Depression

sadgit

sadgit

Well-known member
How do you get out of it? I am so desperately sad, the only people I talk to are Samaritans or a passing comment to dog walkers. I've not eaten in 2 or 3 days now. I live with my headphones on. I also feel like I post on here too much about this crap. I self sabotage by drinking boat loads of vodka to numb the pain. I look at my hands and they of an old man. It has destroyed my marriage, my life and everything. This isn't a self pity post, I just need to let my brain talk
 
I'm no expert by any stretch but I know that things change. The key is to hang in there, keep talking on here, to the samaritans to anyone. It will get better.
 
Hi Sadgit, this is really awful what you are going through.

I hope this doesn't sound like a silly question but do you have targets in life? Like places to visit, career goals, health goals etc?
 
I was doing well, feeling happy, my twitching had stopped, then my head kicked in again. The over thinking and trying to help everyone else apart from me.
 
Brian Marwood said:
I hope this doesn't sound like a silly question but do you have targets in life? Like places to visit, career goals, health goals etc?
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Not silly, it drives me crazy. At the moment my goals are to stay alive, health to be back to my yoga, which I have booked for Monday. Long term, if the divorce goes through, walk and camp around the UK. To keep walking, to breath fresh air.
 
Brian Marwood said:
Hi Sadgit, this is really awful what you are going through.

I hope this doesn't sound like a silly question but do you have targets in life? Like places to visit, career goals, health goals etc?
Click to expand...
That’s a good point Bri, have you made any plans Sadgit?

When I first moved away from home I was at a loss what to do with myself, i found something to throw myself into a project of some such.

Boredom led to depression, I found.

If you feel you need to drink for a release or as I do sometimes just have company around you, I’ve started drinking Non Alcoholic Guinness. It tastes just like the normal stuff and doesn’t mess you up after a few.
 
I've been there. Not comparing our lives by any means, but i mean my own battle. I was married with kids in a home we'd just bought and that broke down, so being apart from my kids and pretty much starting a new life in my late 30s isn't what i had planned for life.

I spent many hours bombing up and down deserted roads and more than once thought about just putting my foot down and closing my eyes, but honestly from my experience, it just got better.

It got easier to get out of bed and suicide wasn't my first thought in the morning, sad songs didn't hit home as hard, you don't look in the mirror and completely hate yourself etc. A lot to be said for getting through tough days and letting time pass.

As above have said, you'll know yourself the drink isn't helping but i've been there again and it just becomes something of a routine and almost a comfort blanket, a constant in your life that you can control when other things feel completely out of control.

Don't be afraid to talk. I spoke with the Samaritans, i never spoke to my friends or family and i regret that. None of them really know the lows i got to, and there is something of a comfort for being able to speak about things online behind your anonymity.

Feel free to message me if you like. I don't know you and nor will i judge, but if you want somewhere or someone to get your thoughts out.
 
SCG said:
Boredom led to depression, I found.
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I does, and I know all this. This is why I walk a lot. I literally have no family or friends and I find it hard to talk to people. Alan and Rob on here really helped me but I just feel lost. I've missed most of the football but plan to watch the 2 games tonight.
 
As bad as it is now it is temporary, never forget that. Take up a hobby, go to group activities. Engage with people. I know anxiety can be an issue for some but sitting round a table and just taking to people even a few naff jokes can make the world of difference. We're pack animals ultimately, we're not designed to be alone.
 
VestasBoro said:
I've been there. Not comparing our lives by any means, but i mean my own battle. I was married with kids in a home we'd just bought and that broke down, so being apart from my kids and pretty much starting a new life in my late 30s isn't what i had planned for life.

I spent many hours bombing up and down deserted roads and more than once thought about just putting my foot down and closing my eyes, but honestly from my experience, it just got better.

It got easier to get out of bed and suicide wasn't my first thought in the morning, sad songs didn't hit home as hard, you don't look in the mirror and completely hate yourself etc. A lot to be said for getting through tough days and letting time pass.

As above have said, you'll know yourself the drink isn't helping but i've been there again and it just becomes something of a routine and almost a comfort blanket, a constant in your life that you can control when other things feel completely out of control.

Don't be afraid to talk. I spoke with the Samaritans, i never spoke to my friends or family and i regret that. None of them really know the lows i got to, and there is something of a comfort for being able to speak about things online behind your anonymity.

Feel free to message me if you like. I don't know you and nor will i judge, but if you want somewhere or someone to get your thoughts out.
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This is why I post here, I'm not alone or special. You are amazing open. No, man up, not crack on, just honest. Thank you
 
I was on Escitalopram for two years .
Sleepless nights with music on repeat all night in my head. A million different negative thoughts going through my mind in the space of a few minutes. Then repeating all night. Didn't like to be out in crowds, everything was so loud. Got the shakes if I saw anyone I knew.

I was told to get out and get exercise...take the dog for walks they said...it'll help they said.
No, it just left me alone in a field with my negative thoughts.

I had a little relapse about 3 years ago but I got myself out of it.
I know it'll come back again one day.

All I can offer is to say that keep telling yourself that your mind is lying to you.

It eventually got through to me.

