Depression (trigger warning)

GibbosEmpire

GibbosEmpire

Well-known member
The last 7 months I've had depression thats been up and down, that ultimately culminated in me leaving work Sunday morning at 5am and contemplating walking into the sea, or a range of other methods.

My manager saw me walking home in bits, grabbed me and put me in his car where we talked for about an hour. I don't think I've cried as much as I did Saturday and Sunday in my life.

I'm in my late 30s and feel so alone. Monday I had a phone consultation with the doctors and today I'm going on meds.

I laugh, I smile, but I haven't been actually inside happy for a long long time.

If you have depression, what do you do? My friends I don't talk to anymore, my family i don't talk to apart from my mum, I live alone with my cat, work is the only thing I live for, I love my work.
 
Look for ways to increase social interaction; stuff like Andy men's group (if that's what it's called?), get into some online gaming and try find a group of friends, go along to Fmttm coffee morning, look at hobbies you have or have had and see about getting involved in groups for them. Contact old friends you've drifted from and catch up.

Essentially gradually build up more social interactions.

List things that you enjoy doing, and do more of those things. Challenge yourself to do new things. You've mentioned cats, look into cat sitting, or volunteering at a shelter. Becoming helpful to people can be a big boost. Get out in the world and go on long walks or running as exercise is very good for your mental health and wellbeing.
 
Sorry to hear this @GibbosEmpire.

I've been lucky enough to not suffer too badly although can occassionally feel the creep of it hit as the reality of mid-40s life takes hold. So I can't really offer too much advice and don't feel qualified to do so. So I'll approach it from a parents point of view. As a dad to 3-boys my worry about them suffering like this is huge. I talk to them all the time about chatting with me if they have any problems. I think two of them always would but my eldest is a closed book and that worries me. So as a parent all I'd say is go and chat with your mum. Sit down and talk it all through with her. Don't hide anything from her. She might not have all the answers but sharing your problems with her will help you and I'm sure she would rather you did that than kept quiet. Between you you can put a plan together for how to try and move forward. But well done on taking the first steps and talking to the docs. That's a really important step to take
 
GibbosEmpire said:
The last 7 months I've had depression thats been up and down, that ultimately culminated in me leaving work Sunday morning at 5am and contemplating walking into the sea, or a range of other methods.

My manager saw me walking home in bits, grabbed me and put me in his car where we talked for about an hour. I don't think I've cried as much as I did Saturday and Sunday in my life.

I'm in my late 30s and feel so alone. Monday I had a phone consultation with the doctors and today I'm going on meds.

I laugh, I smile, but I haven't been actually inside happy for a long long time.

If you have depression, what do you do? My friends I don't talk to anymore, my family i don't talk to apart from my mum, I live alone with my cat, work is the only thing I live for, I love my work.
Click to expand...
get involved in more stuff outside of work.. reach out to friends an family.. pick up the phone or pop round for a cup of tea?

have a look into hobbies that involve other people.. get out of your comfort zone.
 
Sorry to hear this mate. A lot of people suffer in silence, I've been through similar in recent months too and felt the same about not being able to open up to anyone, even though I have people around me. Feels like a burden, because I feel like I have nothing to be depressed about, it's strange, but when you do it lifts some weight of your shoulders.

Keep posting on here, you post interesting footy related threads which I always open.
 
What a wonderful thing your manager did. It would have been very easy for him to drive past and go home. So well done to him for that.

You can always talk anonymously on here and people will listen and try to help. Sometimes just having the opportunity to off load is all you need. As others have said try and find your spark. Try getting out and walking. Go birdwatching being in nature is a healing thing. If you have had hobbies in the past, particularly creative ones, dig out the old Lego or the Airfix kits, start painting or photography. Men aren't good at saying "help" but do that.

You've taken the first steps. Keep going.
 
GibbosEmpire said:
The last 7 months I've had depression thats been up and down, that ultimately culminated in me leaving work Sunday morning at 5am and contemplating walking into the sea, or a range of other methods.

My manager saw me walking home in bits, grabbed me and put me in his car where we talked for about an hour. I don't think I've cried as much as I did Saturday and Sunday in my life.

I'm in my late 30s and feel so alone. Monday I had a phone consultation with the doctors and today I'm going on meds.

I laugh, I smile, but I haven't been actually inside happy for a long long time.

If you have depression, what do you do? My friends I don't talk to anymore, my family i don't talk to apart from my mum, I live alone with my cat, work is the only thing I live for, I love my work.
Click to expand...

Really sorry to hear this mate.

I was in a similar position a couple of years ago - i worked out due to the stresses/ strains of family life and in all honesty being a father to 3 very young kids.

I went to my GP eventually, and had a few sessions talking to various people, and I was surprised at how well that worked (for me).

Believe it or not its also the time i joined up and started posting on here - i find this place a great light relief too if the day gets on top of me.

Find an outlet mate - whether its a person, a hobby, or even a sh*tty message board! Always happy to lend an ear though if you ever need it.
 
I've had a fair few walks with the Black Dog in the past.

Loads of good advice here, but In the end you' may have to try many different things to find something that works for you. Not every shoe will fit.

I was encouraged to go and do the long walks.. "take the dog, it'll be good for both of you" they said.
All I got was me alone with my thoughts. The never ending, racing thoughts in my head. I couldn't bear being in crowds...the excess noise used to give me the jitters big style.

Lego worked for me for a while. The medication helped. The support of my wife and family helped.

What I'm trying to say is keep on keeping on, and try not give in to it. It's hard, but please remember, your head lies to you.

There is a way out... it can be hard to find...but there is a way out.

Best of luck mate.
 
