Help Women Feel Safe

I work with children and see windows into many home lives through what they say.

There are sadly a lot of boys who are exposed to terrible male role models and in turn speak horribly to their mothers, riding roughshod over them. This sets a pattern of learned behaviour which is carried out against the girls at school, female teachers and then out on the streets later in life. Domestic violence and coercive control are rife.

It's easy to blame social media, but this starts at home and needs parents to either do better or explicitly point out to their sons how they should be acting. 'That's not normal' is a good starting point to change the outlook of someone.
 
Legz said:
I get what you're saying lads I do....and I don't want to belittle your feelings either but it's completely different for women in a way you wouldn't understand.....I mean now we even need to ask an off duty copper his number and check in at his station if they stop us.....we can't even trust a copper!!!
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That goes for both sexes
 
jeff_potato said:
I work with children and see windows into many home lives through what they say.

There are sadly a lot of boys who are exposed to terrible male role models and in turn speak horribly to their mothers, riding roughshod over them. This sets a pattern of learned behaviour which is carried out against the girls at school, female teachers and then out on the streets later in life. Domestic violence and coercive control are rife.

It's easy to blame social media, but this starts at home and needs parents to either do better or explicitly point out to their sons how they should be acting. 'That's not normal' is a good starting point to change the outlook of someone.
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Oh aye, so how is that going to change?
 
jeff_potato said:
I work with children and see windows into many home lives through what they say.

There are sadly a lot of boys who are exposed to terrible male role models and in turn speak horribly to their mothers, riding roughshod over them. This sets a pattern of learned behaviour which is carried out against the girls at school, female teachers and then out on the streets later in life. Domestic violence and coercive control are rife.

It's easy to blame social media, but this starts at home and needs parents to either do better or explicitly point out to their sons how they should be acting. 'That's not normal' is a good starting point to change the outlook of someone.
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Exactly this if your male relations and role models treat women with respect your much more likely to treat them well yourself. . Culturally things have improved for women in this country but we are far from perfect just look at the House of commons. However when you look at counties around the world it's even more bleak they treat women like subservient citizens even giving them less legal rights this endorses the appalling mistreatment of women. Some men get a kick from the power and coercive control and this is ultimately learned behaviour, more work needs to done for positive change
 
If I remember correctly men are actually more at risk of violence from a stranger in the street than women. For women and girls the danger is when they get home, from the men they know and trust! 😞
 
There are a minority of people that are out to cause trouble. It isn't a male/female issue. I don't always feel safe walking on my own at night, particularly in places I don't know well however basic statistics tells me that if someone is out looking for trouble they are far less likely to see me as a target due to my size than if they saw a woman. If they have a weapon and they are just wanting to rob someone then my size becomes irrelevant so it very much depends on the intention.

I don't think there is much education that can be done because the people that are out to cause trouble are never going to be educated.

The reason why we all feel unsafe is because we know those troublemakers are out there but we don't know who they are so I get that there might be things that men can do to attempt to make it obvious that they are not would be attackers but you know if everyone learns that behaviour there will be those same troublemakers figuring out how they can do the same thing to get someone's guard down a bit before attacking anyway.

As for education Vs teaching girls to be on guard I think it is a no brainer that teaching girls (and boys) to be on guard is a sensible thing. It's much better to be prepared and never need the skills you've learnt/practiced than to not have them when needed.
 
Nano said:
There are a minority of people that are out to cause trouble. It isn't a male/female issue. I don't always feel safe walking on my own at night, particularly in places I don't know well however basic statistics tells me that if someone is out looking for trouble they are far less likely to see me as a target due to my size than if they saw a woman. If they have a weapon and they are just wanting to rob someone then my size becomes irrelevant so it very much depends on the intention.

I don't think there is much education that can be done because the people that are out to cause trouble are never going to be educated.

The reason why we all feel unsafe is because we know those troublemakers are out there but we don't know who they are so I get that there might be things that men can do to attempt to make it obvious that they are not would be attackers but you know if everyone learns that behaviour there will be those same troublemakers figuring out how they can do the same thing to get someone's guard down a bit before attacking anyway.

As for education Vs teaching girls to be on guard I think it is a no brainer that teaching girls (and boys) to be on guard is a sensible thing. It's much better to be prepared and never need the skills you've learnt/practiced than to not have them when needed.
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I think education, for men in particular, can go further.
Throughout my life (its been reasonably long) I’ve turned a blind eye to men (sometimes mates) having the old ‘friendly banter’ with women at night.

I don’t now,

We need to call it out (politely of course) when we see, hear it)

We also need to share the ideas above that can help women.
 
Not taking anything away from the real fears of women but do statistics support the claim that the streets are now more unsafe for women as they were, say, 20 years ago when one would think misogyny was more prevalent? I was just wondering if the media was driving the fear? Cases where serious crimes are committed against women are reported far more than I can remember they used to be? Issues nowadays do get inflated by media coverage as it can be wall to wall, and it can really scare people.

I also wonder if the lack of police, following the cost of the last 12 years, are a cause? Anti-social behaviour is more prevalent and we all have the feeling that crime is up - I can totally understand why people don't feel safe anymore.

