Dad Jokes - all welcome!

It's clinically proven that patches are the best way to stop smoking......put one over each eye and you can't find your fags
 
Just had a guy round to do some decorating, he used to be an airline pilot until this pandemic and lost his job. I went to check on his work, the bedroom and kitchen were ok but his landing was brilliant.
 
One night a couple of years ago, I was about to propose to my girlfriend when a guy I know a bit, Joseph barged into the room out of nowhere, tripped and fell over, breaking a glass table with his face. Totally ruined the mood. Now I don't know Joseph that well, don't even remember where he was from, but let's say I put my plans on hold to help him through his injuries.

Joseph had gotten a big glass shard in his eye, blinding him in it. He was walking around with one of those cotton pads on his eye for a couple of months. Then suddenly he disappeared - along with my girlfriend. Apparently they'd 'bonded' during the time after his injuries, eloping together and leaving me behind without as much as a note. I tried to track them down but never could.

In conclusion, if it hadn't been for cotton eye Joe, I'd have been married a long time ago. Where did you come from, where did you go, where did you come from cotton eye Joe?
 
I went to a book club last year, they were throwing around copies of Stephen King books, I couldn’t figure out why, then IT hit me.

I was at the library and asked the librarian where the books on paranoia were kept, she whispered to me very gently they are just behind you.
 
A man took his daughter to "Take your kids to work day"
As she was walking around the office she became more and more upset and then started crying.
One of the man's work colleagues bent down to ask her what was wrong?
She said "Where are all the clowns that daddy says he works with?"
 
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