Dad Jokes - all welcome!

Rolo and Polo decide to go out to a club, they queue for a while and when they get to the front they let Rolo in, but the doorman tells Polo he's not welcome.

Rolo asks why?

The doorman replies "He's Menthal!"
 
A load of pieces of black tarmac are laughing and joking and enjoying a pint in their local when a piece of red tarmac comes in. Everything goes quiet and furtive, and the black tarmac move away from the bar and into corners as the red tarmac politely orders a bottle of whisky, a bottle of vodka and a bottle of brandy, downs them, pays, bids the barman good-day and walks out. As the noise level rises in the pub to a relieved chatter the barman asks a piece of black tarmac sitting at the bar, “ why did everything go quiet and everyone seem to get dead scared when that pleasant piece of red tarmac came in?” Black replies, “pleasant? he’s a fkin cylepath!”
 
El Guapo said:
A load of pieces of black tarmac are laughing and joking and enjoying a pint in their local when a piece of red tarmac comes in. Everything goes quiet and furtive, and the black tarmac move away from the bar and into corners as the red tarmac politely orders a bottle of whisky, a bottle of vodka and a bottle of brandy, downs them, pays, bids the barman good-day and walks out. As the noise level rises in the pub to a relieved chatter the barman asks a piece of black tarmac sitting at the bar, “ why did everything go quiet and everyone seem to get dead scared when that pleasant piece of red tarmac came in?” Black replies, “pleasant? he’s a fkin cylepath!”
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Stealing that one
 
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festa5 said:
2 nuns are redecorating a room. Concerned about getting paint on their habits they decide to lock the door and paint naked.

After a while there's a knock on the door.

"Who is it?" They ask.

"Blind man" comes back the reply.

They look at either, shrug, and open the door.

"Nice t*ts" says the man.

"Now where do you want these blinds?"
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That was a Kenny everet joke from 1979
 
A young mother was crying in a supermarket car park because she had locked her baby in the car.

It was too hot to wait for the AA to get there or for her husband to turn up with the spare key so she had no choice but to smash the window.

She was a bit gutted about this because it would be expensive to replace and it was approaching Christmas.

Just as she lifted the brick above her head, a man steps in the way and says "Stop! I can open it for you"

So the woman lets him approach the car and he slowly starts to rub his leg up and down against the door.

After a few seconds, to the woman's amazement the door unlocks and he lifts the baby out for her.

She looks at him bewildered and asks "How on earth did you do that!?"




"I've got my khaki trousers on."
 
I was watching the Boro V Leeds game in the pub.

Sat next to me was a fella with a dog.

When Leeds scored the Dog growled and barked at the Telly.

The fella said he always does that when the opposition score.

I said what does he do when Boro score.

He replied :' I dont know, ive only had him 6 months '.
 
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