Dad Jokes - all welcome!

A boy asks his father, 'Dad what is the difference between Theory and Practice'.

Look son, go you ask your big sister if for 500k dollars, would she sleep with the butcher right next to our house?

The boy asks his sister and comes back with an answer. Dad yes she said would do it. Ok now go ask your mother if she would go and sleep with the barber across from us for 1 million dollars?

The boy does so and comes back with the same answer. Dad yes she said would do it.

Ok son now look. In Theory we have 1.5 million dollars. In Practice we have 2 whores in our house.
 
index.php
B91A8950-4106-4192-9F34-B3138999760E.jpeg
 
My daughter, who is training to be a teacher, said she had to give a lesson on drugs and alcohol to a bunch of 11 year olds.
She said it was really difficult as maths wasn't her favourite subject at the best of times.
 
"My great, great grandfather was killed at Waterloo."

"Really! Which platform was he on?"

"Don'be ridiculous. What does it matter which platform he was on?"
 
This sunny weather brings out some disgusting behaviour. We were sat on the beach enjoying ourselves when this man and woman started having an almighty argument in front of a load of kids. Suddenly the woman smacked the man on the head and it all kicked off. There was a massive fight and somebody called the police. A copper turned up on his own and took a baton to the man. The man grabbed the baton and started hitting the poor copper AND the woman. Then out of the blue this crocodile crept up and stole all the sausages...
 
Mr Inn opened up a laundry business which was so busy, he went into partnership with Mr. Hout. The business still grew so they hired Justin to help them.
One day the phone went and Justin answered it.
“Is Mr Inn, in?”
“No, I’m sorry Mr Inn is out.”
“Ok is Mr Hout in?”
“No I’m sorry, Mr Hout is out.”
“Well who are you?”
“I’m Justin the company secretary.”
“Oh, I’m so sorry. I’ll call back later when you’re not so occupied.”
 
What’s the difference between a priest and a zit?

A zit will wait until you’re 13 before it comes on your face.
 
Paddy was telling Mick about taking his first parachute jump, "When I got to the door I couldn't jump, I just froze."
The 6'7" man mountain black instructor unzipped his fly and drops out 12" and says "If you don't jump you're gonna get this baby right up your ar*e!"

Mick asks, "Did you jump?"

Paddy says, "A bit, when it first went in."
 
Back
Top