Dad Jokes - all welcome!

A girl was talking outside her house to a friend.
“I wish my Mam and Dad hadn’t had so many girls. I have five sisters; Rose, Jasmine, Lily, Daisy and Holly and I am the youngest”.
Her friend asks, “What’s the problem”?
Just then she is interrupted by her Mam.
“Dandelion, your tea’s ready”!
 
Frank, an English teacher, was holding a lesson with his year 5 class and they were doing spelling and explaining the meaning of words. As Frank raised a number of words, the usual pupils wanted to answer. Little Jonny kept putting his hand up, but Frank was always cautious with him. Eventually he relinquished and said “Ok Jonny, spell dilemma” Jonny shouts ‘D’ ‘I’ ‘L’ ‘E’ ‘M’ ‘M’ ‘A’

Frank was really surprised and said “Well done Jonny”, lots of people forget about the second letter M, thats brilliant. Now can you give me an example of a dilemma please?”

Johnny thinks for a few seconds and said “Well sir, imagine you are in bed one night and you have Margot Robbie on your right side and Boy George on your left, who are you gonna turn your back on?”
 
English man heading up the Motorway with a van load of monkeys. He's going to the Zoo. The oul van broke down. Who was coming behind him, but Paddy and an empty van. English man said "Paddy, If I give ya £50 would ya bring these monkeys to the zoo for me?" Paddy said, "not a problem", "load em up." He loaded them up and he headed off.

Two hours later English man is waiting for the aul AA to come out, and who does he see coming the other way the far side of the motorway. Paddy and a load of monkeys. He flagged him in and said, "f*** sake Paddy, didn't I give you £50 to bring them to the zoo for me!" Paddy said "I did, but I've a few quid left over and were off to cinema now!"
 
I went to see a Bluegrass Band last night.
After the show I asked the Banjo player "What is the difference between playing the Banjo and the Guitar"?

He replied "Guitar players get laid".
 
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