If you read this Aet I hope that you get the support and help that you are looking for. There are many great people on this site that have tried to support you, however if you are wishing to deal with your feelings then another site for mental health may give you additional support. I am not saying dont post on here, as we are all Boro fans together.
To other posters who have not experienced depression themselves. Depression can come in many forms, with many triggers resulting in many ways that it affects people. I have had depression for over 20 years, often triggering from stress and anxiety. I deal with it internally, challenging my negative thoughts. I am open to many things that may make things better and can go years between episodes, however the last two years have been very difficult. Not all depressed people want to kill themselves, through suicide, however they may not care if they live or die.
I just wanted to say that the kind and positive thoughts that many posters have expressed over the years, have had a positive affect on my and I am sure others lifes. There may well be others who suffer in silence or even not be aware that they are suffering. So on behalf of everyone, thank you for all of the support, understanding and positivity that has been expressed to those of us who live with mental health problems.