Statistics aside I do think we all have a responsibility to make women feel safer. I live in a quiet town but wouldn't like my wife walking home on her own. I am a worrier. I do cross a road to give women more space if they are walking home on their own on a night and am also interested in the above ideas that can help women. Regardless of the dangers for women, if they feel unsafe we should do what we can to help.
 
NoloBoro said:
People keep saying ‘education’ can anyone explain what that would look like?
Surely it’s beyond educating people, it must be obvious that harassing anyone while they’re out and about is wrong?
Enforcement is the only way, more uniformed police, better street lighting, cheaper public transport
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Talk to your sons. Make sure they're brought up with respect for women and an understanding of how their behaviour impacts them. Long term project, sadly. I think a lot of men are a lost cause, so let's just try and fix the next generation.
 
Chutney said:
Talk to your sons. Make sure they're brought up with respect for women and an understanding of how their behaviour impacts them. Long term project, sadly. I think a lot of men are a lost cause, so let's just try and fix the next generation.
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The good news
It was my sons and partners who talked to me some time ago to help me understand.
 
1finny said:
Please

www.theguardian.com

Calling all men: this is what we can do to help women feel safe exercising in the dark | Chris Boardman

We have to break the cycle of misogyny that makes women feel at risk: This Girl Can’s guide sets out steps you can take, says Chris Boardman of Sport England
www.theguardian.com www.theguardian.com
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Boardman’s advice is sensible and proportionate, not wishing to sound like an angel, bu these are things I’d do naturally anyway.

Also if I’m away and my wife is getting into a taxi home on her own she always rings me and says “ hiya, I’m in the taxi and I’ll see you in ten minutes” even though she won’t be seeing me for days, just gives the impression someone is in the house and expecting her. I don’t feel the need to do it if it’s me on my own, sad.
 
I’ve gotta say that I feel talking about men not feeling safe either is hijacking the thread a bit.. I get that we may also feel unsafe but for completely different reasons usually…
I don’t ever fear being sexually assaulted…

One thing in common between the 2 separate issues though, is that it’s nearly always other men that both sexes are frightened of…

I’d also go as far as arguing that it is ALL men that need education on this issue.. without saying that it’s all men that are the problem… but we do need to be aware of the issues women are frightened by and how we can all make them feel safer..

I don’t consider my self a threat to anyone but from talking to my daughters and wife I have learned quite a few things about how men cause alarm to women…
 
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As a dad to a daughter who has just started Uni, this kind of thing terrifies me. I can't be with her all the time now and she understandably doesn't want any tracker apps on her phone. I felt a little wary in Manchester city centre the other week, and that was around tea-time on a Friday night, and I'm male, 6'2" and 18 stone.
 
xxlshirts_fit_all said:
I’ve gotta say that I feel talking about men not feeling safe either is hijacking the thread a bit.. I get that we may also feel unsafe but for completely different reasons usually…
I don’t ever fear being sexually assaulted…

One thing in common between the 2 separate issues though, is that it’s nearly always other men that both sexes are frightened of…

I’d also go as far as arguing that it is ALL men that need education on this issue.. without saying that it’s all men that are the problem… but we do need to be aware of the issues women are frightened by and how we can all make them feel safer..

I don’t consider my self a threat to anyone but from talking to my daughters and wife I have learned quite a few things about how men cause alarm to women…
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My point was because most fears that women (and men) have are 99% of the time misplaced. We are all afraid of the very small percentage of people out there that do want to attack people. Women don't need to be fearful, just like men don't, because the chances of there being something to be genuinely worried about is quite small. We are all living in fear of the extreme minority. If I walk home from town after a night out for example, or walk from the station on a dark evening I will be wary if there is another bloke walking, or a pair of men, a group of teenagers etc but 99% of those people have no ill intentions. I might also be more confident of not being attacked in some of those situations than a woman would be due to being a tall bloke but even that is misplaced because more lone men are attacked than lone women but I presume that is more a quirk of the statistics because men are more confident to walk about alone.

The main thing that needs to change is trying to reduce the small % of people that are out to cause problems to an even smaller %. People should (and can) feel safe because most situations are safe, it's just hard to trust the unknown when you are out and about by yourself. I'd be willing to bet as well that most offenders are repeat offenders so identifying and punishing more harshly those people would reduce that number and allow us all to be safer.

Telling people to keep aware, and be safe, know what to do if you feel threatened etc is an important thing to teach to everyone.
 
Nano said:
My point was because most fears that women (and men) have are 99% of the time misplaced.
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I'm not sure you can support that?
Particularly in the context that 97% UK women between the ages of 18-24 say they have been sexually harassed.
(verbal sexual conduct is captured in the definition of sexual harrasment)

This was reported by an All Party Parliamentary Group for UN Women.

I'm sure not all of these happen outdoors at night, but it must have a profound effect on your ability to feel safe.
There really isn't a male equivalent for that kind of feeling.
 
Littlejimmy said:
As a dad to a daughter who has just started Uni, this kind of thing terrifies me. I can't be with her all the time now and she understandably doesn't want any tracker apps on her phone. I felt a little wary in Manchester city centre the other week, and that was around tea-time on a Friday night, and I'm male, 6'2" and 18 stone.
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When I was at uni 30 years ago they laid on late night transport so female students could get home
 
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