Dad Jokes - all welcome!

A group of schoolboys were watching porn in a bedroom.

Suddenly one starts to cry .

His mates ask him whats up.

He says ' my mam said if i watched porn I'd be turned to stone...

...And i think its starting to happen
 
Was making love to a very, very large lady..
Me: can I turn the room light off?
Her: Why, are you shy?
Me: no, I'm burning my ass on the bulb..
 
3 burglars are running from the police when they come across some sacks so decide to hide in them.

When the police chasing them turn the corner they approach the sacks suspiciously.

An officer gives the first sack a kick. "Woof" shouts the first burglar

"Just a dog" the officer says to his colleagues.

He kicks the second sack

"Miaow" shouts the second burglar

"It's just a cat" says the officer.

He kicks the third sack.

"Potatoes" shouts the third burglar.
 
Father O'mally died and was met at the gates of heaven by St Peter.

' come in my son ,is there anything that has been troubling you in the mortal world'?

Well now you mention it says father O'Mally, that father O'Brien plays golf every Sunday before mass which is a sin and a shame.

Come here my son and look at this.

Father O'Brien gets a hole in one instantly.

I dont understand says Father O'Malley, how us that a punishment?

Well now, st Peter replied, who us he going to tell?
 
In Jamaica a pork pie is £2.49
In Barbados a steak and kidney pie is £4.10
In Bermuda a chicken and leak pie is £3.99

I thought you’d all like to see the pie rates of the Caribbean
 
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