Dad Jokes - all welcome!

Remember, if you drive while under the influence of a sparkling white wine from the Veneto region of NE Italy you may be liable to proseccution.
 
"Excuse me… hello - do you mind me asking, I thought I recognised your voice: are you… Béyonce?”

“It’s ‘Beyoncé' actually, but yes”

“Ah, sorry, I couldn't quite place your accent"
 
Whilst on holiday in the Highlands this week Boris Johnson met a villager and asked what the main challenges are of living there. The villager thought for a moment and replied:

"Well we have a health centre but no local doctor."

Quick as a flash Boris pulled out a mobile phone and spoke for a few minutes, then said to the resident:

"It's done, you'll have someone by next week. Anything else I can sort out?"

"Yes. There is absolutely no mobile phone signal here...."
 
Carlos Fandango said:
Three pregnant women are knitting sweaters for their babies at the gynaecologist's waiting room. The first one takes a pill out of her purse and says,
"I want my baby to have a strong nervous system, so I'm taking a folate pill."
The second one takes a pill out of her purse and says,
"I want my baby to have healthy blood, so I'm taking an iron pill."
The third one takes a pill out of her purse and says, "This is thalidomide."
The other two women look in horror. "WHY?!"
The third one calmly replies, "I just ****ed up the sleeves on this sweater."
Click to expand...
Bloody hell Carlos I normally like your jokes!!
 
I had nightmares last night because I ate too much liquorice before I went to bed!

Oh yeah, what did you dream about?

Allsorts!!!
 
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