Old parents and care

Lightweight said:
I cannot comment on what you have been told but my mother in law had to go into Reuben Manor care home in Eaglescliffe in 2021 due to not able to care for themselves due to Dementia, The council agreed to fund care until her home was sold ( covenant put on her house and had to be assessed and sold for a certain price) . The house was sold in 2022 and by October 2024 her funds were exhausted( not quite exhausted but a low amount- around £20k I think). The Council agreed to pick up her fees but she was moved in January 2025 to Rosedale centre by Adult services social officer.
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If the facility can't provide the correct type or level of care, which can happen with a degenerative illness, like your poor mother-in-law will have sadly suffered, then they will have good cause for relocation.

At that point they have control over how much is being spent and they'll only sanction a move to homes on the authority approved list. You are definitely right about that.

But if you just run out of money, I don't think they will just dislodge you. I thought there'd be a cap - I was sure of it.

But I haven't been told anything though, that's my point. I keep asking and no one is willing to commit to anything - it's really strange. Is there a cap? How much is the cap? Why wouldn't someone just go for the most expensive place, if the council picks the tab up once their money runs out? I cannot get an answer at all.

In our case we've found an ideal place for the mother-in-law and it's on the approved list anyway, so its moot really. But I'd like to know the answer to the question.

It seems fishy and doesn't add up...
 
£4K per person per week is the highest I have ever heard for a care home.

In the last 5 years I have seen £750 to £1600 figures per person per week for care homes.

In Scotland I believe residents care elemet of care homes is all paid for by the UK Governent. I think the residents is only have to pay for board and lodging.
 
Redwurzel said:
£4K per person per week is the highest I have ever heard for a care home.

In the last 5 years I have seen £750 to £1600 figures per person per week for care homes.

In Scotland I believe residents care elemet of care homes is all paid for by the UK Governent. I think the residents is only have to pay for board and lodging.
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I think you might be mistaken with Care homes and Nursing homes.
 
Hap said:
We have found what I think will be a really good place for the Mother in Law, (looked everywhere) not too full of dementia patients- she still has some marbles, but they are getting harder to reach.

House has sold and should complete on Thursday. Spent the weekend moving everything to the local charity shop, tip, our home, or storage for when she has access to the home.

Daughter 2 has come home to help, daughter 1 is running interference and keeping Nan busy.

She’s with us for now. A week and I think and she’s going to be able to go in. She wasn’t well this morning and I can’t respectfully describe the carnage. Mrs H was in tears and I was on my hands and knees scrubbing.

Getting old is a cruel business.

All we can do is make decisions that we’d hope people would make for us, in the same spirit. Just to do the right thing, not the easy thing.

Honestly knackered after sawing a charity rejected chair and sofa into five flattened parts. *emotionally wiped out, but still seeing the funny side emoji (yes I know, but there should be)
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Me Mam got dementia and after a year of live in carer (very expensive) to prolong her ‘independence’ she moved back to Teesside and went into a care home in Billingham
It was great to see more of her - and it was really good for a few months
Unfortunately she died just before Christmas not due to dementia but to a couple of falls due to blood pressure dropping when she got up (postural hypotension). The falls - and the time she was kept in hospital after - seemed to increase her physical and mental frailty
She went downhill rapidly after that


On the flip side me Dad died 30 years ago this October due to cancer - just before what would have been his 55th birthday


So 2 cruel endings at both ends of the spectrum
Neither are happy final memories
 
TeessideCleveland said:
Me Mam got dementia and after a year of live in carer (very expensive) to prolong her ‘independence’ she moved back to Teesside and went into a care home in Billingham
It was great to see more of her - and it was really good for a few months
Unfortunately she died just before Christmas not due to dementia but to a couple of falls due to blood pressure dropping when she got up (postural hypotension). The falls - and the time she was kept in hospital after - seemed to increase her physical and mental frailty
She went downhill rapidly after that


On the flip side me Dad died 30 years ago this October due to cancer - just before what would have been his 55th birthday


So 2 cruel endings at both ends of the spectrum
Neither are happy final memories
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I’m sorry you lost both your folks, and for the way you lost them. It’s very hard at any time of life. 55 is no age. I’m guessing your mum lived to a good age, but then cheated out of some of those years through dementia.

I’m very wary about placing the mother in law in a dementia unit yet. I think she would go downhill very quickly if we did. There is a unit in the home she’s going into, and both units mix when weekend events are on, or when they use the gardens. So there’s no need to relocate her when she eventually deteriorates.

Lost both my own parents too. Mum was 59, had a cancer diagnosis and was gone in a week. Dad was 83 and had kidney failure, refused blood transfusions and went just as quickly. Never had to deal with the elderly care system before. It’s been a lot.
 
Hap said:
I’m very wary about placing the mother in law in a dementia unit yet. I think she would go downhill very quickly if we did. There is a unit in the home she’s going into, and both units mix when weekend events are on, or when they use the gardens. So there’s no need to relocate her when she eventually deteriorates.
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Mam went in the general area despite them having a dementia area
And exactly as you describe they all mixed for meals and social events
 
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Mother in Law went into a care home on Friday.

Quite a long haul to get from diagnosis, in home help, house sale and admission.

About three years of almost nonstop stress and worry.

Two nights in and it already feels lighter - even if there has been more a couple of issues with her attitude since going in.

What I can see now, but couldn’t before, she absolutely needs to be in a care home and was barely holding it together. No point in feeling guilty.
 
Sadly the next person into a car home in my family is likely to be me! All my antecedents have gone to their respective Nirvana, Hades, Valhalla, etc.

Be nice to your kids, they will be choosing your care home...
 
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