one. I remember the day that broke me 3.5 years ago. Work piled so much onto me and I was always the one who hid his emotions.
 
It could be your username? You could try happygit? Maybe not as drastic as that. Maybe start at grumpygit and work your way up to happygit lol? No seriously tho, wishing all the best for you mate.
 
I do but the problem is I really enjoy a drink. Drink claims to be my friend but I wonder if it is lying to me?
It is the enemy. It claims to be a friend but it is poison. I used to smoke and smoke cannabis to dull the thoughts, same results. I actually love love love my life, but something says no. Sat in a Tesco car park is no fun, knowing I will drive to South gare to sleep is no fun.
 
Do you always feel like this or do you just go through phases? Me personally I am happy most of the time then now and then for no reason I go through a phase of feeling dreadful. I always just say to myself that no matter how bad I feel, it always passes. So I just try and ride it out the best I can and make sure I don’t do anything stupid and try to be kind to everybody around me, because it can also be horrible for those around you.
 
Sorry to read you are having a tough time Sadgit. I hope you find the support you need and the good days start to outnumber the bad ones. Keep posting and know that people do care!
I really admire your honesty and openness, stay strong and stay safe!
 
I was referred to a mental health nurse. She took me off all medication as none worked for me. She tried to get me a diagnosis instead. Still nowhere. I am aware I have to deal with it and no one else. It is just hard as hell to see my wife suffer, we are like strangers, I am like this crazy zombie. She calls me Jeckal and Hyde. As I am one minute this amazing person, the in a rage over nothing, then sleeping in the car
Referred to a nurse? Jesus. Referred to a Consultant Psychiatrist is what it really should be. I also had serious problems with various GPs who were extremely unsympathetic to what I was trying to tell them. A nurse should never be your final port of call in this situation. How about the local crisis team? I have added a link below - please give them a buzz, if you havent already.

Its easy for me to say but I would sell my car to see a shrink. Waiting for the NHS takes a long time, much to the country's shame.

Mate, please, please dont drive to the gare after vodka.... the last thing you need is more trouble on your plate and having the law tapping on the window.

Local Crisis team
 
Yeah £50 a session. And AA, I was there for 12 months they made me want to drink more. It is a strange cult. My addiction is me, not the drink. I always wanted the simple answer, there isn't one. I remember the day that broke me 3.5 years ago. Work piled so much onto me and I was always the one who hid his emotions.


I’ve been lucky I got to see a counsellor from a charity that work with the lgbt community. But speaking from experience, you sound similar to me. You drink heavily but you don’t sound like an alcoholic to me so no wonder AA didn’t work. Sounds to me that you use alcohol to self medicate. And the depression worsens and you get sucidal ideation and make poor choices - like driving down the Gare. Or, in my case, a few weeks ago swallowing a load of paracetamol and prescription drugs in the middle of the night and calling an ambulance as a cry for help. Just a thought anyway. I don’t live on Teesside so I sadly can’t recommend any local organisations, sorry.
 
I’ve been lucky I got to see a counsellor from a charity that work with the lgbt community. But speaking from experience, you sound similar to me. You drink heavily but you don’t sound like an alcoholic to me so no wonder AA didn’t work. Sounds to me that you use alcohol to self medicate. And the depression worsens and you get sucidal ideation and make poor choices - like driving down the Gare. Or, in my case, a few weeks ago swallowing a load of paracetamol and prescription drugs in the middle of the night and calling an ambulance as a cry for help. Just a thought anyway. I don’t live on Teesside so I sadly can’t recommend any local organisations, sorry.
Yep I did pay nearly 15k for rehab 3 years ago. Best time to breakdown is during a lockdown. Or not. I was told I was an alcoholic but as you said, I'm not I just self medicate to stop the noise and the fire. Oh but it doesn't help, it makes it worse. Funny that.
 
Yep I did pay nearly 15k for rehab 3 years ago. Best time to breakdown is during a lockdown. Or not. I was told I was an alcoholic but as you said, I'm not I just self medicate to stop the noise and the fire. Oh but it doesn't help, it makes it worse. Funny that.

But - and this is also my experience- from what you’ve written you really don’t sound like an alcoholic, you don’t even sound dependent on alcohol. You just drink heavily to self medicate when you feel depressed and low. I drink mainly out of boredom, and when I’m struggling with life - unfortunately I just drink more. And yes it makes everything 100 times worse. I totally get it. I’ve been told I don’t need AA and that I probably need a type of CBT to understand why you turn to drink, rather than get up go for a walk or something else. You probably need the same.

Help is so difficult to get. Not that I’d recommend this in any way but just over a year ago I lost the plot, got in the car and went and stood at a train station, rang the 111 crisis line and told them I was going to jump in front of a train. That suddenly got me help and got me the 1-1 counselling I needed. I’m still not out if it. Not sure I ever will be.

Hope this helps mate.
 
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