Its all b@[[ocks really

L

Legz

Well-known member
Life!! People tell you they care and keep in touch....you're badly let down at work with the bosses attitude....the other half having his own problems....but cos he's wallowing so much still expects me for everything....and I do tell him that I'm in the same boat but just get the customary "how was your day" but then plays the "yeah but me"
My mam has her own issues...my mother in law...who was always a great support but is now struggling with dementia
Me...QI..pringles...few beers (I know, I know)
Sick of doing this on my own.....my daughter can see it happening and is keeping an eye on me...but she's 15 and getting her exam results in 2 weeks...2 panic attacks today!!! For me not her.
Sorry for adding to this kinda thing on the board....ranting to strangers helps...I can get a load off here. I'll be OK just needed to get it off my chest.
I'm well aware that plenty on here have their own issues....mine are no more important that yours...I'm.not looking for sympathy....just writing it down helps.
 
life can be fookin shittty at times, thats for sure. but we have to hang in there, because the good times, even if they are only occasional, can be bloody good. I wish you well, from afar.

my take on the world is that you'd have to be mad or deluded NOT to be depressed, angry or struggling in some way mentally - its such a weird, screwed up, unfair and sometimes brutal place. but its also an incredibly beautiful world, and there are lots of bloody amazing people around. I sound like a right hippy twatt :love:
 
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Don't be sorry, let it all go. We can take it.
Life is no picnic that is for sure - well it hardly equates to a now shrunken chocolate bar does it?

Space is what you might need - I think you said you have a couple of weeks off - can't you use some of that time to maybe get away for a few days - even going to the Lake District, the dales or Northumbria can be invigorating. But in truth there's a lot of beautiful countryside on our doorstep - or if you prefer try some small places like Richmond or Ripon, Leyburn or Thirsk. Just places to wander in and let your mind rest.

There's no one answer but I hope you get some respite soon.
 
swordtrombonefish said:
Don't be sorry, let it all go. We can take it.
Life is no picnic that is for sure - well it hardly equates to a now shrunken chocolate bar does it?

Space is what you might need - I think you said you have a couple of weeks off - can't you use some of that time to maybe get away for a few days - even going to the Lake District, the dales or Northumbria can be invigorating. But in truth there's a lot of beautiful countryside on our doorstep - or if you prefer try some small places like Richmond or Ripon, Leyburn or Thirsk. Just places to wander in and let your mind rest.

There's no one answer but I hope you get some respite soon.
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We can't get away at the minute as the daughter is 16 2 weeks today and made busy putting the finishing touches to her party...no big thing...family only on her request and she can't wait and I am actually looking forward to it myself....something to aim towards cos I want her to have the memories.
 
I've thought about the struggles we have with life and it seems to get worse as you get older.

My wife really struggles with the black dog and anxiety attacks, not so much panic attacks. We've had a poor last couple of years with money issues etc, our eldest is a (now very very happy) transgender who seriously struggled through her teenage years (ended up in hospital a few times) and our youngest daughter was/is anorexic. All in all a very tough life so far.

My take on it is that you start with a full glass, and every time life kicks you in the guts you lose a bit, sometimes you get the chance to top up the glass but more often than not its just drip drip drip out (or sometimes pouring out) and eventually the glass is empty.

You've just got nothing left for when life kicks you in the guts again. I used to be really happy go lucky, mostly am, but I get really down when I see my wife, best freind and rock so down and I just can't help.

Anyways, enough rambling. Hoping you get the support and help you need Legz, you really are never alone on this board.
 
Tough times Legz. Enjoy your daughter's birthday shenanigans but then you sound like you badly need some 'you' time. Do try and do something just for yourself. Maybe take up a new hobby/interest or join a new social group? And definitely keep talking.
 
Keep your chin up mate, life is a b***r sometimes but think about your daughter and look forward to her turning 16 and celebrating. Try and keep yourself busy and occupied and hopefully you can do things that can keep your mind busy and active.

I have been through similar experience and was really down and depressed, it was during covid I was working away and couldnt get back to see my family for months. I hit the drink hard and was jusy going to work in a daze everyday not caring about life really and having suicidal thoughts but the one thing that kept me going was my daughters and knowing I would see them soon.

I had a dry spell off the booze and really got into my work keeping my mind occupied and working more to stop the temptation to hit the vodka every night.

I actually spoke to a work colleague about what I was going through and he kept an eye on me and was always asking how I was and would pop round on a weekend to watch the footy together so I had company.
Life is difficult sometimes but you can get through it and its good to talk / write about it and get it off your chest.
 