Does your employer have any kind of Employee Assistance Programme?
I'm a mental health advocate for the company I work for and we have an excellent programme open to employees.
I'm sure your boss will have told you about it if there was though.

Well done seeking help from the doctors. Talking therapies didnt work for me personally, so the medication route is the way I ended up going down. It has helped massively. But everyone is different so try and keep an open mind about the options for help that are available.

Posting your feeling on here is a big step too. There are plenty of people on here that will lend a sympathetic ear.
 
whilst socialising is a great thing, in the right circumstances, equally I find that I need to have periods when I need my own space, and seek a bit of solitude - be it for a few hours, days or sometimes a week or two. there is a lot of social pressure to always be socialising, but its not what everyone needs, ie introverts. finding something that allows you to get your own head together - for me its walking, usually with headphones on, in quietish places with few other people to bother me. and then socialise when you feel able - with people that mean something to you. wish you well.
 
We've just had a talk at work about Andy's Man club. The person doing it was a policeman who dealt with the aftermath of the Ariana Grande concert in Manchester, The other lad was from our company and had lost his wife a couple of weeks after she gave birth. They were talking about all the different people who attend their meetings with different backgrounds and different things that are going on in their heads and how they all benefit from just speaking to someone in a non judgmental environment. maybe you could give them a try? They have meetings on Mondays at 7pm in 300+ locations across the country.

andysmanclub.co.uk

ANDYSMANCLUB - It's Okay To Talk

ANDYSMANCLUB are a men’s suicide prevention charity offering free to attend peer-to-peer support groups across the United Kingdom and online.
andysmanclub.co.uk andysmanclub.co.uk

I'm going to give one a go i think. I'm in a similar situation to you and i have a lot going on in my head.

(edit : I've just seen the "Suicide prevention" comment in the link title, but its not just for that by the sound of it, its for men's mental health)
 
GibbosEmpire said:
The last 7 months I've had depression thats been up and down, that ultimately culminated in me leaving work Sunday morning at 5am and contemplating walking into the sea, or a range of other methods.

My manager saw me walking home in bits, grabbed me and put me in his car where we talked for about an hour. I don't think I've cried as much as I did Saturday and Sunday in my life.

I'm in my late 30s and feel so alone. Monday I had a phone consultation with the doctors and today I'm going on meds.

I laugh, I smile, but I haven't been actually inside happy for a long long time.

If you have depression, what do you do? My friends I don't talk to anymore, my family i don't talk to apart from my mum, I live alone with my cat, work is the only thing I live for, I love my work.
Click to expand...
After losing my mum to terminal cancer and then a marriage break up after 20 odd years, I've been in a dark place. It took some months to get to where I am..stable and functioning. You can always DM me if you want a pint and a chinwag . Similarly this place has been very kind to me. I deleted a post I wrote not long ago about feeling this way. I was a bit ashamed but actually it was cathartic.

I was lucky in that I've a great friends network so it was only when I was left alone with time to think that I struggled.

You're never alone. Ever. And the fmttm community are so much more than a fan site.
 
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I have lived with poor mental health for the last 25 years. During that time I have learnt a few things which help me to live with the condition.

As you have mentioned moods go up and down, I have learnt how to recognise when my mood is decreasing. I then work on slowing the decline. This can be achieved by being kind to yourself, taking time to do something you enjoy, challenging negative emotions and talking to friends/ family in a non judgemental way.

When you have stopped the descent, start building the rise. Again, a little each day even on the days when you think you dont need it. For me, this can be things like thinking positively, think about things that you have not what you may have lost, celebrate your successes, take joy in the things or people that are around you.

Depression is a condition that stops us interacting with people that are close to us. I lost my marriage, children, family and friends. I made a concerted effort to talk about my situation in a safe environment (that wasnt easy to do 20 years ago). My family were great when I spoke about my feelings and a few have also opened up about similar feelings. My friends were initially shocked, but understood and have been incredibly supportive. We support each other when we are down and make an effort to meet as regularly as we can. In the large company that I worked in a gang of us would meet in the local after work once a week, grab something to eat in the end we had a large meeting of people with similar mindsets, my employer was very supportive of this and would help out by providing counsellors or buying a round. I guess it was similar to the FMTTM coffee club.

I have learned how to live with poor mental health. I have learnt to recognise when I suffer from Stress and Anxiety before that triggers my Depression. By learning to know yourself, I can now understand the difference of living with a depressed mood to living with Depression the illness.

Good luck with managing your illness. You have made a good start by opening up to your boss and opening up to this forum. There are many supportive people on here, listen to all the great advice that they can give you and you will get through this.
 
I've struggled for a number of years, not realising I was depressed. A breakdown last year made me confront everything to a point where I was "comfortable" being open about my ongoing mental health issues.

The fmttm community were great (god bless AET) and at the very least you realise you are not alone, mental health issues are quite common - in one form or another. Lot of good "been there" advice.

In my own journey I've learned one size does not fit all. What works for me may not work for you. Meds may help, they may not. I'm on my second lot, first made me super anxious rather than reducing it.

Any issues, don't be frightened to speak or post on here to offload. Don't keep it bottled up, that is one of the most important things to remember.

Good luck with everything.
 
Exercise is great for depression especially high intensity exercises like swimming and cycling.

Make sure you get plenty of Vitamin D either from the sun (hard in UK I know) or a good D3 supplement that also contains Vitamin K2. Quite a lot of evidence showing low Vitamin D levels contribute to low mood.

Also make sure you don’t have a underactive thyroid (Hypothyroidism) which can cause low mood. Doctor can do simple blood test to check your thyroid levels.
 
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