​

 
sadgit said:
How do you get out of it? I am so desperately sad, the only people I talk to are Samaritans or a passing comment to dog walkers. I've not eaten in 2 or 3 days now. I live with my headphones on. I also feel like I post on here too much about this crap. I self sabotage by drinking boat loads of vodka to numb the pain. I look at my hands and they of an old man. It has destroyed my marriage, my life and everything. This isn't a self pity post, I just need to let my brain talk
Click to expand...
did you get my PM that I sent a few weeks ago?
 
sadgit said:
Not silly, it drives me crazy. At the moment my goals are to stay alive, health to be back to my yoga, which I have booked for Monday. Long term, if the divorce goes through, walk and camp around the UK. To keep walking, to breath fresh air.
Click to expand...

My lowest point was 12 years ago when I was living in Singapore and my marriage broke, watching my then wife and children fly back to the UK left me in a desperate state. Sitting alone on a 9th floor balcony drinking a bottle of whisky was a scary situation and opened up a lot of dark thoughts.

At that point I had no friends, no hobbies and nobody to fall back upon. I had to climb of out of this and so I set goals, short term and long term. This was around savings, career progression, leaving Singapore in the future, making new friends, travel, hobbies and setting reasonable time scales. Every single day my focus was on the future and not dwelling on the past, that is what got me through it.

I took up boxing and enjoyed getting punched in the face, how bizarre is that?
 
It's a good thing you're speaking to the Samaritans & willing to open up on here. I'd definitely recommend trying to add in some exercise to your lifestyle. It'll make you feel much better and give you more energy to do other things. Plus, fill some of your time if you're finding yourself bored.

Are you into any sports or hobbies?
 
Lemmy_kilmister said:
I was on Escitalopram for two years .
Sleepless nights with music on repeat all night in my head. A million different negative thoughts going through my mind in the space of a few minutes. Then repeating all night. Didn't like to be out in crowds, everything was so loud. Got the shakes if I saw anyone I knew.

I was told to get out and get exercise...take the dog for walks they said...it'll help they said.
No, it just left me alone in a field with my negative thoughts.

I had a little relapse about 3 years ago but I got myself out of it.
I know it'll come back again one day.

All I can offer is to say that keep telling yourself that your mind is lying to you.

It eventually got through to me.

​

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This is exactly me, time for a walk.
MoggasDog said:
did you get my PM that I sent a few weeks ago?
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I did, not for me, but thanks...
 
sadgit said:
How do you get out of it? I am so desperately sad, the only people I talk to are Samaritans or a passing comment to dog walkers. I've not eaten in 2 or 3 days now. I live with my headphones on. I also feel like I post on here too much about this crap. I self sabotage by drinking boat loads of vodka to numb the pain. I look at my hands and they of an old man. It has destroyed my marriage, my life and everything. This isn't a self pity post, I just need to let my brain talk
Click to expand...
You have taken a massive leap in sharing your feelings. You will get through this. My kindest regards to you, and yes, I do understand how painful it is. Keep going my friend, happiness is just around the corner, doing what it oughta, waiting for you.
 
sadgit said:
This is why I post here, I'm not alone or special. You are amazing open. No, man up, not crack on, just honest. Thank you
Click to expand...
I'm fairly anonymous, some people know me and those guys probably without speaking about it directly, know where i was and where my head was.
There is something really freeing about opening up and actually typing it. It's quite emotional but it certainly helps so don't be afraid to do that either openly or via private messages to people. I use a number of different forums like this and honestly it's refreshing to be able to speak openly and not feel judged by people within your life, people who you don't see every day and whose opinions don't bear much weight if they become negative. Obviously support is amazing, but i certainly think its easier to ignore negativity when its people displayed with usernames and random display pictures, than real faces. Maybe not at first, but honestly it gets quite easy to ignore negativity from the likes of my Prison Mike or your Napoleon Dynamite isn't it.

As mentioned above, setting goals is a big deal. They can be anything from 1,2,3 days to something 1,2,3 years from now.
& physically write them. Don't use your phone or your mind, get a pen and paper and write stuff down. Plans, ideas, thoughts, anything. Once you start writing you won't stop and it feels like a weight off your shoulder.

Boro are back soon, that'll give you something to think about.... on second thoughts, maybe not.
 
sadgit said:
How do you get out of it? I am so desperately sad, the only people I talk to are Samaritans or a passing comment to dog walkers. I've not eaten in 2 or 3 days now. I live with my headphones on. I also feel like I post on here too much about this crap. I self sabotage by drinking boat loads of vodka to numb the pain. I look at my hands and they of an old man. It has destroyed my marriage, my life and everything. This isn't a self pity post, I just need to let my brain talk
Click to expand...
When I have had bouts of depression in the past, it's very easy to turn to alcohol and an internal battle goes on to try and prevent yourself from having that first drink, I joined a gym and found that it quietened my crazy mind, released endorphins that put me in a better mood.

Then found walking in the countryside and looking at how beautiful everything is helped.
I would plan walks across the Cleveland way and take sandwiches and a flask of tea.
Slowly but surly I managed to get on top of it...but its always there ready to enter my life when I least expect it...but I now have ways of combating it.
When you put yourself back together you will make new friends and old ones sometimes come back.
Keep thinking positive thoughts...it all there waiting for you.
 
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