If you can: try to peel back the issues to simplify them.
Create a mental "box" to put each issue into and prioritise what matters to you most, what you are able to control yourself, what you cant change, and what you want for you.
Easy said - but it can work.
It may sound a difficult concept to grab hold of.
Taking on everything you`ve mentioned is like overloading a boat.
Eventually it will capsize and you are the one trying to steer it.
What matters first is you.
Without you feeling capable and confident, everything else goes for a bag of rat-schitt.
Start the day with a deep breath.
Prioritise the first things that matter to you today: - a shower, breakfast, consider what needs doing today: maybe paying a bill, going to the shop, walking the dog.
Step by step by step.
That is your first "box". You can open and close that feeling safe.
Your daughter maybe in the next "box".
Your mother - in - law maybe in another box: is it entirely your responsibility to manage and cope for her? Who else could take more responsibility and offer help, so that you can reduce stress on you and take a step back.

Its not as difficult as it sounds, but it can work. Divide up what seem an impossible complex and insurmountable mountain of problems and give yourself some daylight.
I `m not telling you what to do, just handing over a few suggestions.
The responsibility is yours.
I dont know you and I never tell anybody what they should do - especially where complex issues are involved.
Its unprofessional and sets people up to fail.
There will be times when you feel like nothings working.
A times it will fail.
The decision is ultimately yours.
Good luck Legs.

Keep talking.
We`l keep listening.
 
I remember when I had mental health problems, they got particularly hard when my family was of a similar age and in a similar situation. I think that things got easier after that, my kids learnt about mental health issues and though they had some themselves, they also could help support others.

One thing I learnt to do, was to invest some time in me and to ensure that I checked in with myself how I was feeling. I took time to either go for a walk, read a chapter of my book, sit down with a nice drink and listen to some music. This let me think about my own resources and feelings and let me plan for what I needed to do. You can not support others if you are running on empty, when you are completely drained then you are closer to really breaking down.
It was really important for me to continue this even when I felt better, I viewed it as being aware of where I was on the scale of mental health and I learned how to manage my own situation. I also found some mates and colleagues who were feeling the same as me. We used to meet after work in the local pub and have tea together and a chat. They were a great supportive group, and we really helped each other when one of us felt down.
 
Legz said:
We can't get away at the minute as the daughter is 16 2 weeks today and made busy putting the finishing touches to her party...no big thing...family only on her request and she can't wait and I am actually looking forward to it myself....something to aim towards cos I want her to have the memories.
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Sorry to hear you are struggling Legs, hang in there and focus on the birthday bash. Hopefully, your daughter will receive good grades in her exams and this again will be a boost to all of you.

As you can see above, they are plenty of us to bounce off or chat to when needed and as Boro in Devon said above, make sure you make time for yourself. It is really important we do this for our own wellbeing.
 
Sometimes when you're going through bad times, it feels like this is how things will be forever, and you can see no light at the end of the tunnel. It's important to remember that all things must pass and nothing is permanent, and you will get through this. It doesn't change what you've got to put up with today, but it helps to know there'll be a time this is history.
 
Hope you've had a good day and you're feeling better than you were the morning. Look after yourself.
 
Keep going Legz, don’t let any negativite thoughts dwell in your head - remember every negative thought you have is put in there by you, even if you don’t realise it. What Roofie said is good advice and try that yoga and some deep breathing exercises if you can - very good for calming the mind. You’ll get through it 👍🏻
 
Simplest things, maybe if this is not already happening, eat well, sleep well, make it a priority 5 days a week for you and the family, it's the foundation for any long term improvement. And try to have the honest conversations, make it like a regular family airing any little changes for the positive might begin to stick, a few shared chores here and there, regular head space decompress time. It's like steering a tanker innit, you just need to stay in the lanes. Sunny days.
 
Hi legz

You’re right it’s all bo110x

Your not the only one

Always some poor sod worse off than you though - remember that.

Hope this helps

aet :)
 
You can try and take a philosophical or spiritual view to help you.
Just know that human life is destined to cause suffering to all regardless of personal circumstances. Nothing or nobody can be depended on to bring us happiness, even our family and the body we live in. And there is never enough money. Don't be fooled by the outward appearances of others. Chance are their lives are full of difficulties as well.
One this is realized you can try and find another path where you don't need to blame anyone or anything for being unhappy. Just look at it all and realize that it will all change, the good will become problematic, the problematic will become good, what makes us happy will eventually make us unsatisfied, and what makes us unhappy will eventually pass as well.
You can find peace. In fact, all these things happening to us that we blame for our unhappiness are just teaching us lessons, moment to moment. That's life.
Find a quiet place and meditate on it for a few minutes and day. Know this and you will become stronger and get through it. You will.
 
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