A guy sees an ad in the paper about someone selling a talking dog for £20 so he shows up at the advertised address and knocks on the door.
The owner of the dog opens the door and the guy answering the ad says, "So, I hear you have a talking dog you're selling for £20?"The owner says, "Yep." The other guy says, "Can I see him?" The owner says, "Sure, follow me."
They go through the living room, up the stairs, and into a bedroom where a dog, in a bath robe, is lying on the bed, reading a paper, and watching Sky News.
The dog looks up and says, "Hi."The guy says, "Holy sh#t! You're a talking dog!" The dog says, "Yeah, I guess."The guy says, "Well . . . why are you just lying there in bed?"The dog says, "Well, I started out life teaching other dogs how to be seeing-eye dogs for the blind which was rewarding but I needed different challenges so I trained to be a bomb sniffer and worked for MI5 for quite a while. Wasn't much of a lateral career shift to work in the drugs squad so I helped the police sniff out drugs as well. Found out I was a pretty good at tracking things in general so I got into hunting with some guy I worked with and he eventually entered me into some competitions and I just kept winning so I spent 3 years on tour. That, of course, lead to my 2 years on the breeding farm - which was pretty cool but then there was that whole 9/11 thing and I was asked to go to America and I spent a lot of time retrieving bodies from the Twin Towers.
At that point I figured as long as I was in New York, I might as well help out so I continued to work in vice sniffing out drugs up until about a month ago. I don't know what happened but I just needed some time off. You know? Just kind of reflect on things, figure out what I want to do next, that kind of stuff, you know what I'm saying?"
The guy says, "Uh, sure. I mean, Wow! That's amazing."
The owner and the guy leave the room and the guy says, "Why in the world are you selling that dog?" The owner says, "'Cause he's a big fkin liar!"