Konrad_the_Barbarian
Well-known member
Angry ??? I’ve just been out to eat and I was served a seriously undercooked chicken. I tell you, I was spitting feathers.
Dad Jokes - all welcome!
- Thread starter FatCat
- Start date
Konrad_the_Barbarian
Well-known member
I remember, when I was young, asking my dad I could use the lawn mower to make some money. “Sure, go ahead” he said. So I sold it.
Konrad_the_Barbarian
Well-known member
I failed my ventriloquists exam today. Can’t say I’m surprised.
FatCat
Well-known member
Only in Middlesbrough I swear!! 
I have just been to the Esso garage for petrol and I've seen 2 police were watching a woman who was smoking while filling her car up. I thought, is she stupid, crazy, or both, especially with the police standing RIGHT there?! 
. I minded my own business put 30 quid in and went inside to pay. As I was paying I heard the daft bitch screaming!! I’m talking violent death screams! I looked outside and I saw that this woman's arm was on fire!!!! She was swinging her arm, running around. I ran outside, the police had the woman on the ground and they were putting the fire out!! Then they put handcuffs on her and put her in the police car. I was a bit shocked, couldn't believe they arrested her, surely she ought to be in an ambulance, not a police car? Me being nosey as I am, I asked the policeman what they were arresting her for.. He looked at me, dead serious, and said, "WAVING A FIRE ARM”!!
I have just been to the Esso garage for petrol and I've seen 2 police were watching a woman who was smoking while filling her car up. I thought, is she stupid, crazy, or both, especially with the police standing RIGHT there?! . I minded my own business put 30 quid in and went inside to pay. As I was paying I heard the daft bitch screaming!! I’m talking violent death screams! I looked outside and I saw that this woman's arm was on fire!!!! She was swinging her arm, running around. I ran outside, the police had the woman on the ground and they were putting the fire out!! Then they put handcuffs on her and put her in the police car. I was a bit shocked, couldn't believe they arrested her, surely she ought to be in an ambulance, not a police car? Me being nosey as I am, I asked the policeman what they were arresting her for.. He looked at me, dead serious, and said, "WAVING A FIRE ARM”!!
Lefty
Well-known member
Sounds like an exodus
HarryVegas
Well-known member
Shopper: "This shoe is not going on; it's too tight."
Shop assistant: "Try it with the tongue out."
Shopper: "Thit thoe ith noth going non; itsh thoo thight."
Shop assistant: "Try it with the tongue out."
Shopper: "Thit thoe ith noth going non; itsh thoo thight."
asredastheycome
Well-known member
I woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing at the foot of my bed.
At first I was afraid.......then I was petrified.
At first I was afraid.......then I was petrified.
Carlos Fandango
Well-known member
My wife got a ladder in her tights yesterday while we was shopping in B&Q.
She's an unbelievably good shoplifter!
She's an unbelievably good shoplifter!
Last edited:
Randy Dipper
Active member
My wife's so fat she can't see her feet.
She lost both her legs to Type 2 Diabetes.
She lost both her legs to Type 2 Diabetes.
Lefty
Well-known member
NorthumberlandBoro
Well-known member
Not as fat as my wife..her blood type is Ragu!
SmallTown
Well-known member
This is one of those mustn't laugh ones...