Dementia: Said goodbye...

It's very sad to read such soul destroying stories which you and your loved ones has experienced.
My heart and thoughts are with you all.

It's a little off topic, but my wife and I decided against having children after returning from a one year world trip holiday in 1990.
We had planned on starting a family on our return to Oz but such was the amazing experience, we decided that we wanted to do it again.
I was forty when we did do it again in 95 and it was then, on our return that the decision was made.

We knew that it was selfish of us and our parents were always asking how long was it going to be for them to become grandparents.
Our hearts just wasn't in it, we both loved our jobs and loved travelling and meeting people from different cultures and backgrounds
and wanted more of it.

Over the years we have both often thought about whether we did the right thing and have had our doubts and the feelings of guilt.
After reading all the sad stories on this thread, I, in an odd way, feel a sense of relief in that I don't or wont have the worry of having
to put anyone through all what you and your loved ones have suffered or suffering. Which helps to justify and to put me, somewhat at ease,
with the decision that we made all those years ago.

Thinking of you all.
 
Mam beginning to show signs of it now.
To be honest I don't think about it after teatime - as if I dwell on it in the evening I can't sleep. Will be switching off this thread until tomorrow before I start to dwell on it tonight
My grandad had it - and even worse he had to say goodbye to his son (my Dad) who died of cancer , but he did recognise him (we had to lift him so he could kiss his dead son in the mortuary)
 
It is so heartbreaking to watch a relation with alzeihmers. My dad died in November from it, he lived with it for 5 years, started off with slight forgetfulness and tried to continue as normal. It slowly progressed, to disappearing on the bus somewhere and having the police having to search for him. My stepmum was amazing and persisted for years looking after him at home. She hid her cancer from us all until January last year when she had to go into hospital and then my dad went into a care home. I felt real guilt but he needed professional care and the carers in the home are absolute heroes. Unfortunately my stepmum died first in July and we managed to look after her so she could die at home. The only good thing was that my dad didn't know that his wife of 35 years had died.
 
gregorgregorovich said:
I honestly don't know how the carers do it, day in and day out and a lot of them on minimum wage. Our mam was in Kirkley Lodge in Coulby Newham and they were outstanding in every way.
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We were really lucky that we had a carer with her own company living close by. We got her to come in 2-3 times a day before before me mam was admitted to a nursing home - this kept her at home way longer than would have been possible if the carer hadn't been there. She looks after my Dad now and the same applies to him - if she wasn't there he would need full time care.
I can't express my gratitude enough to her - she's become a part of the family!
 
Wiseman_Vaughn said:
We were really lucky that we had a carer with her own company living close by. We got her to come in 2-3 times a day before before me mam was admitted to a nursing home - this kept her at home way longer than would have been possible if the carer hadn't been there. She looks after my Dad now and the same applies to him - if she wasn't there he would need full time care.
I can't express my gratitude enough to her - she's become a part of the family!
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We were lucky too, in a way. I lived quite close to our Mam so I was able to pop in regularly. We also had carers in twice a day, but the real star was our Mams neighbour and friend Sue. We owe her a debt I could never hope to repay.
 
gregorgregorovich said:
We were lucky too, in a way. I lived quite close to our Mam so I was able to pop in regularly. We also had carers in twice a day, but the real star was our Mams neighbour and friend Sue. We owe her a debt I could never hope to repay.
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I massively admire anybody that can take on a duty of care. Money is not enough to say thank you - but seeing it first hand, carers are massively underpaid.
 
My Grandma suffered from dementia in her later life, she must have lived for at least another 4-5 years after she’s completely forgotten everyone she knew and loved.
I was only in my late teens and early 20s so really struggled going to visit her in the care home, it felt like I’d already said goodbye to the person who was my grandma long before she actually physically left us.
It takes a strong person to keep going when dealing with such an awful condition, my heart goes out to all those on here currently going through it.
 
r00fie1 said:
When someone has dementia and the more you see them, the less the person is the one you once knew.
Hard to sustain clinical separation from emotions.
Anyone else been in this boat?
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Hi Roofie
It’s taken me a few days to reply to you as your post was emotive and so close to home. My parents are both in this situation. My Mum is in a home & has actually improved in terms of social interaction & as I posted last week actually recognised me briefly when I visited her last week. My Dad is deteriorating rapidly in the same situation in James Cook - not in anyway due to the staff who are brilliant just due to the restrictions. I just can’t visit even now due to restrictions However in terms of clinical separation my husband lost both parents to a rapid dementia deterioration and couldn’t say goodbye to either in November/December over two weeks. The impact is devastating on our family.. I totally understand your situation & just hearing your story is helpful to me x
 
This thread has really opened my eyes to the prevalence of this cruel disease and its vast impact on family members and others.

Heartfelt condolences go out to Roofie and all you others who have suffered as a result.
 
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I'm recovering today from having my mother stay for four days. One morning she was late waking up, and I was hoping she had passed peacefully in the night. But unfortunately for her, and us, that wasnt the case. Thoughts with you @r00fie1
 
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