These newish 'Simple' funerals

coluka said:
Can’t agree with all this cheap malarkey I expect the full works, solid oak coffin (lead lined & sealed so those pesky critters can’t get me) Giant stone cross that can be seen for miles with the words ‘What Are You Looking At‘ carved on it. Paid actors at the ceremony to weep and wail my passing, and instead of a hearse and pallbearers, a dance troupe of scantily clad 20 something females dressed in black (keeping it respectful) silk stockings, bodices and top hats with me, in an adapted silver sparkly stretch limo to take me to the service and final resting place. Its what my family and friends would want.
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Yours will be all ticket Col
We all want to come and say goodbye 😳

How many points do we need?
 
The Missus died last year, still relatively young at 52. We never got chance to talk about funeral arrangements other than she wanted cremating as it wasn't expected at all.
I kind of just went with the rest of the families wishes in that it was going to be a cheap affair. I wish I'd said something now as I would have liked to have spent a few more quid on it all, it felt like people saw it as a saving money thing when to me. I wouldn't have cared what it cost as I'd just lost my right arm.
 
1finny said:
Yours will be all ticket Col
We all want to come and say goodbye 😳

How many points do we need?
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🤣
Tickets will be by special invite, if they don’t explode on opening then you’re good to go. There will be a 70’s music afterwards as I know some of you may want to let your hair down, I’m envisaging something like this 🤣

 
Aztec chimera said:
The Missus died last year, still relatively young at 52. We never got chance to talk about funeral arrangements other than she wanted cremating as it wasn't expected at all.
I kind of just went with the rest of the families wishes in that it was going to be a cheap affair. I wish I'd said something now as I would have liked to have spent a few more quid on it all, it felt like people saw it as a saving money thing when to me. I wouldn't have cared what it cost as I'd just lost my right arm.
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Completely this, people can try and downgrade it as much as they want but at the end of the day it is those who are left behind who will mark their respects, as much as they feel is required, it is a life you are commentating, why skip costs?
 
This is something that I'm really trying very hard not to think about. My parents aren't getting any younger, and my dad has been really unwell for the last couple of weeks, and I think that he's convinced himself that this is it. He's scared of being in a dark room now. He thinks that if he falls asleep up in a dark room he won't wake up again. My parents have everything planned for their funerals, and it as all paid for and I hate it when my mam keeps reminding me of that and telling me where all of the paperwork is, as if I don't already know.

I'm not going to have a funeral. I've made that pretty clear to everyone I know. The dog can bury me in the back garden, or something. That'll do for me. I hate funerals. I remember wanting to punch the vicar at my my grandmother's funeral, because he was banging on about her life, as if he knew her, and he didn't know her at all, and he got loads of things wrong and it made me really angry.
 
Mate of mine had one. Still cost about £1500
1finny said:
Looks like these are really popular now with over 11% market share.
The most popular being - asking a company to take collect the body and they bring back the ashes 2-3 weeks time.
Also, on the horizon is 'resomation' - reduces the body to ashes using water and a small about of alkali.

All sorts of reasons make these attractive; price; (at least a third of the price of traditional) environmental and you can grieve when and where you want - with friends and family down the pub for instance.
Also some 'cons' no traditional way for people to give the body a send off.
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Mate of mine had this one. Still cost about £1500 which I thought was a bit pricey.
 
There needs to be a level of dignity when someone dies. Trouble is, if costs are not met by the deceased, then it’s really difficult for families. My father in law passed away 5 weeks ago and left 5k to cover costs which seems reasonable enough. However, Catholic funerals and burial charges are extortionate. Horden Parish Council are charging a fortune (£1800) for a Peterlee resident to be buried in a Horden Parish and that is just to buy the plot, never mind the undertaker charges for the day. So many inconsistencie.
 
1finny said:
Looks like these are really popular now with over 11% market share.
The most popular being - asking a company to take collect the body and they bring back the ashes 2-3 weeks time.
Also, on the horizon is 'resomation' - reduces the body to ashes using water and a small about of alkali.

All sorts of reasons make these attractive; price; (at least a third of the price of traditional) environmental and you can grieve when and where you want - with friends and family down the pub for instance.
Also some 'cons' no traditional way for people to give the body a send off.

Of course, there is the conundrum of who is the funeral for and, therefore, who gets a say?
We had this with my mum last year - she wanted it relatively simple (cheapest coffin, no cars etc). My sister had other ideas - big car for her and her sons and opulent oak coffin - I was frickin paying tooo_O

We've had the discussion with our kids - its as simple as we can get when we go.
I'm kinda hoping its a bin bag and down the tip by then.
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The wife has said this for years and after attending a few family funerals of late, I tend to agree with her. The wife wants to be taken away and brought back in a cornflakes box. I am sure I could wood turn both of us an urn out of a nice piece of Ash and Mahogany. I have a couple of nice pieces of London Plane in the workshop that should turn nicely.

If anyone wants an urn I could do you a nice rate. ;)

Coluka - If I do somehow make it on your list do I really need to let my hair down, it's just I don't have any other than up my nostrils.
 
Boro_Interlinked said:
Some Himalayan type area people , they just take you up the mountain side and lay you on a rock outcrop and have a blessing and come back down. The eagles and vultures and any other prey birds do the work .
I'd fancy a bit of that but the only high point is Roseberry topping and not sure the day trippers are going to be keen on seeing my bones
But yes , when I get round to planning written details about it I will be settling for these simpler affairs , but I'm not paying upfront for it as no chance of knowing if they wil be still in business when needed.
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Leaving your body for the vultures is a Zoroastrian rite.
 
Centralscrutinizer said:
I'd go for that. A North Eastern version of the Tibetan Sky Burial. Just leave me on Huntcliff with the seagulls.
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Seagulls can sod off, saw one knock a bag of chips out of a young kids hand at Redcar on Sunday before him and his mates eat them, don't want to be food for bullies. If i'm going to be food rather it was in the countryside for Kestrels or sparrowhawks.
 
The_Unicorn said:
Seagulls can sod off, saw one knock a bag of chips out of a young kids hand at Redcar on Sunday before him and his mates eat them, don't want to be food for bullies. If i'm going to be food rather it was in the countryside for Kestrels or sparrowhawks.
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The seagulls in Swansea were more dangerous than the humans and the pigeons were just as bad as the seagulls. One of the most depressing things that I ever saw was a pigeon eating another pigeon. It was peeing down and miserable and I was late for a meeting and I found myself watching a pigeon that was happily tucking into the flattened, bloody corpse of another pigeon that had been ran over, and I just thought - yep, that's Swansea for you.
 
My recently departed brother in law had a simple cremation, ashes scattered in the funeral homes garden of remembrance.
As far as the impact on those left behind, I'd say that it's the way forward. You simply call the providers of the plan, give them your policy number and they take care of everything for you.
 
I’d quite like to be thrown out of a helicopter like Osama Bin Laden, but into the fountains of the Bellagio in Las Vegas. Won’t be cheap I suppose, but I can start saving now.
 
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