Good night

Aet290204 said:
So basically soon after I posted this I broke down completely yesterday.

because I can’t look after myself any more and because my family don’t want me to be alone in the house 24-7 with nothing to do (have had to go off work sick) I’ve gone back to stay at my mothers house.

what an utter failure I am.

And I just slept for 12hrs and I’m still shattered.
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AET you are not a failure, sometimes you need to take a step back to go forward.

Recognizing what you needed to do, and doing it, took a massive amount of inner strength, you are stronger than you think.

Now it isconwards and upwards, a chance to take stock of your life maybe, make some life changes for the better, may be do something that will allow you to feel self worth and give you some fulfilment in life? Maybe volunteering, food bank work?
Kia kaha AET.
 
Aet290204 said:
50 years old and I’m back living in the bedroom I grew up in because I can’t look after myself
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You're absolutely NOT a failure not anywhere near and you need to believe that because it's true. You're a good guy going through a very tough time and being back at your mum's house is a positive for now and not a negative. Support networks are absolutely key to helping get you back on track which WILL happen.
 
Let your mum look after you, everyone needs someone to lookout for them when they are ill. She will enjoy it, you maybe not so much (ha ha) it's hard moving back home when you are used to looking after yourself. It's the sensible logical thing to do when you are unwell. Take care and all the best to you.
 
Just want rid of the constant pressure in my head oh what I’d give to be normal again.

I just wrote a really long post detailing everything that’s gone wrong since Monday but I deleted it. Self pitying nonsense.
 
It sounds to me like moving back in with your mum is actually a really positive step. I think you will be surprised at how much you will feel better being close to your family for a while. Your mother will look after you and as someone else mentioned it wil give you time to re-assess everything and take the pressure off you a bit. Getting plenty of rest is important, but try not to oversleep. You will feel exhausted, but a walk or even just time outside will help. Keep talking on here.

Also
Aet290204 said:
I just wrote a really long post detailing everything that’s gone wrong since Monday but I deleted it. Self pitying nonsense.
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I think this is a really positive step and shows the strength you have. You wrote about all the things that had gone wrong, but realised that they were in the past. You identified negative thoughts and did something about them. Take this as a small victory - the first of many.
 
Thank you to everyone who has commented I’ve read them all even if I haven’t liked or replied.

I have never had such a sustained period of illness in my life and whilst I’m not seriously ill it is massively debilitating, and has compounded my already fragile state of mind….getting any kind of help from the NHS has been like getting blood out of stone and I feel let down massively by them and the shockingly poor service I’ve had from my GP surgery…

I guess I can’t see a way out and I’m just so worried that I won’t have a normal life again.

Ideally I need someone to move in and keep me company and keep me occupied, and to help me keep the house clean and tidy but I’ve got no one to ask really.
 
Thank you to everyone who has commented I’ve read them all even if I haven’t liked or replied.
Aet290204 said:
I have never had such a sustained period of illness in my life and whilst I’m not seriously ill it is massively debilitating, and has compounded my already fragile state of mind….getting any kind of help from the NHS has been like getting blood out of stone and I feel let down massively by them and the shockingly poor service I’ve had from my GP surgery…

I guess I can’t see a way out and I’m just so worried that I won’t have a normal life again.

Ideally I need someone to move in and keep me company and keep me occupied, and to help me keep the house clean and tidy but I’ve got no one to ask really.
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When you’re going through hell, keep going.

You’ll be on your feet again in no time, it’s certainly not a bad thing to have family who care. Plenty on here, myself included, have been at rock bottom and a whilst it doesn’t feel like it at the time, things will get better.
 
Many of the best people are prone to depression, anxiety and related addictive behaviours. People who would drop everything to help a stranger in need, wouldn't give themselves a thing. They would treat a stray dog on the street better than they would treat themselves

You fear you will not be able to look after yourself, this is very common in poor mental and physical health related scenarios. You can face that fear by doing just one positive thing per day to improve your situation.

All of this is covered by Jordan Peterson in "12 Rules for Life" I recommend you to read it if you can

And finally, what's a normal life anyway? How many people have that? Freud said neurosis is the norm, not the exception. If you ever meet a truly well balanced and adjusted person who possesses absolute serenity you are not seeing someone with a normal life, you are seeing the exception to normality
 
We don't think you are a failure aet, you are poorly.

Please keep posting on here, even if it's just to rant about the world.

Get well soon and UTB (y)
 
So last night I felt fine. Some relief from the pressure and noises in my head. Watched a bit of TV (millionaire) and for a few hours I felt calm. Didn’t drink on a Saturday night which is a rarity. Fell asleep with the radio on.
This morning the horrific crackling noises in my ear are back and I feel like **** again. I really wish I was dead.

it’s never ending.
 
weemoby said:
Sorry to read that aet, it's sounds horrible.
I hope the symptoms eased up a little as the day went on today.
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As I said it’s never ending.
No soon as I get some respite it returns.Thanks for replying
 
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In other news if anyone follows Brian Moore (England rugby) on Twitter he’s just replied to my reply to his tweet about exercise and depression. Telling me to take up yoga since I can’t run anymore.
 
Aet290204 said:
In other news if anyone follows Brian Moore (England rugby) on Twitter he’s just replied to my reply to his tweet about exercise and depression. Telling me to take up yoga since I can’t run anymore.
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Yoga? Now there is a good idea aet. I tried it for then first time a few years ago and I was very impressed by the ‘work out’ it gave me. I was very very cynical about it before I gave it a go, but I am happy to say I was totally wrong!

You can easily try it out in the privacy of your own home and there are lots of great resources out there for absolute beginners. At the start just think of it as a type of stretching and don’t bother any mat or trying to learn some of the ‘trendy’ terms so people tend to use.

If you give yoga a bash please let us all know on here how you get on 👍
 
I follow Brian Moore on Twitter he is a really nice guy and it doesn't surprise me at all that he took a moment to reply to you.

If you don't get on with Yoga there are other disciplines that many people find helpful when conventional exercise is not possible. Tai Chi is a martial art but if you follow the movement forms they are very good for flexibility and combine elements of meditation that you might find helpful. Pilates is similar in some ways and very good for core strength and balance.

Whatever you do, be assured that you are your own harshest critic and that the people around you that care about you value you for what you truly are. Take care of yourself and keep posting on here. Even if you want to post your darkest thoughts the anonymity might help just vent some of the negatives.

Take care fella.
 
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