Millbrook
Well-known member
You were not alone - I didn't get it either.
Dad Jokes - all welcome!
- Thread starter FatCat
- Start date
TeessideCleveland
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Ingleby_Flash
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She rang me and said ‘you’ve been cheating on me you b*stad, I’m leaving you and moving in with my sister’
I said ‘ok, see you when you get here’
I said ‘ok, see you when you get here’
TeessideCleveland
Well-known member
TeessideCleveland
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Not a Dad joke but I found this quite funny
TeessideCleveland
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TeessideCleveland
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ThePrisoner
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The funeral for this joke will take place on 8th July at 10.30.
red_harrington
Well-known member
I hate it when viruses and bacteria simply enter my body without my permission.
It makes me sick.
It makes me sick.
Ingleby_Flash
Well-known member
Security is what most women are looking for.
Well, that’s what they shout when I start chatting them up anyway.
Well, that’s what they shout when I start chatting them up anyway.
TeessideCleveland
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Carlos Fandango
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My wife said: "That's the 4th time you've gone back for dessert! Doesn't it embarrass you?"
"No." I replied. "I keep telling them it's for you."
"No." I replied. "I keep telling them it's for you."
Ingleby_Flash
Well-known member
I went to an archeology party the other day where they were only looking for the remains of a lower leg.
It was quite a shindig.
It was quite a shindig.
Carlos Fandango
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In exactly 3024 years from now., it will be either a good day or a bad day.
It's 5050
It's 5050
TeessideCleveland
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TeessideCleveland
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Ingleby_Flash
Well-known member
I went for a run but came back after two minutes because I forgot something.
I forgot I’m not fit and can’t run for more than two minutes.
I forgot I’m not fit and can’t run for more than two minutes.
Millbrook
Well-known member
There was an old pub in London that had a complete face-lift. The front doors were replaced with modern revolving doors. A drunk walks through the doors after many rotations and made his way dizzily to the bar. “I'll have a pint of bitter!” He slurred.
The barman looked up and said, “ Get out you're drunk!” So disappointed, the drunk gets up and walks through the revolving doors right round and back to the bar. Again he says “ I'll have a pint of bitter!” The barman again says “ Get out you're drunk! The drunk gives out a heavy sigh, and walks back out, going around and around the revolving doors again, and straight back in to bar.
“I'll have a pint of bitter! He said. The barman again says” Get out you're drunk! The drunk staggered a couple of steps, turned around and says “Can I ask you a question?” The barman by now was pretty much fed up with this drunk. “What?!” He screamed. The drunk pointed to him, “ Do you own all the pubs round here?!”
The barman looked up and said, “ Get out you're drunk!” So disappointed, the drunk gets up and walks through the revolving doors right round and back to the bar. Again he says “ I'll have a pint of bitter!” The barman again says “ Get out you're drunk! The drunk gives out a heavy sigh, and walks back out, going around and around the revolving doors again, and straight back in to bar.
“I'll have a pint of bitter! He said. The barman again says” Get out you're drunk! The drunk staggered a couple of steps, turned around and says “Can I ask you a question?” The barman by now was pretty much fed up with this drunk. “What?!” He screamed. The drunk pointed to him, “ Do you own all the pubs round here?!”
Ingleby_Flash
Well-known member
Went to the shop Mrs F said get a pint of milk and if they have eggs get half a dozen. So I came home with six pints of milk, she said ‘wtf!’ I said well they had eggs 
Ingleby_Flash
Well-known member
The cashier said “strip down facing me” by the time I realised she meant the credit card it was too late 